I
There needs to be some physical/sexual attraction between two people in order for them to consider entering into a romantic relationship with one another. This is just a fact. Your appearance won't prevent you from being friends with women but if you want romance you need to be attractive.
There are two kinds of platitudes that you'll receive: Ones that have to do with what you can change, and platitudes about aspects of your physical appearance that are outside of your control. I hate most of these platitudes not only because they are unrealistic, but because none of that advice guarantees that you'll have romantic success. I'll go through one by one all the platitudes I've gotten from members on r/inceltears over the past couple of months and why they anger me.
"Take a shower/anything to do with hygiene or fashion sense."
This is the first thing that you'll be told, as if somehow you were never taught to clean your-self and make sure that you smell and dress pleasantly. As someone who showers daily, brushes three times a day, flosses twice a day, combs his hair, gets it cut monthly, always wears clean clothing and puts on a light scent of cologne every day before leaving the house, this advice means nothing to me.
This is the kind of advice that will likely work for Chads who were too lazy to work on their hygiene. Yes, a smelly, dirty, white, 6'4", goodlooking guy will fix his dating problems if he gets better hygiene.
Having a good sense of hygiene alone is not enough to fix your dating problems. It should be considered something that's standard.
"Hit the gym and lose the weight."
I was never above 20% bodyfat my whole life, but I actually did take this advice seriously and worked on getting a better body, thinking that it would help compensate for my short height and ugly face.
So I hit the gym for the past year and went from 5'5", 115 lbs to 140 lbs, 12% bodyfat. I have visible abs and look buff enough without looking too big (It's impossible to look too big as a natty). If you were to make me proportionally taller I'd be the equivalent of a 6 ft, 200 lbs guy which is very Chadlike.
Unsurprisingly, my getting stronger and more muscular didn't really help out my dating life. It made it easier to get respect from men, definitely, but no woman is going to be gushing over the big-nosed midget who has a huge muscular chest and triceps. Bodybuilding for the sake of being more attractive to women is counterproductive in my opinion, but if anyone is going to benefit romantically from bodybuilding, they have to be at least 5'8" with an average face.
Don't get me wrong there are girls out there who just want to be stretched by a muscular brute, but that kind of girl wants a guy that's just big in general, not just muscular. I'll never be big enough at 5'5" to be considered by those girls.
I can PM you my transformation if you don't believe me, but I'd rather remain anonymous on here.
"Just get some hobbies and live an interesting life, then women will want to be with you."
That's again not necessarily true. Again, they assume that I'm a basement dweller who sits in his computer all day which is far from the truth.
I'm a semi-athlete, and I compete in both powerlifting and kickboxing. These are things I do or train at least twice a week. I volunteer as a mentor for at-risk youth associated with gang violence. Basically, I just chill with one of these guys once a week, they're around 12 or 13, and we either do some fun activity like go karting or we play basketball or whatever it is they want to do. In my free time, I like growing plants indoors and experimenting with hydroponics and have invested quite a lot of money into setting those up in my house. I grow a variety of things from vegetables, to flowers, to mushrooms. I like cooking with some of those plants too.
r/inceltears overestimates the importance of hobbies when it comes to finding relationships. Yes you need to get out of your house, and having an interesting life will make a woman more inclined to stay with you if she's already attracted to you, but hobbies alone are not going to make a woman sexually attracted to you.
The only exception is if you're some varsity level athlete who plays football or basketball, but that's mostly because the only athletes that play those sports tend to be pretty tall, which is an attractive trait to begin with.
I know way too many deadbeat guys who do nothing but smoke pot all day have no ambitions and work low level jobs who have girlfriends. They tend to be goodlooking and tall as well, go figure. Having an active and "interesting" life has not made it easier to find a relationship.
"Well the reason none of that is helping you is because you're only doing them to get a relationship. Women can sense that and are put off by it."
And this phrase is where all this self-improvement crap is thrown out of the window. By taking part in self-improvement, you're basically admitting to yourself that you're not good enough and that you have to fundamentally change the way you are. It is a toxic mindset on its own which will seethe into everything you do. People will detect if you are only doing things to appease others.
You think Chad ever had to do any self-improvement? You think normal people ever go to the lengths I went through to get a relationship? Far from it. I've done more to improve my-self than most people have who are in relationships.
That being said, no, I don't do any of these things for women anymore. I do them now because I genuinely enjoy them and they help me cope with life by giving it a greater meaning than it actually has.
"Get Therapy to deal with your socialization issues and depression."
