Story [Long] 10-year-old JB completely messes with my mind and makes me suicidal

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So, sometime between 2017 and 2018 my mom was dating this guy, he lives a few meters from us, so he was here all the time, quite a cool guy and I enjoyed talking to him about various subjects. One of the coolest things we talked about was about his trip to Antarctica when he was a Marine. Quite intelligent and had a lot to tell.

He had a 10-year-old daughter that I would always observe and listen to when she would come over with him to our house, NOT in a malicious way, it was in a way of being envious.
Sometimes she would just be laughing and playing for hours, happily, without any concern.



I remember a day when ahe was in the pool, playing like there was no tomorrow, and I was in my room using the computer just listening to her laughing in joy and amusement.
I can't even put to words the immeasurable anger I felt. She was laughing and being loudly happy for hours on end.
She was in a bliss... still in the blissful stage of life where you are unaware of the horrors of the world outside and what it can do to people. There were no worries, no problems or sorrows. When she was playing, there was only the present, the joy, the laughs...
I remember a day we went to McDonald's, she was running around and outside, enjoying the moment, fun fast food, the sun, all the fun, all while I was sitting in the chair, not even moving, in utter dread and despair. I was in such despair that I was dettached from reality. I was staring into nothingness in the direction of the floor while she was enjoying that blissful day.
I would look at her and want to kill myself.
She was experiencing what I never had—the bliss of being an innocent happy child unaware of the horror show that is the world outside our little bubble when we are that age.
She was experiencing the blissful innocente of childhood to the fullest, and I never had that.
I can only imagine what it feels like.



Her life at home was good, it was chill, it looks like she didn't have troubles at school or anything.
I was the complete opposite.
At that age, I started to notice that the people I thought liked me at school were now hating on me and would be glad to see me out of there and dead. I was getting in trouble every day and I would get expelled from the class almost every day because the teachers would be excessively rude and picky towards me if I said a single word in the clasroom. I was lonely, depressed, I just wanted to talk. A simple small talk about anything like "I didn't sleep well tonight" would be enough for the teachers to scream their lungs out on me, be really rude and throw me out of the class.
I just... wanted to talk, I was needing it. I was incapable of feeling any joy anymore, I couldn't laugh anymore or even get excited for anything. If anything, having to wake up again was pure torture and suicidefuel, if I could have chosen, I would not have gotten out of bed to go to school anymore at that stage of my life.

By that time, I had already been through a lot of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, despair, longing to be understood and listened to.
Sometimes I would have the opportunity to talk to someome out of the class, but nothing that would really brighten my day or help me in any way. What I felt and tried to describe was totally foreign, unconceivable for them. They didn't know what was depression, or anxiety, or losing people you knew.

At that age, most of my old friends from when I was younger were either dead or lost to life in crime. I remember that an older friend of mine got burned alive for some reason. I guess it was gang-related. His body was completely burned and he had one of his arms up like he was pleading for help, I was looking at that scene while I was not even 8 years old. It happened not even 400 meters away from our house.
Other friends disappeared and no one ever heard from them again, and they remain missing to this day.
Others would show up in the street completely drugged up, they were starting to lose their life at such an early age to drugs.
Life was a struggle, and overall terrifying, anxious. Nobody could understand me at school because they had so much better lives.
All that before and during the stage at what that girl had that age. 1 week after my 11th birthday, I would be losing my father, the person I was most attached to, and life got insanely bad and tough from there on, I can't even find a conceivable way to describe it, and I was just a child, still growing up.



People bullied the fuck out of me in my early stages of life, even if I was just a little kid. It messed me up for life, I still struggle with the feeling and memories of it all to this day. I grew up being made fun of, being a fucking walking meme before memes even existed. People would gather in mass to joke about me, make fun of me to humiliate me every day, my brother would see it all and do nothing. People were real scumbags to me in my early years and I still can't get off my mind, it messed so much with me. I developed mental issues, trust issues, I became isolated, defensive.
Computers were really expensive at the time, but we could afford them, so I would be on the computer as much as I could. Life was not good outside. I got exposed to the horrors of the world at an alarming young age and emotionally to hell by tens of people everywhere.
Whenever I would go out I would have panic attacks in crowded places, because the past experiences would replay in my mind and I would think everyone was gathering to bully me like they use to before. I would be terrified to go out. I would feel everyone was looking at me, and somehow planning to laugh all at the same time about me for a more shocking effect.
I would have been exposed to risky situations with my family, financially and life hazards such as violent crime and threats.

I got beaten up badly by a much older dude who was basically a giant for his age, and thus, 100000000 times stronger than me, and he was a fucking black belt already, and I was just a defenseless child. There was nothing I could do. My brother and my best friend at the time saw it all and did nothing to defend me. They probably enjoyed it. That dude traumatized me for life. To this day I still occasionally have traumatic flashbacks to that moment when he beat the shit out of me for no reason, and have this paranoia that at any moment someone will show up out of nowhere and attack me with a will to really destroy me.
I got threatened by a drug cartel member when I was around 9 years old, I was just sitting in that bench under the tree and he threatened to beat me and kill me violently. My brother once again saw and heard it all and did nothing. He really had the devil in his look and the pure sadism in his voice, and that shit is still in my mind. A friend got killed by the local cartel, burned alive as I said previously in the text, and now I was being threatened out of nowhere for no reason, I was a kid, holy shit. I was just sitting there under the tree and I perfectly knew what kind of evil they are capable of. What did I even do?

I was THAT fucked up mentally by around the age of that girl, without even mentioning that I got exposed to porn at around age 6, and was fully aware of what it was. So I was never really innocent.
These ghosts from the past haunt me to this day.
I became more and more isolated, to the point of never getting out my the house anymore.



