My first post i know it's long but please at least read half of it 
I'm a 27 years old 5'8 ugly ethnic virgin born and living in Germany. My hair turned grey from all the stress and i also started Balding. Oh i also got a 4 inch small dick which is vERy unsettling.
I never held a girls hand. Never hugged or kissed a girl. Never had Sex. I never even saw a girl naked in real life. The only time a girl touched me was the police when i got searched outside because i looked suspicious with my hoodie on.
I got a early dose of the Blackpill when i was 14 and approached a foid with a huge deformed nose in school. Despite a friend at the time constantly telling me how ugly i am, thinking he's joking. She legit looked like a witch but i didn't mind because i cared about her personality.
I was really polite to her, but she felt disgusted and went into her class telling everyone what had happened. I could hear them all laugh and i just wanted to die right there.
Everyday feels like a constant struggle for me. I feel empty walking outside, i just exist and don't live anymore. It feels unreal when i see some girl sitting on her boyfriends lap, like a different world where i'm just invisible and spectate other. Something so normal feels so special to me. I'm also at a point where none of my copes work anymore. Be it video games, sport, netflix or porn. I can just jerk off to hardcore porn now because normal porn don't do it for me anymore. Everytime i see a couple outside or read something sex related online i'm fueled with rage and can't handle it, i need to watch gore videos with people dieing to calm down. My brain is fucked.
I finished school but can't hold a job, because what's the point? I literally have no motivation and no copes left. A good income would just increase my life span and suffering. Statusmaxx is the biggest joke. Even if you somehow statusmaxx and get a girlfriend, she will never truly love you. She will say it to your face that she does, but deep inside never mean it. No girl will ever hug you, saying she loves you and mean it. No girl will ever care how your day went or about your feelings if you are sad homing home.
Everyday when i go to bed i wish that i get a heart attack in my sleep and die. But it just never happens. I still wake up in the next morning with a empty head without life energy. I avoid looking at the mirror when i go to the bathroom, i just break down if i see my face for more than 3 seconds.
Suicide is not an option right now my parents and siblings would be devastated and never recover. They think i'm doing alright because i never show my emotions or talk about it.
This Forum is my only cope left and i hope you will accept me as a new incel brothER.
I'm a 27 years old 5'8 ugly ethnic virgin born and living in Germany. My hair turned grey from all the stress and i also started Balding. Oh i also got a 4 inch small dick which is vERy unsettling.
I never held a girls hand. Never hugged or kissed a girl. Never had Sex. I never even saw a girl naked in real life. The only time a girl touched me was the police when i got searched outside because i looked suspicious with my hoodie on.
I got a early dose of the Blackpill when i was 14 and approached a foid with a huge deformed nose in school. Despite a friend at the time constantly telling me how ugly i am, thinking he's joking. She legit looked like a witch but i didn't mind because i cared about her personality.
I was really polite to her, but she felt disgusted and went into her class telling everyone what had happened. I could hear them all laugh and i just wanted to die right there.
Everyday feels like a constant struggle for me. I feel empty walking outside, i just exist and don't live anymore. It feels unreal when i see some girl sitting on her boyfriends lap, like a different world where i'm just invisible and spectate other. Something so normal feels so special to me. I'm also at a point where none of my copes work anymore. Be it video games, sport, netflix or porn. I can just jerk off to hardcore porn now because normal porn don't do it for me anymore. Everytime i see a couple outside or read something sex related online i'm fueled with rage and can't handle it, i need to watch gore videos with people dieing to calm down. My brain is fucked.
I finished school but can't hold a job, because what's the point? I literally have no motivation and no copes left. A good income would just increase my life span and suffering. Statusmaxx is the biggest joke. Even if you somehow statusmaxx and get a girlfriend, she will never truly love you. She will say it to your face that she does, but deep inside never mean it. No girl will ever hug you, saying she loves you and mean it. No girl will ever care how your day went or about your feelings if you are sad homing home.
Everyday when i go to bed i wish that i get a heart attack in my sleep and die. But it just never happens. I still wake up in the next morning with a empty head without life energy. I avoid looking at the mirror when i go to the bathroom, i just break down if i see my face for more than 3 seconds.
Suicide is not an option right now my parents and siblings would be devastated and never recover. They think i'm doing alright because i never show my emotions or talk about it.
This Forum is my only cope left and i hope you will accept me as a new incel brothER.