They like bringing this one up a lot, as if having a thirty-minute talking session with somebody who barely knows you once a week is enough to get you a romantic relationship. And I let them know that I have tried therapy for over a year and it hasn't solved my real problem, which is a lack of a relationship.
Now for those of you who never went into therapy I'll explain what they do. The only thing therapists will help you do is develop coping strategies so that you minimize the impact that your actual problems have on your life. They will give you SSRIs, which are chemicals that increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, and that helps regulate your mood and increase suggestibility if used in the long-term.
So let's say you have problems getting into a relationship. The therapist won't help you solve that problem, but will try to convince you that a relationship is not that important in life. Or let's say you're insecure about your physical appearance. A therapist won't improve your physical appearance but will try to convince you that physical appearance doesn't matter. So if you want to learn proper coping strategies, you could visit a therapist, but they won't tell you anything different than what you can find if you search up, "Coping strategies" on Google.
This is regardless of the fact that I don't have issues socializing to begin with. I've never had problems making friends with either men or women, and don't face anxiety issues.
"Treat women like human beings and one of them will be attracted to you."
I treat women exactly the way I treat other men. I don't place them on a pedestal or anything.
Either way, that's not even going to guarantee that you'll get a girlfriend. If you treat a woman that's not attracted to you as a human being, and she likes your personality, your character and who you are as a person, then at most you'll be just a friend. You know how I know this? Because I can easily make friends with women, but not one of them wanted me to take things further.
There can be value in friendship with women, but if all you're seen as is a friend by women when you're a heterosexual male, then it's as if your sexuality is being disregarded and denied.
I've known guys who actually had misogynist views about women and treated them like garbage, yet he still managed to get laid because he's a 6'3" goodlooking white guy.
"Who cares? Having a girlfriend or getting sex is not that important anyways."
Okay, I encourage you to find me a perfect substitute to the kind of attention and affection you get from a romantic relationship.
"Not all girls care about height. Some girls even like short guys."
In my four years of University (a place that has a gender ratio of 60% women to 40% men mind you), I have never met a single girl who has a preference for shorter men. Not even a preference for men who are her height. The only guys I see around walking with girlfriends tend to be 6-8 inches taller than their girlfriend.
Do yourself a favour. Go and talk with, or eavesdrop a group of girls talking about what they like in guys. Do this a couple of times, and you'll almost always see an agreement among all the girls that tall guys are hot. It's just a fact that women like tall guys, this platitude doesn't help me or help any shorter guys out there.
"I'm dating a short guy right now. I'm into short guys."
Okay I believe you for a second. Answer all these questions:
Is he 5'7" or taller?
Did you make him wait a while before you went out with him (he was a friend for a long time)?
Do you believe that he makes up for his height through other attributes?
Do you secretly wish he were taller?
Are you severely overweight?
If yes to the above, would you still be dating him if you lost weight?
Would he still be dating you if he were taller?
Did you used to only date tall guys until you turned 25 or 30 then realized you don't mind short guys?
If you genuinely answered, "No" to all the questions, then congratulations, you're one of the very few women that actually doesn't care about height or maybe prefers shorter men.
Now my question to you is, how realistic do you think it is to find somebody like you? About 35% of men are 5'7" or shorter. Girls that truly don't care about height or don't make it a priority are about 20% of all women, if not less. If all the women who didn't care about dated a short guy, there would still be short guys left over who won't be able to find a girl that doesn't care about their height. Furthermore, not all the girls who don't care about height are dating short guys, so the pool for short guys is even smaller than that.
Yes, there are girls out there that are willing to date short guys, but the chances of finding them is very, very slim.
"You're still young at 20. Wait until you're 30 and a lot of girls will stop being shallow and appreciate al your other qualities. Just get rich in the process and demonstrate you're a stable person with financial stability"
This one is insulting. Basically what you're telling me is that I am supposed to wait for ten years, alone and sexless, while my future wife is banging all the guys that she wants to bang and having the time of her life with an abundance of sex and affection. When she gets tired of that and wants to settle down, then and only then can I get to experience a fraction of what she got to experience.
And it doesn't come for free either. While the guys she fucked around with got her love, sex and affection for free, I had to work my way up and spend a decade trying to get a nice house, a good car, basically all the stuff that signal financial stability. I need all of that to be with her.
And what's worse is that she won't be with me for me, but she'll be with me because of what I am to her; A stable support with financial means to take care of children. The passion she had for the other guys she dated in her youth won't be there, and she'll feel like she settled for someone she wasn't attracted to just because he had money. This type of marriage never ends well.