When we moved to the currently place I live in, I didn't step out of the front door for more than a whole year.
Being on the computer, just doing random stuff or playing games was my only escape from the pain life caused me.
There was not a time I was awake and was not on the computer to run away as much as I could from real life. Now, years later, that does not work anymore. It does not matter how engaged I am with something, I just can't run away from reality anymore. Nothing is ever capable of distracting me or making me happy in any way, or excited, anything good.
I long to feel the comfort of being happy and conformed with I have in the moment, I long for the touch of someone else that could make my mind be a bit more at ease.
I had buried so many things in my mind by 2017 - 2018, and this 10yo JB just brought everything back. It's not her fault, I don't blame her. It was not her fault that I had such a shitty life before.
I got called a manchild many times, but people will never understand why I am like this. I still feel like a child sometimes, maybe because I didn't really have the opportunity to be one.
All these years rotting in utter loneliness, despair, dread, desperation, depression, anxiety and rejection have had a brutal toll in my mental health. Of course, as if that was not enough, I also had to lose the genetic lottery.

She was living what I couldn't when I was her age. I wish I could just be permanently blissfully unaware of everything and be forever shut in my own world.
I envied her, because she had a fundamental piece for the development of a human being that I was deprived of. She is now very probably aware of what the world is like, which is the path of everyone that has ever grown up on this planet.
I just wish I had the opportunity to be like her, just go into a state where I am just unaware of everything, and just stay in that bliss because I don't know about the disgrace that is this world. I wish I had never seen this world, I wish I was never here.
I had buried my painful memories deep in my mind, under a pile of endless things used to cope, and seeing that girl just reminded me of my painful past and what I was deprived of—a normal childhood where I was carelessly happy, unaware, in bliss, worriless.
I felt envy, anger, I felt sad. All I wanted to do was just get the fuck out and go missing, disappear, kill myself somewhere. I just couldn't sit there, see and hear someone having what I didn't have and can't possibly have as we can't travel back in time. My existence is cursed, was always cursed.



All this takes me back to the times of school when I was still a kid. I saw their pictures recently and they are all winning in life today, they are successful, have a job, a life. I think about them everyday and I doubt they even think about me. Not a single one of them ever even asked about me. Someone I know said there were rumors about me being extremely racist towards the black girls that I studied with, which is a blatant fucking lie. I don't have such mentality. I bet they are glad I am gone. Many of them didn't even accept my friend request. They are too good at life to even be connected with a such fucking utter loser like me. They all grew up to be successful, even moved to other countries, and I am still in the place I have always been and can't get out of.
All I have tried to tell them as unknown, foreign, because they didn't know what suffering as a kid was like. Maybe they could relate a bit to it as adults, but back then they just didn't understand. I felt displaced, I felt weird, I was the only different kid who was always down and depressed. I felt alienated. I just wanted to talk to someone, and when I tried, I would be misunderstood, yelled at and expelled from class, ignored.

I still remember a day, somewhere in 2009 or 2008, I don't know. I had strong feelings for this girl, and everyone knew it, normal, happens when growing up. Well, then fucking asshole from my class who everyone knew was a bit of a jackass, approached her in a very brute way, and passionately kissed her for a long time right in front of me, knowing that I had feelings for her.
I still have that image ingrained in my mind to this day. It stings. I spend my days wishing I could just erase my entire life from existence.



I hope that when I die, there is some parallel universe waiting for me. An universe where I am in control of everything so I at least can have what I so want and long for. An universe where I can just be unaware of my past life, an universe where everything is perfect and not an utter and total mess like the reality we live in.
I think it is weird that one of the biggest unaswered questions for humanity is what happens when we die, and we will ALL know the answer someday, but will not come back to tell it.
I hope there can be an afterlife where such existence of pain, loneliness, rejection, depression, mental illness and barriers could be somehow compensated. There has to be something better after all this tragedy that we call life. There has to be.
 
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Leblid

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Can someone resume this to me, please ? :feelstastyman:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Leblid said:
Can someone resume this to me, please ? :feelstastyman:
10-year-old daughter of a guy my mom dated reminded me that I was deprived of a normal childhood with blissful unawareness, innocence, carelessness and happiness.
 
kanyepilled

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beautifully said, bro. THIS is a thread IT will never touch, in fact even much lighter background stories are completely ignored by IT, at most given a passing reference of "oh, having a shitty life doesn't excuse being an asshole." and 'being an asshole' to them is posting mean stuff on an obscure internet forum, and eventually killing yourself long before you would have naturally died.
just remember that the people in IT and the world in general will virtue signal to you and say they feel pity and want you to improve, but deep down they don't, and all they feel is a disdain for your existence. even if people on here say terrible things to you and others, there still exists a love one million times stronger than any normshit could ever harbor.
 
Nukethisgayearth

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You forgot to mention the part where she became a whore in her teens and fucked 20 chads
 
foosballcel

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kanyepilled said:
beautifully said, bro. THIS is a thread IT will never touch
i'm not sure. OP started the thread titled with "10 year old JB"

IT will just call this another pedo thread
 
Broly

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dnr

but im sorry you feel that way
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Broly said:
SlutLiberationFront said:
10-year-old daughter of a guy my mom dated reminded me that I was deprived of a normal childhood with blissful unawareness, innocence, carelessness and happiness.
 
the virgin shepherd

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Imagine seeing someone being burned alive at 8 years old and being beaten by a blackbelt and threatened by a cartel member then being treated like shit by every teacher you meet.

Go ER OP. Seriously this world doesn't deserve you.
 
germancel1991

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Read it all, brutal. Thanks for sharing.
 
SlutLiberationFront

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foosballcel said:
i'm not sure. OP started the thread titled with "10 year old JB"

IT will just call this another pedo thread
They will probably just screenshot the title of the thread and post it like they did with one of my messages yesterday. They took it all out of context to call us out, and conveniently left everything out where I had a full, comprehensible context of what I was saying. IT are fucking worthless bully scumbags.
 
