I wasn't naive even at that age. I was an atheist (in a muslim country), wasn't the brightest guy but far from the dumbest, and i know look mattered, to a certain extent. But society obfuscation, propaganda and bluepilling obviously had an effect on me, so i didn't know the extent of lookism. One day i was in college (college isn't university in the french/moroccan system, it's what precedes high school ) , and there was a guy who was really dumb, and not even dumb in that thuglife yolo bald way some girls like, but dumb, kinda calm and average in every other aspects but looks. And the moment i noticed how girls treated him, smiled to him, how they always were happy when they kissed in the "dare games" they played, i lost interrest in everything in life, this stil hadn't changed.
I always felt an emptiness inside and an intense craving for relationships, i wasn't chasing staceys, an average girl would have been enough. I also know that what i craved is the attention and consideration, not the sex in itself, so betabuxing wouldn't do. Then, even the wildest most irrealistic fantasies didn't appeal to me, i'd imagine myself having more money, being able to travel and engage in leisurely activities, to gain what ? EVEN THE FANTASY OF SUCCESS WASN'T APPEALING. Chads were already getting what i craved with no efforts, no anxiety, no distress. And love and female interest can't be gained with effort, anxiety and distress. People thought i was lazy as i did suceed every time i tried (even in university), but it wasn't laziness, it wasn't "lack of responsibility", it was lack of interest, how can you put all your potential/talent/energy in a project when even the fantasy of success seems like an utter failure to you ? I don't envy anyone but the chads, i think life for males is pale and boring even in the best cases, except for chads. And to this day, i haven't changed one iota from this insight i got at 14 years old. I take solace at least in not having wasted time and efforts for nothing.
I always felt an emptiness inside and an intense craving for relationships, i wasn't chasing staceys, an average girl would have been enough. I also know that what i craved is the attention and consideration, not the sex in itself, so betabuxing wouldn't do. Then, even the wildest most irrealistic fantasies didn't appeal to me, i'd imagine myself having more money, being able to travel and engage in leisurely activities, to gain what ? EVEN THE FANTASY OF SUCCESS WASN'T APPEALING. Chads were already getting what i craved with no efforts, no anxiety, no distress. And love and female interest can't be gained with effort, anxiety and distress. People thought i was lazy as i did suceed every time i tried (even in university), but it wasn't laziness, it wasn't "lack of responsibility", it was lack of interest, how can you put all your potential/talent/energy in a project when even the fantasy of success seems like an utter failure to you ? I don't envy anyone but the chads, i think life for males is pale and boring even in the best cases, except for chads. And to this day, i haven't changed one iota from this insight i got at 14 years old. I take solace at least in not having wasted time and efforts for nothing.