Why should I wait ten extra years to experience something that fucking 14 year olds get to experience? Explain that to me and maybe I'll believe you.
There are others but they're not in my head at the moment.
There are two kinds of platitudes that you'll receive: Ones that have to do with what you can change, and platitudes about aspects of your physical appearance that are outside of your control. I hate most of these platitudes not only because they are unrealistic, but because none of that advice guarantees that you'll have romantic success. I'll go through one by one all the platitudes I've gotten from members on r/inceltears over the past couple of months and why they anger me.
"Take a shower/anything to do with hygiene or fashion sense."
This is the first thing that you'll be told, as if somehow you were never taught to clean your-self and make sure that you smell and dress pleasantly. As someone who showers daily, brushes three times a day, flosses twice a day, combs his hair, gets it cut monthly, always wears clean clothing and puts on a light scent of cologne every day before leaving the house, this advice means nothing to me.
This is the kind of advice that will likely work for Chads who were too lazy to work on their hygiene. Yes, a smelly, dirty, white, 6'4", goodlooking guy will fix his dating problems if he gets better hygiene.
Having a good sense of hygiene alone is not enough to fix your dating problems. It should be considered something that's standard.
"Hit the gym and lose the weight."
I was never above 20% bodyfat my whole life, but I actually did take this advice seriously and worked on getting a better body, thinking that it would help compensate for my short height and ugly face.
So I hit the gym for the past year and went from 5'5", 115 lbs to 140 lbs, 12% bodyfat. I have visible abs and look buff enough without looking too big (It's impossible to look too big as a natty). If you were to make me proportionally taller I'd be the equivalent of a 6 ft, 200 lbs guy which is very Chadlike.
Unsurprisingly, my getting stronger and more muscular didn't really help out my dating life. It made it easier to get respect from men, definitely, but no woman is going to be gushing over the big-nosed midget who has a huge muscular chest and triceps. Bodybuilding for the sake of being more attractive to women is counterproductive in my opinion, but if anyone is going to benefit romantically from bodybuilding, they have to be at least 5'8" with an average face.
Don't get me wrong there are girls out there who just want to be stretched by a muscular brute, but that kind of girl wants a guy that's just big in general, not just muscular. I'll never be big enough at 5'5" to be considered by those girls.
I can PM you my transformation if you don't believe me, but I'd rather remain anonymous on here.
"Just get some hobbies and live an interesting life, then women will want to be with you."
That's again not necessarily true. Again, they assume that I'm a basement dweller who sits in his computer all day which is far from the truth.
I'm a semi-athlete, and I compete in both powerlifting and kickboxing. These are things I do or train at least twice a week. I volunteer as a mentor for at-risk youth associated with gang violence. Basically, I just chill with one of these guys once a week, they're around 12 or 13, and we either do some fun activity like go karting or we play basketball or whatever it is they want to do. In my free time, I like growing plants indoors and experimenting with hydroponics and have invested quite a lot of money into setting those up in my house. I grow a variety of things from vegetables, to flowers, to mushrooms. I like cooking with some of those plants too.
r/inceltears overestimates the importance of hobbies when it comes to finding relationships. Yes you need to get out of your house, and having an interesting life will make a woman more inclined to stay with you if she's already attracted to you, but hobbies alone are not going to make a woman sexually attracted to you.
The only exception is if you're some varsity level athlete who plays football or basketball, but that's mostly because the only athletes that play those sports tend to be pretty tall, which is an attractive trait to begin with.
I know way too many deadbeat guys who do nothing but smoke pot all day have no ambitions and work low level jobs who have girlfriends. They tend to be goodlooking and tall as well, go figure. Having an active and "interesting" life has not made it easier to find a relationship.
"Well the reason none of that is helping you is because you're only doing them to get a relationship. Women can sense that and are put off by it."
And this phrase is where all this self-improvement crap is thrown out of the window. By taking part in self-improvement, you're basically admitting to yourself that you're not good enough and that you have to fundamentally change the way you are. It is a toxic mindset on its own which will seethe into everything you do. People will detect if you are only doing things to appease others.
You think Chad ever had to do any self-improvement? You think normal people ever go to the lengths I went through to get a relationship? Far from it. I've done more to improve my-self than most people have who are in relationships.
That being said, no, I don't do any of these things for women anymore. I do them now because I genuinely enjoy them and they help me cope with life by giving it a greater meaning than it actually has.
"Get Therapy to deal with your socialization issues and depression."
They like bringing this one up a lot, as if having a thirty-minute talking session with somebody who barely knows you once a week is enough to get you a romantic relationship. And I let them know that I have tried therapy for over a year and it hasn't solved my real problem, which is a lack of a relationship.
