Ever since high school I’ve become anti social and slowly realized how cruel the world is I use to be the class clown in elementary school and middle school made people laugh starting to realize maybe they were just laughing at me and not my jokes. High school made me realize how cruel the average woman really is and how they are basically all whores and expect more than they deserve the average man just wants to experience love but due to feminism and the corrupt nature of women this seems to be nearly impossible hopefully I’ll ascend one day. In highschool i lost a lot of weight and even tried to do skin care and hit the gym for a little bit but due to getting back issues (DDD Degenerative Disc Disease) it demotivated me and I stopped hitting the gym it seems everything I try fails. I’ve seen quiet guys just like me pull girls just by looking better than me, makes me so mad, it’s all unfair. I’m average looking at most maybe even worse looking than that. All I want is to find love and get married and have children but this seems like it will never happen each day that goes by. Never had a kiss or been hugged by a girl. The most I've experienced is a couple online things but very short lived and only made me feel more insecure and they were crazy bitches. I highly doubt I’ll ever have a kiss or experience love in real life my only hope is to attain enough money to up my status but even then that won’t change my looks. I am only 5’9 1/2 which isn’t extremely short but still not that tall. I have brown hair and brown eyes which I don’t mind but I just think I’m not ever going to be in the top 20% of men. I remember arguing with some buddies of mine about age laws and women and one of them said I sound like a incel as an insult of course I didn’t say yes because I didn’t want to automatically lose the argument and make a fool of myself but it just made me feel worse about myself. I feel like most people won’t ever understand me even my mother when I try to tell her about modern women she just says things like “there is bad men too. You’ll find the right one eventually” makes me so angry and internally sad. If I was a chad I wouldn’t try to be a egoistic asshole I would try to be friendly towards incels but instead I’ll remain a loveless virgin my whole life. I also hate when normies say to get a hooker. Those things only boost the egos of whores and if it’s only about making myself feel good I could just jerk off but I want to experience real love. Society has casted me out I’ve been mistreated by the schools and law enforcement in my area they view me as unhinged and a threat just because of my racist or incel rhetoric which is bullshit. I don’t even hate any race I just understand the black pill and racial hierarchy and want to preserve my culture but how can I even preserve my culture if I’ll never have children?!?. Fuck this world the only people I have are a couple friends and my family but even they won’t understand my pain. Only one friend I have that can understand me completely.
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