SlutLiberationFront

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kanyepilled said:
beautifully said, bro. THIS is a thread IT will never touch, in fact even much lighter background stories are completely ignored by IT, at most given a passing reference of "oh, having a shitty life doesn't excuse being an asshole." and 'being an asshole' to them is posting mean stuff on an obscure internet forum, and eventually killing yourself long before you would have naturally died.
just remember that the people in IT and the world in general will virtue signal to you and say they feel pity and want you to improve, but deep down they don't, and all they feel is a disdain for your existence. even if people on here say terrible things to you and others, there still exists a love one million times stronger than any normshit could ever harbor.
SlutLiberationFront said:
They will probably just screenshot the title of the thread and post it like they did with one of my messages yesterday. They took it all out of context to call us out, and conveniently left everything out where I had a full, comprehensible context of what I was saying. IT are fucking worthless bully scumbags.
 
Speedloader

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Glows me i guess
 
kanyepilled

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foosballcel said:
i'm not sure. OP started the thread titled with "10 year old JB"

IT will just call this another pedo thread
well they won't actually touch the contents of the thread, i don't count just posting the title
 
SlutLiberationFront

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the virgin shepherd said:
Imagine seeing someone being burned alive at 8 years old and being beaten by a blackbelt and threatened by a cartel member then being treated like shit by every teacher you meet.

Go ER OP. Seriously this world doesn't deserve you.
There are still things I left out. Like the day we were at home chillig and my father gets a phonecall, it was the leader of the local cartel threatening him saying he would "get" him (you know damn well what that means). We were having a barbecue just for us, we immediately packed what we could and left everything behind to flee to a nearby city and only come back days later. Fuck this shit.
kanyepilled said:
beautifully said, bro. THIS is a thread IT will never touch, in fact even much lighter background stories are completely ignored by IT, at most given a passing reference of "oh, having a shitty life doesn't excuse being an asshole." and 'being an asshole' to them is posting mean stuff on an obscure internet forum, and eventually killing yourself long before you would have naturally died.
just remember that the people in IT and the world in general will virtue signal to you and say they feel pity and want you to improve, but deep down they don't, and all they feel is a disdain for your existence. even if people on here say terrible things to you and others, there still exists a love one million times stronger than any normshit could ever harbor.
They already posted screenshots and as I predicted, they conveniently take only what is relevant to them and leave everything else out, where I explain my terrible situation.
Fuck these scumbags.
View: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelTear/comments/nwy8zs/incel_gets_angry_brecause_a_10_year_old_girl_is/
 
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Transcended Trucel

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Justdone

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SlutLiberationFront said:
There are still things I left out. Like the day we were at home chillig and my father gets a phonecall, it was the leader of the local cartel threatening him saying he would "get" him (you know damn well what that means). We were having a barbecue just for us, we immediately packed what we could and left everything behind to flee to a nearby city and only come back days later. Fuck this shit.

They already posted screenshots and as I predicted, they conveniently take only what is relevant to them and leave everything else out, where I explain my terrible situation.
Fuck these scumbags.
View: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelTear/comments/nwy8zs/incel_gets_angry_brecause_a_10_year_old_girl_is/

The guest and this user knows the rest of the story
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Justdone said:
View attachment 454417
The guest and this user knows the rest of the story
Yeah, so there are people with some fucking brain on that garbage fucking sub. He/she, I don't fucking know, at least took the time to look at the story instead of looking at excerpts that try to deceive and manipulate people.
Like I just predicted, they would really take screenshots of what is convenient and leave everything else out like they did with one of my posts yesterday, where I was talking about Colombia and conveniently left everything out where I was giving context and condemning what human traffickers do.
Fucking scumbag subreddit.
 
BrazilianLiveMatter

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it's a brutal reality that we live
 
Insanitycel

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SlutLiberationFront said:
So, sometime between 2017 and 2018 my mom was dating this guy, he lives a few meters from us, so he was here all the time, quite a cool guy and I enjoyed talking to him about various subjects. One of the coolest things we talked about was about his trip to Antarctica when he was a Marine. Quite intelligent and had a lot to tell.

He had a 10-year-old daughter that I would always observe and listen to when she would come over with him to our house, NOT in a malicious way, it was in a way of being envious.
Sometimes she would just be laughing and playing for hours, happily, without any concern.

View attachment 454183

I remember a day when ahe was in the pool, playing like there was no tomorrow, and I was in my room using the computer just listening to her laughing in joy and amusement.
I can't even put to words the immeasurable anger I felt. She was laughing and being loudly happy for hours on end.
She was in a bliss... still in the blissful stage of life where you are unaware of the horrors of the world outside and what it can do to people. There were no worries, no problems or sorrows. When she was playing, there was only the present, the joy, the laughs...
I remember a day we went to McDonald's, she was running around and outside, enjoying the moment, fun fast food, the sun, all the fun, all while I was sitting in the chair, not even moving, in utter dread and despair. I was in such despair that I was dettached from reality. I was staring into nothingness in the direction of the floor while she was enjoying that blissful day.
I would look at her and want to kill myself.
She was experiencing what I never had—the bliss of being an innocent happy child unaware of the horror show that is the world outside our little bubble when we are that age.
She was experiencing the blissful innocente of childhood to the fullest, and I never had that.
I can only imagine what it feels like.

View attachment 454190

Her life at home was good, it was chill, it looks like she didn't have troubles at school or anything.
I was the complete opposite.
At that age, I started to notice that the people I thought liked me at school were now hating on me and would be glad to see me out of there and dead. I was getting in trouble every day and I would get expelled from the class almost every day because the teachers would be excessively rude and picky towards me if I said a single word in the clasroom. I was lonely, depressed, I just wanted to talk. A simple small talk about anything like "I didn't sleep well tonight" would be enough for the teachers to scream their lungs out on me, be really rude and throw me out of the class.
I just... wanted to talk, I was needing it. I was incapable of feeling any joy anymore, I couldn't laugh anymore or even get excited for anything. If anything, having to wake up again was pure torture and suicidefuel, if I could have chosen, I would not have gotten out of bed to go to school anymore at that stage of my life.

By that time, I had already been through a lot of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, despair, longing to be understood and listened to.
Sometimes I would have the opportunity to talk to someome out of the class, but nothing that would really brighten my day or help me in any way. What I felt and tried to describe was totally foreign, unconceivable for them. They didn't know what was depression, or anxiety, or losing people you knew.

