THE LORE
She is some short Asian girl I knew coming towards the end of school and this story might make me get called a fakecel (which I don't believe I am) and could get me banned from this site but I don't care, will tell it anyway. I always sat next to her in classes but I think she may have liked me back. (or I'm just delusional) The reason I think this is because she always tried talking to me without just needing something from me eg. a pen which I think may be a clear sign a foid likes someone. Always asking If I needed help with my work, asking how my weekend was what my hobbies were etc. But keep In mind I'm autistic and rarely even spoke back to her. And when I did it was always 1 word responses like "yeah" "no" "good" "maybe" I uttered autistically under my breath without making eye contact with her, instead of having the confidence to start a conversation with her. But also I am 5'11, white and a mtn at very very most (my autism cancels all that out btw) and she was only like 4'11-5'1. (I believe me being white and taller was the only real reason she may have liked me tbh). But anyway I still believe I'm an incel due to my bad autism of speaking quiet and sounding retarded, rarely being able to make eye contact unless forced, and hating ever being around others and it being impossible for me to approach someone without them speaking first. But maybe if I just forced myself to speak back to her I could have got at least better and decent with socialising and maybe things could have gone somewhere, or maybe I could never fully mask it and me being autistic would put her off. Guess I will never know. That's what the whole dream was about anyway that I haven't even mentioned yet. But she may not even have liked me at all. She had nobody else to talk to in class maybe she was just bored? Or maybe she was just showing basic kindness to me that us deprived incels believe means a girl must instantly love us, instead of just simply being nice to us and treating us like humans beings or friends since not too ugly/sub5. Still, I don't know.
THE DREAM
Basically I was put in the same situation but I wasn't an autistic retard and things went the way I wanted. I talked back to her, we had a conversation, laughed together and even agreed to walk home together. On the way back she kept brushing my hand with hers which was weird but she eventually held it. We then got back to my house still holding hands, took our shoes off and went up to my room. This wasn't even a sexual dream, just about love. (which is far more important to me, sex is secondary) And when we were up there I asked what made her hold my hand on the way back. She then looks me In my eyes and said to me. "because I love you. Isn't that clear?" I then got super awkward and shy, but then she kissed me and I felt such a rush.
THE END, IT'S OVER
That's where the dream ended. But I was so convinced it was real when dreaming it since it was liek a 4K 120FPS dream. Anyway after waking up from that I realised it wasn't real, started to cry and go get a ton of alcohol which is sitting on my desk currently, waiting until I've typed this clear and sober. The weirdest part of this all is I haven't thought about her for years. completely forgot about her until now. And now more than anything I want to try contacting her again and see if she still remembers me. I will try that in a few weeks but since she is in college now while I rot as a NEET, she has probably got ran through by endless white guys or is currently dating and has completely forgot about me. Still, I will try again soon even if the hope is almost 0. But still I feel like autism is the only 1 thing I have cucking me and holding me back from ever finding love. But I still believe I'm an incel because this is the only one time ever in my fucking life i vividly remember a girl talking to me, without just needing something from me. This had never happened before, and it seems so rare idk if I'd ever get put in that situation again. It feels impossible for me to ever even approach a girl even if I try to mask autism. But a girl starting the talking with me first seems to be so incredibly rare and idk if this would happen again. Anyway, I guess that's it and I hope I'm not banned. Even if she really did like me, it would have never worked, and she would have got put off by my autism or cheated on me with some NT white guy. It's over.
She is some short Asian girl I knew coming towards the end of school and this story might make me get called a fakecel (which I don't believe I am) and could get me banned from this site but I don't care, will tell it anyway. I always sat next to her in classes but I think she may have liked me back. (or I'm just delusional) The reason I think this is because she always tried talking to me without just needing something from me eg. a pen which I think may be a clear sign a foid likes someone. Always asking If I needed help with my work, asking how my weekend was what my hobbies were etc. But keep In mind I'm autistic and rarely even spoke back to her. And when I did it was always 1 word responses like "yeah" "no" "good" "maybe" I uttered autistically under my breath without making eye contact with her, instead of having the confidence to start a conversation with her. But also I am 5'11, white and a mtn at very very most (my autism cancels all that out btw) and she was only like 4'11-5'1. (I believe me being white and taller was the only real reason she may have liked me tbh). But anyway I still believe I'm an incel due to my bad autism of speaking quiet and sounding retarded, rarely being able to make eye contact unless forced, and hating ever being around others and it being impossible for me to approach someone without them speaking first. But maybe if I just forced myself to speak back to her I could have got at least better and decent with socialising and maybe things could have gone somewhere, or maybe I could never fully mask it and me being autistic would put her off. Guess I will never know. That's what the whole dream was about anyway that I haven't even mentioned yet. But she may not even have liked me at all. She had nobody else to talk to in class maybe she was just bored? Or maybe she was just showing basic kindness to me that us deprived incels believe means a girl must instantly love us, instead of just simply being nice to us and treating us like humans beings or friends since not too ugly/sub5. Still, I don't know.
THE DREAM
Basically I was put in the same situation but I wasn't an autistic retard and things went the way I wanted. I talked back to her, we had a conversation, laughed together and even agreed to walk home together. On the way back she kept brushing my hand with hers which was weird but she eventually held it. We then got back to my house still holding hands, took our shoes off and went up to my room. This wasn't even a sexual dream, just about love. (which is far more important to me, sex is secondary) And when we were up there I asked what made her hold my hand on the way back. She then looks me In my eyes and said to me. "because I love you. Isn't that clear?" I then got super awkward and shy, but then she kissed me and I felt such a rush.
THE END, IT'S OVER
That's where the dream ended. But I was so convinced it was real when dreaming it since it was liek a 4K 120FPS dream. Anyway after waking up from that I realised it wasn't real, started to cry and go get a ton of alcohol which is sitting on my desk currently, waiting until I've typed this clear and sober. The weirdest part of this all is I haven't thought about her for years. completely forgot about her until now. And now more than anything I want to try contacting her again and see if she still remembers me. I will try that in a few weeks but since she is in college now while I rot as a NEET, she has probably got ran through by endless white guys or is currently dating and has completely forgot about me. Still, I will try again soon even if the hope is almost 0. But still I feel like autism is the only 1 thing I have cucking me and holding me back from ever finding love. But I still believe I'm an incel because this is the only one time ever in my fucking life i vividly remember a girl talking to me, without just needing something from me. This had never happened before, and it seems so rare idk if I'd ever get put in that situation again. It feels impossible for me to ever even approach a girl even if I try to mask autism. But a girl starting the talking with me first seems to be so incredibly rare and idk if this would happen again. Anyway, I guess that's it and I hope I'm not banned. Even if she really did like me, it would have never worked, and she would have got put off by my autism or cheated on me with some NT white guy. It's over.
