Despite being active on the community since the OG subreddit days, back on 2022 i had a very hope fueled cope phase because it was my second year of college and knowing my last chance of being a "late bloomer" was dissapearing from me, this pushed me into a self improvement phase that lasted the whole year.
I lost like 35kg, started a routine, bought good clothes and started to push myself to socialize at the college using the 1 or 2 dudes at the class that tolerated my presence, the only thing i saw were blackpills all around me, all the women i saw on campus while hanging out with the dudes ALWAYS had tall men with them while the few short men like myself i could see always were alone or with other dudes, when this dude brought me to restaurants with him and others to eat i could see how all women fully ignored me while they all made and kept convos going with other better looking and NT dudes. It was like i was dead and just being an spectator, this would repeat itself everytime i went out with them
After a few months of legit trying my best to fit in and failing and failing, all came crashed down when i noticed how balding had began on me, my dad would then pass away on the same year and that was the breaking point for me, i drifted away from trying to "escape" and noticed how nobody of those normies even wrote me a single message ever, i was always the one that needed to say hello to try to plan anything and most of the time they would send 1 or 2 words anwers and nothing else, i knew i was at a brutal disavantaged position, but hope made me do stupid things until it died out. I would then discover other classrooms of that college were calling me an uni shooter out of nowhere and clowning me on tiktok (No, i never did or threatened anyone im campus, i was just a loner weirdo, that was enough for them)
Nowadays im yoyoing back hard, my room is filled to the brim with anime posters and figures and plushies and im slowly but surely fully isolating myself from the world doing room improvements to turn it into the ultimate hikki cave, the uni years traumatized me so bad i didn't even had the energy to go to any ceremony, but i don't have any hatred against myself, i tried my best i truly did and failed, i won't keep doing that type of self harm.
I lost like 35kg, started a routine, bought good clothes and started to push myself to socialize at the college using the 1 or 2 dudes at the class that tolerated my presence, the only thing i saw were blackpills all around me, all the women i saw on campus while hanging out with the dudes ALWAYS had tall men with them while the few short men like myself i could see always were alone or with other dudes, when this dude brought me to restaurants with him and others to eat i could see how all women fully ignored me while they all made and kept convos going with other better looking and NT dudes. It was like i was dead and just being an spectator, this would repeat itself everytime i went out with them
After a few months of legit trying my best to fit in and failing and failing, all came crashed down when i noticed how balding had began on me, my dad would then pass away on the same year and that was the breaking point for me, i drifted away from trying to "escape" and noticed how nobody of those normies even wrote me a single message ever, i was always the one that needed to say hello to try to plan anything and most of the time they would send 1 or 2 words anwers and nothing else, i knew i was at a brutal disavantaged position, but hope made me do stupid things until it died out. I would then discover other classrooms of that college were calling me an uni shooter out of nowhere and clowning me on tiktok (No, i never did or threatened anyone im campus, i was just a loner weirdo, that was enough for them)
Nowadays im yoyoing back hard, my room is filled to the brim with anime posters and figures and plushies and im slowly but surely fully isolating myself from the world doing room improvements to turn it into the ultimate hikki cave, the uni years traumatized me so bad i didn't even had the energy to go to any ceremony, but i don't have any hatred against myself, i tried my best i truly did and failed, i won't keep doing that type of self harm.