At that age, most of my old friends from when I was younger were either dead or lost to life in crime. I remember that an older friend of mine got burned alive for some reason. I guess it was gang-related. His body was completely burned and he had one of his arms up like he was pleading for help, I was looking at that scene while I was not even 8 years old. It happened not even 400 meters away from our house.
Other friends disappeared and no one ever heard from them again, and they remain missing to this day.
Others would show up in the street completely drugged up, they were starting to lose their life at such an early age to drugs.
Life was a struggle, and overall terrifying, anxious. Nobody could understand me at school because they had so much better lives.
All that before and during the stage at what that girl had that age. 1 week after my 11th birthday, I would be losing my father, the person I was most attached to, and life got insanely bad and tough from there on, I can't even find a conceivable way to describe it, and I was just a child, still growing up.

View attachment 454195

People bullied the fuck out of me in my early stages of life, even if I was just a little kid. It messed me up for life, I still struggle with the feeling and memories of it all to this day. I grew up being made fun of, being a fucking walking meme before memes even existed. People would gather in mass to joke about me, make fun of me to humiliate me every day, my brother would see it all and do nothing. People were real scumbags to me in my early years and I still can't get off my mind, it messed so much with me. I developed mental issues, trust issues, I became isolated, defensive.
Computers were really expensive at the time, but we could afford them, so I would be on the computer as much as I could. Life was not good outside. I got exposed to the horrors of the world at an alarming young age and emotionally to hell by tens of people everywhere.
Whenever I would go out I would have panic attacks in crowded places, because the past experiences would replay in my mind and I would think everyone was gathering to bully me like they use to before. I would be terrified to go out. I would feel everyone was looking at me, and somehow planning to laugh all at the same time about me for a more shocking effect.
I would have been exposed to risky situations with my family, financially and life hazards such as violent crime and threats.

I got beaten up badly by a much older dude who was basically a giant for his age, and thus, 100000000 times stronger than me, and he was a fucking black belt already, and I was just a defenseless child. There was nothing I could do. My brother and my best friend at the time saw it all and did nothing to defend me. They probably enjoyed it. That dude traumatized me for life. To this day I still occasionally have traumatic flashbacks to that moment when he beat the shit out of me for no reason, and have this paranoia that at any moment someone will show up out of nowhere and attack me with a will to really destroy me.
I got threatened by a drug cartel member when I was around 9 years old, I was just sitting in that bench under the tree and he threatened to beat me and kill me violently. My brother once again saw and heard it all and did nothing. He really had the devil in his look and the pure sadism in his voice, and that shit is still in my mind. A friend got killed by the local cartel, burned alive as I said previously in the text, and now I was being threatened out of nowhere for no reason, I was a kid, holy shit. I was just sitting there under the tree and I perfectly knew what kind of evil they are capable of. What did I even do?

I was THAT fucked up mentally by around the age of that girl, without even mentioning that I got exposed to porn at around age 6, and was fully aware of what it was. So I was never really innocent.
These ghosts from the past haunt me to this day.
I became more and more isolated, to the point of never getting out my the house anymore.

View attachment 454199

When we moved to the currently place I live in, I didn't step out of the front door for more than a whole year.
Being on the computer, just doing random stuff or playing games was my only escape from the pain life caused me.
There was not a time I was awake and was not on the computer to run away as much as I could from real life. Now, years later, that does not work anymore. It does not matter how engaged I am with something, I just can't run away from reality anymore. Nothing is ever capable of distracting me or making me happy in any way, or excited, anything good.
I long to feel the comfort of being happy and conformed with I have in the moment, I long for the touch of someone else that could make my mind be a bit more at ease.
I had buried so many things in my mind by 2017 - 2018, and this 10yo JB just brought everything back. It's not her fault, I don't blame her. It was not her fault that I had such a shitty life before.
I got called a manchild many times, but people will never understand why I am like this. I still feel like a child sometimes, maybe because I didn't really have the opportunity to be one.
All these years rotting in utter loneliness, despair, dread, desperation, depression, anxiety and rejection have had a brutal toll in my mental health. Of course, as if that was not enough, I also had to lose the genetic lottery.

She was living what I couldn't when I was her age. I wish I could just be permanently blissfully unaware of everything and be forever shut in my own world.
I envied her, because she had a fundamental piece for the development of a human being that I was deprived of. She is now very probably aware of what the world is like, which is the path of everyone that has ever grown up on this planet.
I just wish I had the opportunity to be like her, just go into a state where I am just unaware of everything, and just stay in that bliss because I don't know about the disgrace that is this world. I wish I had never seen this world, I wish I was never here.
I had buried my painful memories deep in my mind, under a pile of endless things used to cope, and seeing that girl just reminded me of my painful past and what I was deprived of—a normal childhood where I was carelessly happy, unaware, in bliss, worriless.
I felt envy, anger, I felt sad. All I wanted to do was just get the fuck out and go missing, disappear, kill myself somewhere. I just couldn't sit there, see and hear someone having what I didn't have and can't possibly have as we can't travel back in time. My existence is cursed, was always cursed.

View attachment 454350

All this takes me back to the times of school when I was still a kid. I saw their pictures recently and they are all winning in life today, they are successful, have a job, a life. I think about them everyday and I doubt they even think about me. Not a single one of them ever even asked about me. Someone I know said there were rumors about me being extremely racist towards the black girls that I studied with, which is a blatant fucking lie. I don't have such mentality. I bet they are glad I am gone. Many of them didn't even accept my friend request. They are too good at life to even be connected with a such fucking utter loser like me. They all grew up to be successful, even moved to other countries, and I am still in the place I have always been and can't get out of.
All I have tried to tell them as unknown, foreign, because they didn't know what suffering as a kid was like. Maybe they could relate a bit to it as adults, but back then they just didn't understand. I felt displaced, I felt weird, I was the only different kid who was always down and depressed. I felt alienated. I just wanted to talk to someone, and when I tried, I would be misunderstood, yelled at and expelled from class, ignored.

