Before 5th grade I was somewhat hopeful in life despite already facing some issues I didn't know would become major problems later on. I was naturally gifted at running and climbing and shit like that (kenyan genes lol) and already had a bit of an interest in gymnastics/parkour after learning how to front handspring at that early age. I took an interest in soccer around the 3rd grade and asked my mom if I could play, and she finally got around to it when I was in 5th grade. My first practice I enjoyed well enough and enjoyed being active but the coach (his name was literally Coach Chad lamo!! his gf was half his height) asked me if I could practice at home (FUCKER!!!). I ended up being kind of shit at the sport because I was too shy to communicate much with my teammates and too timid to be physical (like seriously what tf determines how much you can push other players?). The day before my first game I had a fever, but the morning of I felt fine so I decided to go. Within a minute of running around the field, I suddenly became hyper aware of the feelings in my throat, and the dryness I felt there suddenly made me want to gag. My gag reflex was continuously triggered and I started throwing up and sat out the rest of the game. Faggot parents told my mother that they'd prefer if I didn't play when I was sick (even though I wasn't) because they didn't want their kids getting sick (thanks for the concern you fucking cunts).
Ever since then, my gag reflex has been hypersensitive. The several months following this incident, I was so scared of triggering my gag reflex I was scared to go to school. It was triggered even when I wasn't doing anything physical. It was triggered by phlegm brought up while eating which made me afraid to eat and dread lunch time. Once I would start throwing up, I couldn't stop until the gagging feeling went away, which was continuously triggered by dryness or phlegm in the throat. Throwing up makes the phlegm in the throat much, much worse so I could only stop when I got to a source of water and continuously spit so I don't have to swallow and feel my throat. Despite this thing majorly affecting me, not a single adult came even close to helping me whatsogoddamnever. I'd be in the school clinic because of this many times and they'd assume it was just nausea because of overexertion. I think I went to see my pediatrician and she didn't help at all, just theorized some physical causes. She was incapable of acknowledging that what was happening to me wasn't normal. My mother feebly tried some Chinese herbal shit, once again not acknowledging the OBVIOUS fucking psychological aspect of this shit. My family and the adults around me have been completely incapable of understanding this shit to the point I think they're fucking retarded. Just the other day my sister told me that I should just start working out and everyone gets NAUSEA from overexertion DUMB BITCH IT'S NOT FUCKING NAUSEA YOU STUPID CUNT HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS?! When I was 16 I went to an ear nose and throat doctor and this quack gave another physical diagnosis that didn't address the issue at all after giving an intrusive, pointless test despite me pointing out that it wasn't normal and even suggesting it could be psychological at this point. Sent me home with quack pills. Only now 10 and a half fucking years after it first started affecting me have I been able to put a finger on it my goddamn self and I'm pretty sure it's some kind of OCD. Will confirm after I get out of this shithole Kenya.
This shit made me quit every sport I tried even though I didn't want to. That first season I played soccer I only threw up so many times during practices until I start skipping most of them and only showed up for the tournament games. The second season I played it miraculously didn't affect me as much and I played through most of the season okay, but the 3rd season it came back and I said fuck it and quit for good. I ran track in 6th grade during the time it wasn't affecting me as bad and quit cross country in 7th. I developed coping mechanisms and systems for it like keeping water on me at all times and running with a mouthful of water in track to delay the dryness. It still affects me today when my throat gets too dry and I'm not near any water and can't put it out of my mind before I get to water. It made me throw up as recent as a few months ago. It really fucking devastated me. I remember having my first real suicidal thoughts in 7th grade while throwing up in the school bathroom. I could have played sports and hung out with the normies on account of my physical skills but I was stuck ldaring at home reading or rotting. Maybe I could have developed some social skills that way. Maybe I could have avoided the depression and getting kicked from uni and fking fbicunt surveillance. It's this kind of strange, unrelatable, subhuman problem that characterizes my entire life's struggles. God fucking damn why was I born?
Ever since then, my gag reflex has been hypersensitive. The several months following this incident, I was so scared of triggering my gag reflex I was scared to go to school. It was triggered even when I wasn't doing anything physical. It was triggered by phlegm brought up while eating which made me afraid to eat and dread lunch time. Once I would start throwing up, I couldn't stop until the gagging feeling went away, which was continuously triggered by dryness or phlegm in the throat. Throwing up makes the phlegm in the throat much, much worse so I could only stop when I got to a source of water and continuously spit so I don't have to swallow and feel my throat. Despite this thing majorly affecting me, not a single adult came even close to helping me whatsogoddamnever. I'd be in the school clinic because of this many times and they'd assume it was just nausea because of overexertion. I think I went to see my pediatrician and she didn't help at all, just theorized some physical causes. She was incapable of acknowledging that what was happening to me wasn't normal. My mother feebly tried some Chinese herbal shit, once again not acknowledging the OBVIOUS fucking psychological aspect of this shit. My family and the adults around me have been completely incapable of understanding this shit to the point I think they're fucking retarded. Just the other day my sister told me that I should just start working out and everyone gets NAUSEA from overexertion DUMB BITCH IT'S NOT FUCKING NAUSEA YOU STUPID CUNT HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS?! When I was 16 I went to an ear nose and throat doctor and this quack gave another physical diagnosis that didn't address the issue at all after giving an intrusive, pointless test despite me pointing out that it wasn't normal and even suggesting it could be psychological at this point. Sent me home with quack pills. Only now 10 and a half fucking years after it first started affecting me have I been able to put a finger on it my goddamn self and I'm pretty sure it's some kind of OCD. Will confirm after I get out of this shithole Kenya.
This shit made me quit every sport I tried even though I didn't want to. That first season I played soccer I only threw up so many times during practices until I start skipping most of them and only showed up for the tournament games. The second season I played it miraculously didn't affect me as much and I played through most of the season okay, but the 3rd season it came back and I said fuck it and quit for good. I ran track in 6th grade during the time it wasn't affecting me as bad and quit cross country in 7th. I developed coping mechanisms and systems for it like keeping water on me at all times and running with a mouthful of water in track to delay the dryness. It still affects me today when my throat gets too dry and I'm not near any water and can't put it out of my mind before I get to water. It made me throw up as recent as a few months ago. It really fucking devastated me. I remember having my first real suicidal thoughts in 7th grade while throwing up in the school bathroom. I could have played sports and hung out with the normies on account of my physical skills but I was stuck ldaring at home reading or rotting. Maybe I could have developed some social skills that way. Maybe I could have avoided the depression and getting kicked from uni and fking fbicunt surveillance. It's this kind of strange, unrelatable, subhuman problem that characterizes my entire life's struggles. God fucking damn why was I born?
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