I will never go to family gatherings again. He is about the same age as me(mid 20's), but he's prettier, he's more educated, he's more neurotypical and he has a girlfriend (logical considering all the points before). I feel like a piece of shit that doesn't belong in the family. Im ugly, work for minimum wage 1400€/month - he is currently studying law.. he will mogg me to the next galaxy with his salary later and like i said he is more NT - to be honest I'm not NT at all, I'm mentally ill as fuck, it's a wonder that I'm even still alive. He sits there the whole time, nice and relaxed, grins and holds hands with his girlfriend, knows that he made it and that there is still a great time waiting for him, meanwhile i sit next to him like a wriggling fish, totally nervous with all my facial expressions and gestures(I also stuttered a lot), totally uncomfortable and embarrassing situation for a loser like me because I felt mogged to the limit when I found out about his beautiful life because we hadn't seen each other for a long time. I thought he was a loser like me. I immediately noticed the difference how much further in life and how much more intelligent he is than me, I appear and act like a child and he acts like a real man. I was just thinking to myself the whole time "why haven't I killed myself yet?" while he was talking to me about something that I didn't understand anyway because I'm too stupid for that, i just nodded and said "yes, yes i understand.." and pretended to follow his conversation, JFL. This is the acting of a Subhuman. I could have burst into tears the whole time, because he is living the life I wish I had. I sat there with my fake grin and pretended to enjoy this filthy life. Hope ill rope soon, totally over for me, actually never even began. Spit on this life, rather called a waste of time.
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