I still remember a day, somewhere in 2009 or 2008, I don't know. I had strong feelings for this girl, and everyone knew it, normal, happens when growing up. Well, then fucking asshole from my class who everyone knew was a bit of a jackass, approached her in a very brute way, and passionately kissed her for a long time right in front of me, knowing that I had feelings for her.
I still have that image ingrained in my mind to this day. It stings. I spend my days wishing I could just erase my entire life from existence.

View attachment 454364

I hope that when I die, there is some parallel universe waiting for me. An universe where I am in control of everything so I at least can have what I so want and long for. An universe where I can just be unaware of my past life, an universe where everything is perfect and not an utter and total mess like the reality we live in.
I think it is weird that one of the biggest unaswered questions for humanity is what happens when we die, and we will ALL know the answer someday, but will not come back to tell it.
I hope there can be an afterlife where such existence of pain, loneliness, rejection, depression, mental illness and barriers could be somehow compensated. There has to be something better after all this tragedy that we call life. There has to be.
you live in Mexico? Makes sense
 
turbocuckcel_7000

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even worse when these days you see a girl skipping around and playing, 2 years pass and she's already living with her boyfriend at his place
 
Mecoja

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Childhood makes you a person or destroy you, in our case it obliterated us.
 
Copexodius Maximus

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SlutLiberationFront said:
So, sometime between 2017 and 2018 my mom was dating this guy, he lives a few meters from us, so he was here all the time, quite a cool guy and I enjoyed talking to him about various subjects. One of the coolest things we talked about was about his trip to Antarctica when he was a Marine. Quite intelligent and had a lot to tell.

He had a 10-year-old daughter that I would always observe and listen to when she would come over with him to our house, NOT in a malicious way, it was in a way of being envious.
Sometimes she would just be laughing and playing for hours, happily, without any concern.

View attachment 454183

I remember a day when ahe was in the pool, playing like there was no tomorrow, and I was in my room using the computer just listening to her laughing in joy and amusement.
I can't even put to words the immeasurable anger I felt. She was laughing and being loudly happy for hours on end.
She was in a bliss... still in the blissful stage of life where you are unaware of the horrors of the world outside and what it can do to people. There were no worries, no problems or sorrows. When she was playing, there was only the present, the joy, the laughs...
I remember a day we went to McDonald's, she was running around and outside, enjoying the moment, fun fast food, the sun, all the fun, all while I was sitting in the chair, not even moving, in utter dread and despair. I was in such despair that I was dettached from reality. I was staring into nothingness in the direction of the floor while she was enjoying that blissful day.
I would look at her and want to kill myself.
She was experiencing what I never had—the bliss of being an innocent happy child unaware of the horror show that is the world outside our little bubble when we are that age.
She was experiencing the blissful innocente of childhood to the fullest, and I never had that.
I can only imagine what it feels like.

View attachment 454190

Her life at home was good, it was chill, it looks like she didn't have troubles at school or anything.
I was the complete opposite.
At that age, I started to notice that the people I thought liked me at school were now hating on me and would be glad to see me out of there and dead. I was getting in trouble every day and I would get expelled from the class almost every day because the teachers would be excessively rude and picky towards me if I said a single word in the clasroom. I was lonely, depressed, I just wanted to talk. A simple small talk about anything like "I didn't sleep well tonight" would be enough for the teachers to scream their lungs out on me, be really rude and throw me out of the class.
I just... wanted to talk, I was needing it. I was incapable of feeling any joy anymore, I couldn't laugh anymore or even get excited for anything. If anything, having to wake up again was pure torture and suicidefuel, if I could have chosen, I would not have gotten out of bed to go to school anymore at that stage of my life.

By that time, I had already been through a lot of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, despair, longing to be understood and listened to.
Sometimes I would have the opportunity to talk to someome out of the class, but nothing that would really brighten my day or help me in any way. What I felt and tried to describe was totally foreign, unconceivable for them. They didn't know what was depression, or anxiety, or losing people you knew.

At that age, most of my old friends from when I was younger were either dead or lost to life in crime. I remember that an older friend of mine got burned alive for some reason. I guess it was gang-related. His body was completely burned and he had one of his arms up like he was pleading for help, I was looking at that scene while I was not even 8 years old. It happened not even 400 meters away from our house.
Other friends disappeared and no one ever heard from them again, and they remain missing to this day.
Others would show up in the street completely drugged up, they were starting to lose their life at such an early age to drugs.
Life was a struggle, and overall terrifying, anxious. Nobody could understand me at school because they had so much better lives.
All that before and during the stage at what that girl had that age. 1 week after my 11th birthday, I would be losing my father, the person I was most attached to, and life got insanely bad and tough from there on, I can't even find a conceivable way to describe it, and I was just a child, still growing up.

View attachment 454195

People bullied the fuck out of me in my early stages of life, even if I was just a little kid. It messed me up for life, I still struggle with the feeling and memories of it all to this day. I grew up being made fun of, being a fucking walking meme before memes even existed. People would gather in mass to joke about me, make fun of me to humiliate me every day, my brother would see it all and do nothing. People were real scumbags to me in my early years and I still can't get off my mind, it messed so much with me. I developed mental issues, trust issues, I became isolated, defensive.
Computers were really expensive at the time, but we could afford them, so I would be on the computer as much as I could. Life was not good outside. I got exposed to the horrors of the world at an alarming young age and emotionally to hell by tens of people everywhere.
Whenever I would go out I would have panic attacks in crowded places, because the past experiences would replay in my mind and I would think everyone was gathering to bully me like they use to before. I would be terrified to go out. I would feel everyone was looking at me, and somehow planning to laugh all at the same time about me for a more shocking effect.
I would have been exposed to risky situations with my family, financially and life hazards such as violent crime and threats.

