H
I guess it's time to take the blackpill. I'm not going to get into my own problems over the years as I've stated on here before, but it's true. You're either on the level/status or you're not. While I am now finally accepting that well, I didn't get my share of action over the years, goodbye late teens to mid 20s, I am trying/hoping I will meet someone. Laugh if you will, I feel like that would solve alot. Maybe I do need to get out more and change my schedule. I am on this work midday to night thing, at home for a few hours, back up and do it all over again.
After 11 pm, there is nothing to do. I don't drink so bars are out of the question. Even then, you either fit in or you don't. I mean, I am 32, and this shit is still a problem. I could have/should have fixed or improved this sooner, but I got so used to this feeling, it consumed me and I had little help or support getting it together. I am getting off track a bit. Anyways, yeah, the stuff about looks/leagues/status is true. I spent my whole life ignoring it thinking I would figure it out on my own or it would solve it's self. That I would meet and be with someone either via online or on it's own.
That hasn't happened in along time. My last relationship, it lasted a little over a month, I'm not going to get into blame things, I wasn't as appreciative as I should have been and didn't quite have my shit together, no job, living at home, she had gotten a job and she also tried to make me someone I wasn't. I was used to joking around and criticizing things I thought were crap like music movies etc with friends, she was too sensitive to it. We almost had sex, if I hadn't fucked it up. Anyways. Yeah. And it does begin at a young age. Like even when I was younger/a kid it was a problem.
I knew there was something off or wrong, with me and others. There was a system, a matrix if you would. And there was this sense of isolation mixed with rage, resentment, like something wasn't fair. I mean, fuck, I figured it out, some could get away with things more than others. It wasn't always so much looks as it was social standing and friends and shit. And you'd think by this age, you'd have had that all figured out. Nope. Maybe barely.
Oh the chads and stacies thing is true. Not even the looks and leagues stuff, I'm talking attitude and this little fuckers thinks the world revolves around them and no one tells them to go fuck themselves. I don't care how ugly or attractive you are, if you do that shit, fuck you! I don't like that. I had some shit happen tonight at work, nothing bad, but observations about certain people, young and old mind you, that reinforced/confirmed all of this. I don't want to just give up, but my luck/success in this area has been nill. And shit like that post where they all talk about their partners just makes things worse.
After 11 pm, there is nothing to do. I don't drink so bars are out of the question. Even then, you either fit in or you don't. I mean, I am 32, and this shit is still a problem. I could have/should have fixed or improved this sooner, but I got so used to this feeling, it consumed me and I had little help or support getting it together. I am getting off track a bit. Anyways, yeah, the stuff about looks/leagues/status is true. I spent my whole life ignoring it thinking I would figure it out on my own or it would solve it's self. That I would meet and be with someone either via online or on it's own.
That hasn't happened in along time. My last relationship, it lasted a little over a month, I'm not going to get into blame things, I wasn't as appreciative as I should have been and didn't quite have my shit together, no job, living at home, she had gotten a job and she also tried to make me someone I wasn't. I was used to joking around and criticizing things I thought were crap like music movies etc with friends, she was too sensitive to it. We almost had sex, if I hadn't fucked it up. Anyways. Yeah. And it does begin at a young age. Like even when I was younger/a kid it was a problem.
I knew there was something off or wrong, with me and others. There was a system, a matrix if you would. And there was this sense of isolation mixed with rage, resentment, like something wasn't fair. I mean, fuck, I figured it out, some could get away with things more than others. It wasn't always so much looks as it was social standing and friends and shit. And you'd think by this age, you'd have had that all figured out. Nope. Maybe barely.
Oh the chads and stacies thing is true. Not even the looks and leagues stuff, I'm talking attitude and this little fuckers thinks the world revolves around them and no one tells them to go fuck themselves. I don't care how ugly or attractive you are, if you do that shit, fuck you! I don't like that. I had some shit happen tonight at work, nothing bad, but observations about certain people, young and old mind you, that reinforced/confirmed all of this. I don't want to just give up, but my luck/success in this area has been nill. And shit like that post where they all talk about their partners just makes things worse.
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