I was so shy that even the introverts at my lunch table mogged me. I sat at a lunch table with two groups of people. Most of them were nice and outgoing normies, but I was too self-conscious to want to involve myself with the loudness of their social interactions.( Looking back, it wasn't as obnoxious as i was just extremely shy.) I felt I'd be too embarrassed to handle any social exchanges that may be hurled my way. For instance, what if they started asking about my mediocre life or put me on the spot to do something that i was too shy to do... I can't afford to get into trouble or go to any event, we were broke, and my family conditioned me to not ask for any help. For this reason, I stayed with a small group of introverts as the normies left. We would chat about random stuff, pretty bluepilled for the most part like ascending, sometimes we'd even busting each others balls implicitly about our awkwardness until the bell sounded. It like the sound of holy angels descending. Finally, i will not have to be awkwardly alone and purposeless... BUT from time to time, even the socially awkward people had some sort of social obligations where they would skip days at the table. I would find my socially retarded ass sitting there savouring my sloppy joe next minute wondering where'd everyone gone, by that point i deep throat my potato like Asa Akira so could be on my way and not look like a total social reject sitting alone, and especially when my crush was a few tables away. I walked to a pinpointed destination in school, knowing that by the time i reach that point the bell would sound. My logic was that people would not think I was a loner, but rather I was trying to get to a certain place, an event, or to meet up with friends
, who knows, i had bump into friends before.So i cross my fingers. FUNNIEST PART was that I would have hung in the library, but there were too many special needs students hooting around in the library computer lab every recess and lunch watching youtube videos of tobuscus or some other autistic youtuber like nigahiga. I would used to think, "Atleast i am not that weird autists that hangs in the library", but only to realize now that i was too autistic myself to find interest in books, and that i was lower on the social totem pole than the actual the autistic people cause even they had a social circle and dated their autistic match
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