I got beaten up badly by a much older dude who was basically a giant for his age, and thus, 100000000 times stronger than me, and he was a fucking black belt already, and I was just a defenseless child. There was nothing I could do. My brother and my best friend at the time saw it all and did nothing to defend me. They probably enjoyed it. That dude traumatized me for life. To this day I still occasionally have traumatic flashbacks to that moment when he beat the shit out of me for no reason, and have this paranoia that at any moment someone will show up out of nowhere and attack me with a will to really destroy me.
I got threatened by a drug cartel member when I was around 9 years old, I was just sitting in that bench under the tree and he threatened to beat me and kill me violently. My brother once again saw and heard it all and did nothing. He really had the devil in his look and the pure sadism in his voice, and that shit is still in my mind. A friend got killed by the local cartel, burned alive as I said previously in the text, and now I was being threatened out of nowhere for no reason, I was a kid, holy shit. I was just sitting there under the tree and I perfectly knew what kind of evil they are capable of. What did I even do?

I was THAT fucked up mentally by around the age of that girl, without even mentioning that I got exposed to porn at around age 6, and was fully aware of what it was. So I was never really innocent.
These ghosts from the past haunt me to this day.
I became more and more isolated, to the point of never getting out my the house anymore.

View attachment 454199

When we moved to the currently place I live in, I didn't step out of the front door for more than a whole year.
Being on the computer, just doing random stuff or playing games was my only escape from the pain life caused me.
There was not a time I was awake and was not on the computer to run away as much as I could from real life. Now, years later, that does not work anymore. It does not matter how engaged I am with something, I just can't run away from reality anymore. Nothing is ever capable of distracting me or making me happy in any way, or excited, anything good.
I long to feel the comfort of being happy and conformed with I have in the moment, I long for the touch of someone else that could make my mind be a bit more at ease.
I had buried so many things in my mind by 2017 - 2018, and this 10yo JB just brought everything back. It's not her fault, I don't blame her. It was not her fault that I had such a shitty life before.
I got called a manchild many times, but people will never understand why I am like this. I still feel like a child sometimes, maybe because I didn't really have the opportunity to be one.
All these years rotting in utter loneliness, despair, dread, desperation, depression, anxiety and rejection have had a brutal toll in my mental health. Of course, as if that was not enough, I also had to lose the genetic lottery.

She was living what I couldn't when I was her age. I wish I could just be permanently blissfully unaware of everything and be forever shut in my own world.
I envied her, because she had a fundamental piece for the development of a human being that I was deprived of. She is now very probably aware of what the world is like, which is the path of everyone that has ever grown up on this planet.
I just wish I had the opportunity to be like her, just go into a state where I am just unaware of everything, and just stay in that bliss because I don't know about the disgrace that is this world. I wish I had never seen this world, I wish I was never here.
I had buried my painful memories deep in my mind, under a pile of endless things used to cope, and seeing that girl just reminded me of my painful past and what I was deprived of—a normal childhood where I was carelessly happy, unaware, in bliss, worriless.
I felt envy, anger, I felt sad. All I wanted to do was just get the fuck out and go missing, disappear, kill myself somewhere. I just couldn't sit there, see and hear someone having what I didn't have and can't possibly have as we can't travel back in time. My existence is cursed, was always cursed.

View attachment 454350

All this takes me back to the times of school when I was still a kid. I saw their pictures recently and they are all winning in life today, they are successful, have a job, a life. I think about them everyday and I doubt they even think about me. Not a single one of them ever even asked about me. Someone I know said there were rumors about me being extremely racist towards the black girls that I studied with, which is a blatant fucking lie. I don't have such mentality. I bet they are glad I am gone. Many of them didn't even accept my friend request. They are too good at life to even be connected with a such fucking utter loser like me. They all grew up to be successful, even moved to other countries, and I am still in the place I have always been and can't get out of.
All I have tried to tell them as unknown, foreign, because they didn't know what suffering as a kid was like. Maybe they could relate a bit to it as adults, but back then they just didn't understand. I felt displaced, I felt weird, I was the only different kid who was always down and depressed. I felt alienated. I just wanted to talk to someone, and when I tried, I would be misunderstood, yelled at and expelled from class, ignored.

I still remember a day, somewhere in 2009 or 2008, I don't know. I had strong feelings for this girl, and everyone knew it, normal, happens when growing up. Well, then fucking asshole from my class who everyone knew was a bit of a jackass, approached her in a very brute way, and passionately kissed her for a long time right in front of me, knowing that I had feelings for her.
I still have that image ingrained in my mind to this day. It stings. I spend my days wishing I could just erase my entire life from existence.

View attachment 454364

I hope that when I die, there is some parallel universe waiting for me. An universe where I am in control of everything so I at least can have what I so want and long for. An universe where I can just be unaware of my past life, an universe where everything is perfect and not an utter and total mess like the reality we live in.
I think it is weird that one of the biggest unaswered questions for humanity is what happens when we die, and we will ALL know the answer someday, but will not come back to tell it.
I hope there can be an afterlife where such existence of pain, loneliness, rejection, depression, mental illness and barriers could be somehow compensated. There has to be something better after all this tragedy that we call life. There has to be.
Losing your childhood is probably worse than being an incel tbh.
Sorry you had to go through that.
 
SuccessfulShark

SuccessfulShark

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Brutal asf, watever you do don't kill yourself without taking tasting revenge.
 
M

manija2019

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where are you from op¿?

btw your story made me emotional,ngl,I had a life like this,after i turned 11 my world fall apart and i entered into a world of pain,literally

Thanks for sharing
 
A

Advorsor

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Justdone said:
View attachment 454417
The guest and this user knows the rest of the story
Of course the mods over there deleted this message because this doesn't fit into their narrative of "inkwell is always wrong".
 
PPEcel

PPEcel

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Don't use the term JB in this context.
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Kurt Gödel

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I'm really sorry that you had to go through this.
Life is a fucking mistake. Sometimes I wish that an asteroid would be in our way so I could just shoot myself in the head knowing that humanity would go extinct.
 
Linesnap99

Linesnap99

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sorry you have through it.
 
dreadtheblackpill

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Lonelycel

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All I wanted to do was just get the fuck out and go missing, disappear, kill myself somewhere.

