Im feeling really bad right now and I have to write this to get it off my chest. Last summer was actually the best time of my life or at least It was very good. I played some of my favourite games then, watched some really cool movies and shows. I also watched streamers that made me feel like I had friends and forget about my world completely. I also had my little cousin over for the whole summer which most would consider a bad thing but I really enjoyed it. She treats me like a human and makes me feel like I have a family since mine is very dysfunctional. In the summer I had no stress and everything felt right, like everything I did back then I was supposed to do. I've been desperately trying to recreate things I did in the summer but it never feels the same. I feel like I have no identity and I don't even know who I am really. When the summer ended thats when I felt the worst I'd ever been. I felt like roping knowing I will never have that again, that summer which was a perfect storm of events to create my ideal happiness. It hurt more and more knowing that I was getting further and further from it. What once was one week ago was now a month ago and and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I've always had a tough time dealing with change but after that It became a lot harder. For example If we had to throw something out that I had during the summer, It would hurt like hell for me knowing a piece of it was gone forever. Anyways next month will be the one year aniversary of when the summer started and If my summer sucks in comparison to last then I'll probably feel how I do now for forever until I inevitably rope.
