i can hear a song from the decade i was a kid in and feel really nostalgic (2000s). the nostalgia is so intense it hurts, to the point where i could get a bit sad, knowing that period will never return for me again. i get tired constantly each day, and i hate going to the gym especially. i go each day to stay in shape but it feels like a chore now to me.
i can't really get into anything new anymore. i just feel so bored now. all i have left to entertain me is reminiscing on my childhood. that was the only really remarkable era of my life (the first 14 years). in my late 20s, i feel like a big part of my life is missing. if i were to even ascend now, and i would have a long path to go, including one of getting used to something as scary as sex (which i don't look forward to sex and have grown to despise it). Adulthood will be exhausting. I don't plan on reproducing, because i fear my kids will have autism, and i don't want them to go through my life. i don't even think i'll have enough money to provide for any kids, adopted or biological.
i'm just exhausted now of life. i don't have much of a social circle after college and no friend of mine really knows many people. i hated how hard dating apps were. it's gonna be really hard meeting people. all the masking as an autist i'd have to do would be exhausting. it'd take too much willpower and blood sweat and tears to even remotely achieve this shit for someone in my circumstances, and even then the chances aren't that high. All that willpower against low odds could ruin my mental health even more unless i'm lucky enough and have success, and my mental health could be worse than right now.
i don't really look forward to anything in life anymore, and honestly, i don't wanna be near women anymore. even the idea of sex makes my skin crawl and all the shit i'd have to do in a relationship with them and all the trust i have to put in for them would be forced. i wish i could restart life as a neurotypical chad.
i can't really get into anything new anymore. i just feel so bored now. all i have left to entertain me is reminiscing on my childhood. that was the only really remarkable era of my life (the first 14 years). in my late 20s, i feel like a big part of my life is missing. if i were to even ascend now, and i would have a long path to go, including one of getting used to something as scary as sex (which i don't look forward to sex and have grown to despise it). Adulthood will be exhausting. I don't plan on reproducing, because i fear my kids will have autism, and i don't want them to go through my life. i don't even think i'll have enough money to provide for any kids, adopted or biological.
i'm just exhausted now of life. i don't have much of a social circle after college and no friend of mine really knows many people. i hated how hard dating apps were. it's gonna be really hard meeting people. all the masking as an autist i'd have to do would be exhausting. it'd take too much willpower and blood sweat and tears to even remotely achieve this shit for someone in my circumstances, and even then the chances aren't that high. All that willpower against low odds could ruin my mental health even more unless i'm lucky enough and have success, and my mental health could be worse than right now.
i don't really look forward to anything in life anymore, and honestly, i don't wanna be near women anymore. even the idea of sex makes my skin crawl and all the shit i'd have to do in a relationship with them and all the trust i have to put in for them would be forced. i wish i could restart life as a neurotypical chad.
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