This is how I feel all of the time, I just feel like running away where there aren't any people, no one to laugh at me or mock me anymore, no expectations, no judgement, just to feel like a normal person for once.
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Lonelycel said:
This is how I feel all of the time, I just feel like running away where there aren't any people, no one to laugh at me or mock me anymore, no expectations, no judgement, just to feel like a normal person for once.
I relate so fucking much to this...
 
HopeCopeRope

HopeCopeRope

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SlutLiberationFront said:
So, sometime between 2017 and 2018 my mom was dating this guy, he lives a few meters from us, so he was here all the time, quite a cool guy and I enjoyed talking to him about various subjects. One of the coolest things we talked about was about his trip to Antarctica when he was a Marine. Quite intelligent and had a lot to tell.

He had a 10-year-old daughter that I would always observe and listen to when she would come over with him to our house, NOT in a malicious way, it was in a way of being envious.
Sometimes she would just be laughing and playing for hours, happily, without any concern.

View attachment 454183

I remember a day when ahe was in the pool, playing like there was no tomorrow, and I was in my room using the computer just listening to her laughing in joy and amusement.
I can't even put to words the immeasurable anger I felt. She was laughing and being loudly happy for hours on end.
She was in a bliss... still in the blissful stage of life where you are unaware of the horrors of the world outside and what it can do to people. There were no worries, no problems or sorrows. When she was playing, there was only the present, the joy, the laughs...
I remember a day we went to McDonald's, she was running around and outside, enjoying the moment, fun fast food, the sun, all the fun, all while I was sitting in the chair, not even moving, in utter dread and despair. I was in such despair that I was dettached from reality. I was staring into nothingness in the direction of the floor while she was enjoying that blissful day.
I would look at her and want to kill myself.
She was experiencing what I never had—the bliss of being an innocent happy child unaware of the horror show that is the world outside our little bubble when we are that age.
She was experiencing the blissful innocente of childhood to the fullest, and I never had that.
I can only imagine what it feels like.

View attachment 454190

Her life at home was good, it was chill, it looks like she didn't have troubles at school or anything.
I was the complete opposite.
At that age, I started to notice that the people I thought liked me at school were now hating on me and would be glad to see me out of there and dead. I was getting in trouble every day and I would get expelled from the class almost every day because the teachers would be excessively rude and picky towards me if I said a single word in the clasroom. I was lonely, depressed, I just wanted to talk. A simple small talk about anything like "I didn't sleep well tonight" would be enough for the teachers to scream their lungs out on me, be really rude and throw me out of the class.
I just... wanted to talk, I was needing it. I was incapable of feeling any joy anymore, I couldn't laugh anymore or even get excited for anything. If anything, having to wake up again was pure torture and suicidefuel, if I could have chosen, I would not have gotten out of bed to go to school anymore at that stage of my life.

By that time, I had already been through a lot of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, despair, longing to be understood and listened to.
Sometimes I would have the opportunity to talk to someome out of the class, but nothing that would really brighten my day or help me in any way. What I felt and tried to describe was totally foreign, unconceivable for them. They didn't know what was depression, or anxiety, or losing people you knew.

At that age, most of my old friends from when I was younger were either dead or lost to life in crime. I remember that an older friend of mine got burned alive for some reason. I guess it was gang-related. His body was completely burned and he had one of his arms up like he was pleading for help, I was looking at that scene while I was not even 8 years old. It happened not even 400 meters away from our house.
Other friends disappeared and no one ever heard from them again, and they remain missing to this day.
Others would show up in the street completely drugged up, they were starting to lose their life at such an early age to drugs.
Life was a struggle, and overall terrifying, anxious. Nobody could understand me at school because they had so much better lives.
All that before and during the stage at what that girl had that age. 1 week after my 11th birthday, I would be losing my father, the person I was most attached to, and life got insanely bad and tough from there on, I can't even find a conceivable way to describe it, and I was just a child, still growing up.

View attachment 454195

People bullied the fuck out of me in my early stages of life, even if I was just a little kid. It messed me up for life, I still struggle with the feeling and memories of it all to this day. I grew up being made fun of, being a fucking walking meme before memes even existed. People would gather in mass to joke about me, make fun of me to humiliate me every day, my brother would see it all and do nothing. People were real scumbags to me in my early years and I still can't get off my mind, it messed so much with me. I developed mental issues, trust issues, I became isolated, defensive.
Computers were really expensive at the time, but we could afford them, so I would be on the computer as much as I could. Life was not good outside. I got exposed to the horrors of the world at an alarming young age and emotionally to hell by tens of people everywhere.
Whenever I would go out I would have panic attacks in crowded places, because the past experiences would replay in my mind and I would think everyone was gathering to bully me like they use to before. I would be terrified to go out. I would feel everyone was looking at me, and somehow planning to laugh all at the same time about me for a more shocking effect.
I would have been exposed to risky situations with my family, financially and life hazards such as violent crime and threats.

I got beaten up badly by a much older dude who was basically a giant for his age, and thus, 100000000 times stronger than me, and he was a fucking black belt already, and I was just a defenseless child. There was nothing I could do. My brother and my best friend at the time saw it all and did nothing to defend me. They probably enjoyed it. That dude traumatized me for life. To this day I still occasionally have traumatic flashbacks to that moment when he beat the shit out of me for no reason, and have this paranoia that at any moment someone will show up out of nowhere and attack me with a will to really destroy me.
I got threatened by a drug cartel member when I was around 9 years old, I was just sitting in that bench under the tree and he threatened to beat me and kill me violently. My brother once again saw and heard it all and did nothing. He really had the devil in his look and the pure sadism in his voice, and that shit is still in my mind. A friend got killed by the local cartel, burned alive as I said previously in the text, and now I was being threatened out of nowhere for no reason, I was a kid, holy shit. I was just sitting there under the tree and I perfectly knew what kind of evil they are capable of. What did I even do?

I was THAT fucked up mentally by around the age of that girl, without even mentioning that I got exposed to porn at around age 6, and was fully aware of what it was. So I was never really innocent.
These ghosts from the past haunt me to this day.
I became more and more isolated, to the point of never getting out my the house anymore.

