Everybody's already commented on how dumb the content is. I'm going to do that, but also tear apart this nonsense from a writing standpoint for funsies.
Ah-he-hem:
So the first thing I noticed is that these sentences are excessively wordy, with multiple lists that are just saying the same thing (i.e. 'precisely the sort of condescending, pompous, self-righteous, entitled twats') with unnecessary words like 'precisely' in the example being there just to pad out word count. These words are fine in dialogue when a character is saying them, but in the text itself, it's meaningless.
Also, the sentences just drag on. "The foids who had been imprisoned in this facility were precisely the sort of condescending, pompous, self-righteous, entitled twats who would have looked upon Arjun with contempt and disgust as they threw themselves upon the nearest brute Chad and sated his every desire no matter how perverse while simultaneously relegating a man such as Arjun to a lifetime of misery." This sentence is ridiculous. It's sixty words long.
KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. As much as it pains me to do this, let's try rewriting this to see if we can simplify it. Ahem:
The 'foids' imprisoned here were the sort of condescending twats who would have seen Arjun with contempt. They would've thrown themselves at the nearest 'Chad' and sated his every perverse desire, dooming Arjun to a lifetime of misery.
See? This says the same (completely nonsensical) thing but without all the fluff that's just there to vent frustration and pad word count. You get the same picture in two shorter sentences rather than one sixty word long atrocity of the English language. It's probably this text's biggest writing-related problem (we'll get there), as we see the same issue in the next paragraph:
"Arjun grabbed the nearest slut by her hair and smashed her skull into the wall with such force and rage-fueled power that small bone fragments ricocheted back into his face." You could cut 'and rage-fueled power' out of this sentence and it would say exactly the same thing; it's redundant. But that's just it: it's not there to add to the story. It's there because 'rage-fuel' is an incel buzzphrase that makes the author's pants sticky and he wanted to find a way to put it in.
"He then proceeded to tear the ragged loincloth from the next foid and sodomized her with his fist while unleashing the full unbridled raging power of his lustful manhood upon her mouth." I'm sorry, but how? This isn't how human bodies work. There's the same general 'this sentence should be simplified a bit' like the rest of the text, but at this point that criticism is a bit redundant. Like... 'full unbridled raging power'. Just pick a word dude. Also, this is the worst smut ever.
I get that incels don't know how sex works because they don't have it (that's their entire problem), but like... part of writing is research. This part of the text is extremely (though mercifully) short, and I think it's partly because the author didn't know how to write a full-fledged, well... rape scene. But, the thing is, you can google sex. You can research and figure out how that kind of thing works both to avoid the contortion Olympics that is the above sentence and to actually write the scene.
I point this out because you can tell the dude is padding out his word count. Every writer is guilty of trying to pad out their word count, but it's insanely obvious here. The scene-writing is short and has very little detail (like if this is all the text in this 'Chapter', this is not a novel-length story) but there are so many fluff words there just to make sentences longer. He's not imaginative enough or knowledgeable enough to write the scene he wants to write, so instead, he just puffs up the sentences to a ludicrous degree.
Like: "As she gagged, choked, and gasped for air, he asphyxiated her with his unwashed, rancid, and filthy Indian penis." Congratulations, author: you know four ways to describe choking and three ways to say you have zero hygiene.
"By then (sic) time he had finished and a mere ten minutes later, all forty of the foids assigned to this particular barracks had been either beaten to death or raped so brutally that they had to be subsequently euthanized by way of an AK-47 bullet to the head as they were no longer fit for any meaningful labor." See, this sentence here (and the sixty-word long abomination above) kind of proves my point here. It's long and redundant, the exposition is worthless wish-fantasy fulfillment for the author, and the scene as it's described is physically impossible no matter how much 'rage-fuel' you've got (ten minutes? Really?). Of course, I could be misreading and the author means 'however long Arjun took + ten minutes' but that just means the text isn't clear and that's its own problem.
I have no words for the second image. It's just ridiculousness beyond parody at this point. The same issues as the rest of the text we've been given here.
I haven't read the first two Chapters of this 'novel', and I'm genuinely sure they're terrible. But let's highlight the flaws based on what we've got here:
-The 'Great Incel Revolution'. I'm curious as to how exactly this would be pulled off. I have my doubts the story pulls it off realistically or in any kind of way that legitimately makes sense.
-Arjun is a Villain Protagonist. The problem here is that the author, being an incel, didn't intend for that to be Arjun's characterization. However, because of the way it's written, there is no characterization here. These aren't characters. We know fuck-all about them except that: 1) they're incels, 2) one's Indian and doesn't shower, and 3) they're rapists. Even if the author did write these characters as characters, he'd do a piss-poor job because the actions of the protagonist don't match with how he's intended to come across.
-Writing dystopia, horror, porn, etc is fine. This isn't any of those things though; it's a revenge fantasy. Wish fulfillment and power fantasies are not bad in and of themselves, but there are important lines in the sand you don't cross and there are important things that have to be acknowledged when writing these things out. Revenge fantasies like this don't better one's writing. They add nothing. They say nothing. They're not even really good fantasies that make for a good story.
-I'd say the tone is inconsistent, but again, there is no tone. He's trying to go for dark (?) in one segment, but the second image is so far beyond parody that it'd be instant mood whiplash if he knew how to write tonally.
-The pacing is terrible. I touched on this above, but the vast majority of the word count here is redundancy and unnecessary exposition. We don't see anything the character is actually doing because the author isn't creative or knowledgeable to go in-depth on it. We're told these 'foids' are bad people because they throw themselves at 'Chads' and that's it; beyond that, there's nothing of substance to his actions. We're not shown why that's bad enough to justify some 'Great Incel Revolution' and the subsequent rape and brutal beatings (partly because there isn't a justification good enough.) Just 'women bad because chad, so my OC beats them up! >
'. He doesn't even try to write the scene itself. It's summarized and rushed through so that the author doesn't have to write something that might actually take some effort.
And that's the main problem here. This story is the encapsulation of incel culture. They only put effort into something when they're complaining about how women won't fuck them or date them, and even then it's only the bare minimum if that. I put more effort into this excessively long comment that was just me tearing apart the little bit of text here than the author put into this nonsensical 'novel'.
They'd prefer to blame others (women, mostly) for their problems rather than fix their problems. Take a shower, get out of mom's basement, go do something interesting. Whenever they do actually try something of value, like writing, they do it terribly because they're not doing it out of passion or enjoyment or genuine fun. They're doing it because, like this pathetic excuse of a writer, they need to write their revenge fantasy and say 'women bad, chad bad, my life bad >:c'
That's the worst part about this. It's venting into the void, crying in a jail cell when the door is wide open and he could walk out at any time. He could practice writing something of substance. Something meaningful; doesn't matter what it is. Porn. Horror. Comedy. Anybody can learn to write and learn to write well, but rather than developing that talent and nurturing it out of genuine enjoyment of the craft, the author just chooses to project this poorly-written anger slop onto the internet.
What a waste.
