SuicideFuel I'm a fuckin' slob

[bigantennaemay1]

I've really let myself go, and I've been aware of it for some time, now, but holy Jesus. I just tonight realized how far I've gone: my room is a mess. I live with my father, for context, so I only have my one room, but it's gone to shit. I just got startled by a centipede a few minutes ago and missed it, and I went looking for it with a high-beam LED flashlight. The amount of cobwebs and dust I just saw in all the crevices of my room makes me shudder. How did I fall like this?

I never used to have much trouble keeping up with this shit. But it seems to have gotten more difficult. It certainly doesn't help that I have far more belongings now, all crammed into the same amount of space I've always had. Shit makes me claustrophobic. But I've got a TV cart full of video games and movies that are packed in tight and just collects dust (literally; the top row is filled up to maximum, and all my movies on the bottom shelf are packed in against my PS3 so hard they're bending over it), there's tons of dust and cobwebs behind it, there's a fuckton of cobwebs and dust behind my desk, as well, and also my dresser, and under my bed and in the corners of the room that my bed is in. It's been hard to get a vacuum or duster in there since I got that stupid sex doll (and yes, I completely regret it at this point), because it's heavy and hard to move, but I can't get around it to clean. And then in my closet, I've got shit piling up, my ever-growing collection of music CDs and vinyls are piling up, I've got textbooks, file folders, and a DVD/blu-ray player that I have tucked out of the way piled up on the floor of the closet, no doubt providing plenty of dark space for bugs to thrive and reproduce. All the rest of my older video games are piled up on shelves behind that. It's awfully time-consuming to move all that shit out to clean and put it back, to move the sex doll container out from under the bed is time-consuming and strenuous so I can clean under there, and I can't even move the desk or dresser because they're too damn heavy.

But even beyond the stuff that's difficult to move, even the top of my TV, the tops of the ceiling fan blades, the tops of the pictures hanging on my walls, the space between my TV cart and my desk are all accessible, and yet, covered in dust and cobwebs. I live in a room that literally puts haunted houses to shame, I'm claustrophobic because I've got too much shit, and I feel so goddamn ashamed that I've let it come this far. I don't know what to do. The only positive thing I can say is that at least I have room to walk about, nothing is piled higher than waist height in the closet, or higher than the width of two fingers in the room proper, and I don't have jars of, uh, well, you know. Nothing disgusting beyond the dust and cobwebs. So much dust and cobwebs. It turns anything it coats into a flat gray. It could be worse. But it could also be a whole hell of a lot better.

The walls are dusty, too, which I could see for the longest time. But I was never able to figure out how to deal with that; my walls were painted with paint that had sand mixed in, a little too much, I think. So rags, towels, dusters, just sort of get caught and damaged on all the "jaggedness" of the sandpaper paint on my walls, and don't really do much, if any, cleaning. I really can't tell you why the paint was like that. It's like trying to clean velcro with wet paper towel.

Is this a sign I've given up on life?

 

[Schery6]

You spent all that time typing when you could of been cleaning

 

[bigantennaemay1]

You spent all that time typing when you could of been cleaning

You're right. I should plan to do some big spring cleaning thing. But that still doesn't solve what I should do about the difficult or impossible to move stuff.

 

[Schery6]

You're right. I should plan to do some big spring cleaning thing. But that still doesn't solve what I should do about the difficult or impossible to move stuff.

Difficult to move stuff? Like what? Just lift brocel

 

[LORD_KELVIN]

Maybe try just doing a little at a time, if it's just one room you could have it all done in a week easy with maybe a half hour a day. I've had to dig myself out of some pretty gross depression nests, it gets like that

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Maybe try just doing a little at a time, if it's just one room you could have it all done in a week easy with maybe a half hour a day. I've had to dig myself out of some pretty gross depression nests, it gets like that

Yeah, that's probably better. I was just wandering about my room looking around at all the areas that need cleaning, and wondering if I could split them up into groups. Under the bed will definitely have to be its own day; I gotta move my work computer completely out of the way, get the sex doll container out from under there, and angle it in a way to open up room for me to get myself and the vacuum under there. But I think it should work. One of the biggest problems with moving the heavy things and getting the vacuum into places it needs to be is all the damn electrical cords I have running everywhere. I really need to clean these up. I got two running off a Switch I don't use anymore, and have my old charging cable from a defunct flip phone I no longer use trailing off the side of my desk. I don't even know why I still have that.

But sections is a good idea. And maybe if I can break the room up into four sections, I can maintain each once a month, giving me a different thing to clean each week. That might help, too.

 

[LORD_KELVIN]

And maybe if I can break the room up into four sections, I can maintain each once a month, giving me a different thing to clean each week. That might help, too.

That's a good idea. For me it was always a matter of reestablishing the habit and routine of cleaning after a downward spiral. It sucks man, a vicious cycle where depression makes you neglect things then you feel even more worthless for neglecting them. Can be overcome tho bro

 

[bigantennaemay1]

That's a good idea. For me it was always a matter of reestablishing the habit and routine of cleaning after a downward spiral. It sucks man, a vicious cycle where depression makes you neglect things then you feel even more worthless for neglecting them. Can be overcome tho bro

Yeah, and part of the problem is probably that I keep telling myself that I'm doing fine, and I have great control over my depression, and it's not really getting worse, when I'm pretty sure the reality is the opposite. I should address the problem instead of hiding from it, but hiding is so much easier and more welcoming.

I've pulled myself out of depression spirals before, though, so I do know it can be done.

 

[LORD_KELVIN]

Yeah, and part of the problem is probably that I keep telling myself that I'm doing fine, and I have great control over my depression, and it's not really getting worse, when I'm pretty sure the reality is the opposite. I should address the problem instead

Damn don't I identify with this. Yeah it sucks but in the long run hitting it head on is the only way out. That being said, I have definitely hid from mine many times. Hard to muster up the will when you feel like you got nothing

 

[Knajjd]

But sections is a good idea. And maybe if I can break the room up into four sections, I can maintain each once a month, giving me a different thing to clean each week. That might help, too.

I use the same technique for any task. I break it into little pieces and do a bit at a time, sometimes over a few weeks but it gets done. I even break what I thought was a small piece into even smaller pieces and even 10 minutes a day is good as the main task does get done eventually.

 

[bing]

Once you give up brocel everything falls apart

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Hard to muster up the will when you feel like you got nothing

Damn right it is.

I use the same technique for any task. I break it into little pieces and do a bit at a time, sometimes over a few weeks but it gets done. I even break what I thought was a small piece into even smaller pieces and even 10 minutes a day is good as the main task does get done eventually.

Yeah, I'm not in a panic (yet) to get it done, but even if I can chip away at it, I think I'll feel better.

Once you give up brocel everything falls apart

I wish I could give up without everything falling apart.

 

[Fat Link]

Thank you OP.

I just love these kinds of threads.

So damned entertaining to me they are!

Almost nothing better than a good ol comfy NEETcave of filth story than perhaps an outright episode of hoarders.

Guys let me know if you agree with my above assessment or not as if so I may pin this one up for a couple of days and possibly have a chat with @Infinity and the rest of the mod crew boogaloo and see if they’re down and onboard with it eventually making it’s way into the must read section?

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Thank you OP.

I just love these kinds of threads.

So damned entertaining to me they are!

Almost nothing better than a good ol comfy NEETcave of filth story than perhaps an outright episode of hoarders.

Guys let me know if you agree with my above assessment or not as if so I may pin this one up for a couple of days and possibly have a chat with @Infinity and the rest of the mod crew boogaloo and see if they’re down and onboard with it eventually making it’s way into the must read section?