Now for those of you who never went into therapy I'll explain what they do. The only thing therapists will help you do is develop coping strategies so that you minimize the impact that your actual problems have on your life. They will give you SSRIs, which are chemicals that increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, and that helps regulate your mood and increase suggestibility if used in the long-term.
So let's say you have problems getting into a relationship. The therapist won't help you solve that problem, but will try to convince you that a relationship is not that important in life. Or let's say you're insecure about your physical appearance. A therapist won't improve your physical appearance but will try to convince you that physical appearance doesn't matter. So if you want to learn proper coping strategies, you could visit a therapist, but they won't tell you anything different than what you can find if you search up, "Coping strategies" on Google.
This is regardless of the fact that I don't have issues socializing to begin with. I've never had problems making friends with either men or women, and don't face anxiety issues.
"Treat women like human beings and one of them will be attracted to you."
I treat women exactly the way I treat other men. I don't place them on a pedestal or anything.
Either way, that's not even going to guarantee that you'll get a girlfriend. If you treat a woman that's not attracted to you as a human being, and she likes your personality, your character and who you are as a person, then at most you'll be just a friend. You know how I know this? Because I can easily make friends with women, but not one of them wanted me to take things further.
There can be value in friendship with women, but if all you're seen as is a friend by women when you're a heterosexual male, then it's as if your sexuality is being disregarded and denied.
I've known guys who actually had misogynist views about women and treated them like garbage, yet he still managed to get laid because he's a 6'3" goodlooking white guy.
"Who cares? Having a girlfriend or getting sex is not that important anyways."
Okay, I encourage you to find me a perfect substitute to the kind of attention and affection you get from a romantic relationship.
"Not all girls care about height. Some girls even like short guys."
In my four years of University (a place that has a gender ratio of 60% women to 40% men mind you), I have never met a single girl who has a preference for shorter men. Not even a preference for men who are her height. The only guys I see around walking with girlfriends tend to be 6-8 inches taller than their girlfriend.
Do yourself a favour. Go and talk with, or eavesdrop a group of girls talking about what they like in guys. Do this a couple of times, and you'll almost always see an agreement among all the girls that tall guys are hot. It's just a fact that women like tall guys, this platitude doesn't help me or help any shorter guys out there.
"I'm dating a short guy right now. I'm into short guys."
Okay I believe you for a second. Answer all these questions:
Is he 5'7" or taller?
Did you make him wait a while before you went out with him (he was a friend for a long time)?
Do you believe that he makes up for his height through other attributes?
Do you secretly wish he were taller?
Are you severely overweight?
If yes to the above, would you still be dating him if you lost weight?
Would he still be dating you if he were taller?
Did you used to only date tall guys until you turned 25 or 30 then realized you don't mind short guys?
If you genuinely answered, "No" to all the questions, then congratulations, you're one of the very few women that actually doesn't care about height or maybe prefers shorter men.
Now my question to you is, how realistic do you think it is to find somebody like you? About 35% of men are 5'7" or shorter. Girls that truly don't care about height or don't make it a priority are about 20% of all women, if not less. If all the women who didn't care about dated a short guy, there would still be short guys left over who won't be able to find a girl that doesn't care about their height. Furthermore, not all the girls who don't care about height are dating short guys, so the pool for short guys is even smaller than that.
Yes, there are girls out there that are willing to date short guys, but the chances of finding them is very, very slim.
"You're still young at 20. Wait until you're 30 and a lot of girls will stop being shallow and appreciate al your other qualities. Just get rich in the process and demonstrate you're a stable person with financial stability"
This one is insulting. Basically what you're telling me is that I am supposed to wait for ten years, alone and sexless, while my future wife is banging all the guys that she wants to bang and having the time of her life with an abundance of sex and affection. When she gets tired of that and wants to settle down, then and only then can I get to experience a fraction of what she got to experience.
And it doesn't come for free either. While the guys she fucked around with got her love, sex and affection for free, I had to work my way up and spend a decade trying to get a nice house, a good car, basically all the stuff that signal financial stability. I need all of that to be with her.
And what's worse is that she won't be with me for me, but she'll be with me because of what I am to her; A stable support with financial means to take care of children. The passion she had for the other guys she dated in her youth won't be there, and she'll feel like she settled for someone she wasn't attracted to just because he had money. This type of marriage never ends well.
Why should I wait ten extra years to experience something that fucking 14 year olds get to experience? Explain that to me and maybe I'll believe you.
There are others but they're not in my head at the moment.
