N
Apologies for sounding like a fag here, just had to get this off my chest.
Every time I mention to my family how fucking shit I am at everything I try they reply "oh don't worry, everyone fails at the first...". They stop to think for a moment about how much I fail and how much of a waste I am then say "Couple things they try". It hurts, it hurts because I know they are aware of how much of a piece of shit I am. I hear them talking to each other about how much they dislike me, about how much they wish I wasn't there, and about what there lives would be like if they didn't have to worry about me which is invariably a better situation. I hate this so much, it's like I'm not even human enough for them to be honest and just say "YES, we HATE you". I'm not even granted the dignity of the truth, all I get are hollow and pointless reassurances.
The fact of the matter is I'm fucked at a fundamental level, every time I try another part of me fucks up. I can sort of sum this up with a paraphrased quote from a book I read this summer (written by a foid so I apologize for that) where the author was talking about her dead husband "Maybe Ed's purpose was just to bring me here". Well I feel like my purpose was never there to begin with, that I'm just floating through the world being unlikable. Does anyone else here feel that way, like they were created by a mistake somehow?
Every time I mention to my family how fucking shit I am at everything I try they reply "oh don't worry, everyone fails at the first...". They stop to think for a moment about how much I fail and how much of a waste I am then say "Couple things they try". It hurts, it hurts because I know they are aware of how much of a piece of shit I am. I hear them talking to each other about how much they dislike me, about how much they wish I wasn't there, and about what there lives would be like if they didn't have to worry about me which is invariably a better situation. I hate this so much, it's like I'm not even human enough for them to be honest and just say "YES, we HATE you". I'm not even granted the dignity of the truth, all I get are hollow and pointless reassurances.
The fact of the matter is I'm fucked at a fundamental level, every time I try another part of me fucks up. I can sort of sum this up with a paraphrased quote from a book I read this summer (written by a foid so I apologize for that) where the author was talking about her dead husband "Maybe Ed's purpose was just to bring me here". Well I feel like my purpose was never there to begin with, that I'm just floating through the world being unlikable. Does anyone else here feel that way, like they were created by a mistake somehow?
