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By that I mean if you're extremely low inhib and ugly and you feel like you have to "rely" on the odd person who can somehow look past all that and just treat you like a normal person AKA the bare fucking minimum, it's basically always been over for you
Im autistic af myself and ugly but not in the regular invisible way but I'm that uncanny freakish type of ugly that actually sticks out and draws negative attention and I find myself constantly on the search for the "rare person" who isn't completely horrified by my looks and who actually talks to me like normal, this isn't even about women this is literally about just anyone, it's a breath of fresh air when someone actually treats me in a way thats different from just the disgust and fear I'm so used to and have come to outright just expect
Whenever I get this outright social rejection I instantly cope with "oh well they're not my people" or "oh well they're boring normies anyway", but think about it, the average normie even the 5/10 ones can get along and make friends and acquaintances with just about anyone, easily, it's not some fucking treasure search for them to find the "right people" who can look past their very visible flaws because they don't exist, they literally just talk to people and people are receptive to them, it's that fucking easy, whereas I get hate and fear for literally just existing
This is just something I've realized when I'm sitting at the gym watching people just make friends with the other people in the gym like it's fucking nothing, and sitting at AA and watching the people there just effortlessly converse, it's fucking torture to just constantly observe this and knowing that this isn't something I'm allowed to be a part of all because of my fucking face and my autism (which I still believe most of which is just me being socially awkward and withdrawn because of people rejecting me socially because of my face)
But yeah how about that, even in a place like AA where we all have something in common nobody wants anything to do with me besides like two people there who just talk to me like a little puppy, that's the most positive social interaction I consistently get, just being spoken to like a fucking downie/child, that's all I know
I'm basically fully checked out of life rn, NEET, alcoholic, spend as much time as possible sleeping as much as I can because I fucking hate being conscious, and just listening to music fantasising about a reality where I literally just have friends and I'm not a complete hermit nobody, not even a gf just somewhere where I'm not a fucking non-person
I'm basically just waiting for the ultimate sign that it's over for me, wether it's actually being called ugly by some random people, or a baby seeing my face and immediately crying, and then im done, I'm gunna officially rope if anything like that happens idc if I'm having a really good week mood wise
Im autistic af myself and ugly but not in the regular invisible way but I'm that uncanny freakish type of ugly that actually sticks out and draws negative attention and I find myself constantly on the search for the "rare person" who isn't completely horrified by my looks and who actually talks to me like normal, this isn't even about women this is literally about just anyone, it's a breath of fresh air when someone actually treats me in a way thats different from just the disgust and fear I'm so used to and have come to outright just expect
Whenever I get this outright social rejection I instantly cope with "oh well they're not my people" or "oh well they're boring normies anyway", but think about it, the average normie even the 5/10 ones can get along and make friends and acquaintances with just about anyone, easily, it's not some fucking treasure search for them to find the "right people" who can look past their very visible flaws because they don't exist, they literally just talk to people and people are receptive to them, it's that fucking easy, whereas I get hate and fear for literally just existing
This is just something I've realized when I'm sitting at the gym watching people just make friends with the other people in the gym like it's fucking nothing, and sitting at AA and watching the people there just effortlessly converse, it's fucking torture to just constantly observe this and knowing that this isn't something I'm allowed to be a part of all because of my fucking face and my autism (which I still believe most of which is just me being socially awkward and withdrawn because of people rejecting me socially because of my face)
But yeah how about that, even in a place like AA where we all have something in common nobody wants anything to do with me besides like two people there who just talk to me like a little puppy, that's the most positive social interaction I consistently get, just being spoken to like a fucking downie/child, that's all I know
I'm basically fully checked out of life rn, NEET, alcoholic, spend as much time as possible sleeping as much as I can because I fucking hate being conscious, and just listening to music fantasising about a reality where I literally just have friends and I'm not a complete hermit nobody, not even a gf just somewhere where I'm not a fucking non-person
I'm basically just waiting for the ultimate sign that it's over for me, wether it's actually being called ugly by some random people, or a baby seeing my face and immediately crying, and then im done, I'm gunna officially rope if anything like that happens idc if I'm having a really good week mood wise
