http://www.love-shy.com/gilmartin_book/download.php?downloadbook=true
I know that incels and love shyness have some differences, but I'm curious to see how the similarities overlap. In 1987, Professor Brian Gilmartin released a book in which he studied the cause of love shyness. He defined love shy men as men who desperately wanted sexual relationships with women but were never able to initiate them and were virgins The men ranged from college aged to well into middle age. He also studied what he termed as self confident men, men who had achieved sexual relationships with women. The self confident men he studied were involved in some type of sexual relationship with at least 1 woman, some with multiple women. Since he referred to them in his book as self confident men, I'll refer to them the same going forward. But he looked at several areas and this is what he found and these were all at rates higher than would one would expect by chance. These seemed to show up in patterns:
1. Mouth breathing
Love shy men were much more likely to breathe through their mouth, while self confident men tended to breathe through their nose.
2. Allergies
Love shy men tended to have more allergies and more severe allergies. Self confident men tended to have no allergies or if they did, were much more mild.
3. Colds and runny noses
Love shy men tended to catch more colds and have runny noses a lot more often than self confident men
4. Relationships with male peers
Even well before puberty, like 3, 4, 5 years old, boys who would grow up to have active sex lives were more popular and liked by their male peers. You can go into a pre school and look at a group of 3, 4, 5 year old boys. The boys who are considered by the other boys to be the group leader or who the other boys want to befriend, if you follow up with them 20 years from now, when they are 23, 24, 25 you'll likely find that they have sexual experience and are likely sexually active with 1 or more women. Boys that are unpopular and ostracized by their male peers at 3, 4, or 5 years old are likely to be incel or love shy 20 years from now if nothing changes.
5. Bullying
Piggy backing off #4, love shy men were much more likely to suffer from bullying at the hands of their male peers. The self confident men were more likely to either have been bullies or been bystanders, meaning that they neither bullied or were bullied.
6. Body build
Love shy men tended to be shorter, smaller framed and less muscular than their male peers. Self confident men tended to be anywhere from average in those traits to well above average in height, frame and muscularity.
7. Home life
Self confident men tended to be from families that allowed them more autonomy and allowed them to express their opinions. Love shy men tended to be from overly protective families and overly strict families were obedience was always required and where they were typically not allowed to express any opinion of their own. Corporal punishment was also used more on the love shy men than the self confident men
8. Mother's Pregnancy
Self confident men tended to have mother's who had easier pregnancies. This is important because the amount of testosterone a male fetus gets while in the womb is dependent on the emotional state of the mother. Mother's who are happy and joyous and relatively stress free during pregnancy typically give birth to more masculine sons. Mother's who are anxious, depressed, stressed out or experiencing other negative emotions during pregnancy tended to have less masculine sons because her emotional state blocked the production of optimal amounts of testosterone.
Also, self confident men tended to have easier births, even up to including the mother being relatively pain free while giving birth to them. Love shy men tended to have long and difficult births and had a higher rate of being induced or being born via C section.
9. Relationship with mother
A man's relationship with his mother is the first relationship with a woman he'll ever have. Self confident men tended to have better relationships with their mothers and typically spoke highly of their mothers. Love shy men typically had strained relationships with their mothers and were more likely to describe their mothers as cold and emotionally distant or as being emotionally unstable.
10. Looks
He asked the men how they would describe their physical appearance. The love shy men tended to rate themselves as below average in looks. The self confident men tended to rate themselves anywhere from average to above average in looks. In the author's opinion, the self confident men as a group did tend to be more conventionally attractive.
11. Assertiveness
Love shy men typically sought to avoid conflict, even when they were justified and in the right. They were more likely to yield to others and go along with what others wanted even if it was to their own detriment. The sexually active, self confident men were the opposite. They were more likely to attempt to get their way and were typically not shy about standing up for themselves and speaking their minds. Typically they didn't seek to avoid necessary conflict.
12. Masturbation
Self confident men tended to masturbate much less, some men interviewed didn't do it at all. The love shy men tended to do so much more frequently than normal. Love shy men as a group tended to ejaculate more in a given week than did self confident men.
