I remember deluding myself into thinking once I started college I’d get a griflfriend. I’m in my second year and I legit haven’t even had a conversation with a female. All my acquaintances do stuff with girls. They’ve actually started noticing that they’ve never seen me with a girl before. I’m always either alone or with other incel tier dudes.
At this point I’m resigned to the fact it’s over. I’ve heard various rumors of girls crushing on some of the fuckboys and normies in my class. A girl hasn’t even looked at me positively yet.
College isn't better than high school (only that it works by passive avoidance and not by active bullying most of the time).
Attended a party and afterwards thought "Fuck it!" - saw a girl the same age and far uglier than me talking about her 15x times of anal sex during a game during a drink game, alcohol is something I just cannot take in, one beer and I am down.
Met a girl with the same condition/interests as me (we were both autistic and had an interest in the same stuff as me) - nothing came out of it. Symptoms of Autism disappear as soon as attractive men enter the room, the cure for Autism seems to be a chad for females - jfl. Tried then to talk to a NT girl and completely failed. Afterwards never again, because everything was cringeworthy and could lead ti serious consequences (claims of harassment/etc.) - I only see it as another obligation I have and not as a place you go to to have fun/get an education/meet people unlike almost everyone else, I only go there because I am forced to do so and learn because I don't want to get trouble with my parents.
Am treated like annoyance by coworkers and as a "free" teacher in the exam phase. Everyone recognizes I am not in the slightest bit normal when they look at my off body language, shitty motoric skills, my shitty way of walking and when I am talking - one even outwardly said that he knew that I was autistic from the start. I have no way of talking to people other than on a professional basis. I often misunderstand questions about private/emotional stuff (like motivation/etc.) for example at application processes. I was sometimes trolled - for example: my team just left on one occasion as I did an evaluation and wasn't paying attention to them due to trying to focus on a detail, a lab partner just left halfway through, didn't say something beforehand and left me with all the cleanup stuff, etc. People don't take me seriously and never listen to the stuff I say - even when it turns out I am right in the end. Even some people who liked me told me that everyone trashtalked about me behind my back - even people I helped previously. High school never ends, it's just better hidden/less obvious.
Worst thing: I don't even want to study/work in that field my parents forced me into university to be like them, I would have done a normal vocational training otherwise. I never head any dreams/ambitions of higher education and spit on it/almost everyone that gets it nowadays tbh, luckily it's free where I live at least. I hate being surrounded by happy NTs with talents/ambitions/healthy human relationships/dreams/etc. At this point I want to do only LDARing.