View attachment 454199

When we moved to the currently place I live in, I didn't step out of the front door for more than a whole year.
Being on the computer, just doing random stuff or playing games was my only escape from the pain life caused me.
There was not a time I was awake and was not on the computer to run away as much as I could from real life. Now, years later, that does not work anymore. It does not matter how engaged I am with something, I just can't run away from reality anymore. Nothing is ever capable of distracting me or making me happy in any way, or excited, anything good.
I long to feel the comfort of being happy and conformed with I have in the moment, I long for the touch of someone else that could make my mind be a bit more at ease.
I had buried so many things in my mind by 2017 - 2018, and this 10yo JB just brought everything back. It's not her fault, I don't blame her. It was not her fault that I had such a shitty life before.
I got called a manchild many times, but people will never understand why I am like this. I still feel like a child sometimes, maybe because I didn't really have the opportunity to be one.
All these years rotting in utter loneliness, despair, dread, desperation, depression, anxiety and rejection have had a brutal toll in my mental health. Of course, as if that was not enough, I also had to lose the genetic lottery.

She was living what I couldn't when I was her age. I wish I could just be permanently blissfully unaware of everything and be forever shut in my own world.
I envied her, because she had a fundamental piece for the development of a human being that I was deprived of. She is now very probably aware of what the world is like, which is the path of everyone that has ever grown up on this planet.
I just wish I had the opportunity to be like her, just go into a state where I am just unaware of everything, and just stay in that bliss because I don't know about the disgrace that is this world. I wish I had never seen this world, I wish I was never here.
I had buried my painful memories deep in my mind, under a pile of endless things used to cope, and seeing that girl just reminded me of my painful past and what I was deprived of—a normal childhood where I was carelessly happy, unaware, in bliss, worriless.
I felt envy, anger, I felt sad. All I wanted to do was just get the fuck out and go missing, disappear, kill myself somewhere. I just couldn't sit there, see and hear someone having what I didn't have and can't possibly have as we can't travel back in time. My existence is cursed, was always cursed.

View attachment 454350

All this takes me back to the times of school when I was still a kid. I saw their pictures recently and they are all winning in life today, they are successful, have a job, a life. I think about them everyday and I doubt they even think about me. Not a single one of them ever even asked about me. Someone I know said there were rumors about me being extremely racist towards the black girls that I studied with, which is a blatant fucking lie. I don't have such mentality. I bet they are glad I am gone. Many of them didn't even accept my friend request. They are too good at life to even be connected with a such fucking utter loser like me. They all grew up to be successful, even moved to other countries, and I am still in the place I have always been and can't get out of.
All I have tried to tell them as unknown, foreign, because they didn't know what suffering as a kid was like. Maybe they could relate a bit to it as adults, but back then they just didn't understand. I felt displaced, I felt weird, I was the only different kid who was always down and depressed. I felt alienated. I just wanted to talk to someone, and when I tried, I would be misunderstood, yelled at and expelled from class, ignored.

I still remember a day, somewhere in 2009 or 2008, I don't know. I had strong feelings for this girl, and everyone knew it, normal, happens when growing up. Well, then fucking asshole from my class who everyone knew was a bit of a jackass, approached her in a very brute way, and passionately kissed her for a long time right in front of me, knowing that I had feelings for her.
I still have that image ingrained in my mind to this day. It stings. I spend my days wishing I could just erase my entire life from existence.

View attachment 454364

I hope that when I die, there is some parallel universe waiting for me. An universe where I am in control of everything so I at least can have what I so want and long for. An universe where I can just be unaware of my past life, an universe where everything is perfect and not an utter and total mess like the reality we live in.
I think it is weird that one of the biggest unaswered questions for humanity is what happens when we die, and we will ALL know the answer someday, but will not come back to tell it.
I hope there can be an afterlife where such existence of pain, loneliness, rejection, depression, mental illness and barriers could be somehow compensated. There has to be something better after all this tragedy that we call life. There has to be.
Too long, dnr :feelsjuice:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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HopeCopeRope said:
Too long, dnr :feelsjuice:
SlutLiberationFront said:
10-year-old daughter of a guy my mom dated reminded me that I was deprived of a normal childhood with blissful unawareness, innocence, carelessness and happiness.
The TLDR.
 
PPEcel

PPEcel

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Emba

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Brutal brutalitypill bro.

My condolences...

All THAT. And now add the early blackpill of Inceldom to it...

I completely understand. Been there, i spent my childhood knife fighting.

I recommend become a deep woods hermit. It's a good peaceful life.

Find a way to make bare survival money.
 
Aadi

Aadi

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Grape her hole


dig a hole in ground and throw grapes on it
 
Words2_live_bye

Words2_live_bye

What a Shame ...
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SlutLiberationFront said:
I was deprived of a normal childhood
this for growing up without a dad, having a shitty mom, and being raised as a jehovah's witness
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

For the end of sluts and their spread of STDs
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Words2_live_bye said:
this for growing up without a dad, having a shitty mom, and being raised as a jehovah's witness
Fuck, that sucks so much dude. That would seriously fuck up many people.
 
Izayacel

Izayacel

NATURALE HARMONIE "
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Nukethisgayearth said:
You forgot to mention the part where she became a whore in her teens and fucked 20 chads
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

For the end of sluts and their spread of STDs
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DGood said:
Brutal. Read it all.
Yeah it's not a happy read, and I left a lot of things out.
 
Pain And Hatred

Pain And Hatred

₆⁶₆Satanic₆⁶₆ ☿️Thelemite☿️ ☥Ocultist☥
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Nukethisgayearth said:
You forgot to mention the part where she became a whore in her teens and fucked 20 chads
:blackpill:
 
Pain And Hatred

Pain And Hatred

₆⁶₆Satanic₆⁶₆ ☿️Thelemite☿️ ☥Ocultist☥
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Nukethisgayearth said:
I wanna fuck ur avi
:feelswhat::feelswhat:
I wanna fuck yours as well. What anime is that from?