Now how many incels have or cand identify with these traits or characteristics?
I know that incels and love shyness have some differences, but I'm curious to see how the similarities overlap. In 1987, Professor Brian Gilmartin released a book in which he studied the cause of love shyness. He defined love shy men as men who desperately wanted sexual relationships with women but were never able to initiate them and were virgins The men ranged from college aged to well into middle age. He also studied what he termed as self confident men, men who had achieved sexual relationships with women. The self confident men he studied were involved in some type of sexual relationship with at least 1 woman, some with multiple women. Since he referred to them in his book as self confident men, I'll refer to them the same going forward. But he looked at several areas and this is what he found and these were all at rates higher than would one would expect by chance. These seemed to show up in patterns:
1. Mouth breathing
Love shy men were much more likely to breathe through their mouth, while self confident men tended to breathe through their nose.
2. Allergies
Love shy men tended to have more allergies and more severe allergies. Self confident men tended to have no allergies or if they did, were much more mild.
3. Colds and runny noses
Love shy men tended to catch more colds and have runny noses a lot more often than self confident men
4. Relationships with male peers
Even well before puberty, like 3, 4, 5 years old, boys who would grow up to have active sex lives were more popular and liked by their male peers. You can go into a pre school and look at a group of 3, 4, 5 year old boys. The boys who are considered by the other boys to be the group leader or who the other boys want to befriend, if you follow up with them 20 years from now, when they are 23, 24, 25 you'll likely find that they have sexual experience and are likely sexually active with 1 or more women. Boys that are unpopular and ostracized by their male peers at 3, 4, or 5 years old are likely to be incel or love shy 20 years from now if nothing changes.
5. Bullying
Piggy backing off #4, love shy men were much more likely to suffer from bullying at the hands of their male peers. The self confident men were more likely to either have been bullies or been bystanders, meaning that they neither bullied or were bullied.
6. Body build
Love shy men tended to be shorter, smaller framed and less muscular than their male peers. Self confident men tended to be anywhere from average in those traits to well above average in height, frame and muscularity.
7. Home life
Self confident men tended to be from families that allowed them more autonomy and allowed them to express their opinions. Love shy men tended to be from overly protective families and overly strict families were obedience was always required and where they were typically not allowed to express any opinion of their own. Corporal punishment was also used more on the love shy men than the self confident men
8. Mother's Pregnancy
Self confident men tended to have mother's who had easier pregnancies. This is important because the amount of testosterone a male fetus gets while in the womb is dependent on the emotional state of the mother. Mother's who are happy and joyous and relatively stress free during pregnancy typically give birth to more masculine sons. Mother's who are anxious, depressed, stressed out or experiencing other negative emotions during pregnancy tended to have less masculine sons because her emotional state blocked the production of optimal amounts of testosterone.
Also, self confident men tended to have easier births, even up to including the mother being relatively pain free while giving birth to them. Love shy men tended to have long and difficult births and had a higher rate of being induced or being born via C section.
9. Relationship with mother
A man's relationship with his mother is the first relationship with a woman he'll ever have. Self confident men tended to have better relationships with their mothers and typically spoke highly of their mothers. Love shy men typically had strained relationships with their mothers and were more likely to describe their mothers as cold and emotionally distant or as being emotionally unstable.
10. Looks
He asked the men how they would describe their physical appearance. The love shy men tended to rate themselves as below average in looks. The self confident men tended to rate themselves anywhere from average to above average in looks. In the author's opinion, the self confident men as a group did tend to be more conventionally attractive.
11. Assertiveness
Love shy men typically sought to avoid conflict, even when they were justified and in the right. They were more likely to yield to others and go along with what others wanted even if it was to their own detriment. The sexually active, self confident men were the opposite. They were more likely to attempt to get their way and were typically not shy about standing up for themselves and speaking their minds. Typically they didn't seek to avoid necessary conflict.
12. Masturbation
Self confident men tended to masturbate much less, some men interviewed didn't do it at all. The love shy men tended to do so much more frequently than normal. Love shy men as a group tended to ejaculate more in a given week than did self confident men.
Now how many incels have or cand identify with these traits or characteristics?
