I tried to leave this site but in last month my life has gotten only worse. I really tried hard to improve myself, reconnected with my friends but going out with them only made me more depressed. They are all high tier normies (which in Eastern Europe equals being a chad) and have girlfriends. I could feel I’m inferior to them.
The worst moment was when we got high and they started talking about all the wild parties they had in high school and middle school. Fucking some drunk whores etc. I was just sitting there wanting to die. I have no pleasant memories like this. My middle school and high school expierence was being depressed and playing video games. When I came home I just lied down and started punching myself out of hatred and disgust. What a fucking joke. There is no way I can be normal now that I heard how much I missed out on.
I studied for my finals a little bit and feel more confident but I still doubt in getting any high scores so I won’t get in any good uni. I don’t know what to do with my life now. Was thinking about going to psychiatrist and asking for benzos to numb the pain and negative thoughts but i would probably become addicted to it.
I also started gymcelling but it only made me realize in how bad shape I am and how subhuman my frame is.
Other than that nothing changed. I painted my room but too lazy to clean it anyway. I just lie on my bed all day watching YouTube and playing mobile games. It’s good to be back at least I have place to vent.
The worst moment was when we got high and they started talking about all the wild parties they had in high school and middle school. Fucking some drunk whores etc. I was just sitting there wanting to die. I have no pleasant memories like this. My middle school and high school expierence was being depressed and playing video games. When I came home I just lied down and started punching myself out of hatred and disgust. What a fucking joke. There is no way I can be normal now that I heard how much I missed out on.
I studied for my finals a little bit and feel more confident but I still doubt in getting any high scores so I won’t get in any good uni. I don’t know what to do with my life now. Was thinking about going to psychiatrist and asking for benzos to numb the pain and negative thoughts but i would probably become addicted to it.
I also started gymcelling but it only made me realize in how bad shape I am and how subhuman my frame is.
Other than that nothing changed. I painted my room but too lazy to clean it anyway. I just lie on my bed all day watching YouTube and playing mobile games. It’s good to be back at least I have place to vent.
