everytime i interact with a person my ego gets a little more damaged, i'm physically repulsive, it's pointless to try because the outcome will always be negative for me. i try to be as agreeable as possible & people treat me like a disobedient dog, i assert myself & people become extremely hostile/aggressive. this is even the case with my immediate family, who hopefully by the end of this week i will never have to see/interact with them again. my brain is too damaged though, there's nothing i can do at this point short of winning the lottery that would improve my life in anyway. i cant come back from this. i take solace in knowing the two people primarily responsible for putting me in this situation will never have grandkids. my dad barked at me today for no reason, just to assert his dominance, they never learn from their mistakes. there's no way out of this situation, i wish i had a 12 gauge so i could end my existence in an instant with 0 effort or pain. i deserve at least that.
