All I do is basically lying in bed with my laptop next to me. And while you can do many things on a computer, I've done them all. Reading, browsing the internet, watching movies/tv/youtube, playing games etc... I'm tired of basically everything you do on a computer.
And I wanted to stop. But ... there's nothing else to do. Nothing that feels worth doing anyway. And I tried to find something, I even asked this a lot. And all I got was answers about stuff I don't give to shits about. And it's not even because of my years of depression and anhedonic, I just genuinely don't want to do stuff like: walking, working out, learning a language, playing music, drawing. I'd basically be forcing myself to do something I really don't want to do. I mean, I could try to force myself, but at a certain point I'd give up since I don't give a shit about that.
The worst part is that I was like this while I had so much free time. Now I'll have to wageslave soon and what will change? I'll still be like this but instead ~9 hours of my day will be robbed by a job, and I'll come home and still have nothing to look forward to, nothing to enjoy or to have fun with. Seriously, I don't see any point in living. Genuinely not one god damn thing, if it weren't for my cat or my parents (as flawed as they are), I'd really just end it not cause of depression or anything but I'm just so bored and uninteresed in anything, I get no pleasure or excitement or fun from anything so offing myself would just be a way to skip decades of hating life. But I'll never do it, I know myself and I'm not the type to try and off myself. Well except that one time but I was super drunk.
And I wanted to stop. But ... there's nothing else to do. Nothing that feels worth doing anyway. And I tried to find something, I even asked this a lot. And all I got was answers about stuff I don't give to shits about. And it's not even because of my years of depression and anhedonic, I just genuinely don't want to do stuff like: walking, working out, learning a language, playing music, drawing. I'd basically be forcing myself to do something I really don't want to do. I mean, I could try to force myself, but at a certain point I'd give up since I don't give a shit about that.
The worst part is that I was like this while I had so much free time. Now I'll have to wageslave soon and what will change? I'll still be like this but instead ~9 hours of my day will be robbed by a job, and I'll come home and still have nothing to look forward to, nothing to enjoy or to have fun with. Seriously, I don't see any point in living. Genuinely not one god damn thing, if it weren't for my cat or my parents (as flawed as they are), I'd really just end it not cause of depression or anything but I'm just so bored and uninteresed in anything, I get no pleasure or excitement or fun from anything so offing myself would just be a way to skip decades of hating life. But I'll never do it, I know myself and I'm not the type to try and off myself. Well except that one time but I was super drunk.
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