D
I’m sick of life. I wish I could commit suicide but I just don’t have it in me to rope (yet). If I had access to a firearm though, I’d have blown my fucking brains out by now. It’s quicker and maybe even painless if done right.
I’m an awful person. A subhuman, a non-human entity even. Nobody will miss me, my family will probably see my death as a release. They don’t have to keep me then. I’m the useless, failed dreg of the family despite most of my family being attractive and successful. I wish I could cut my face off with a knife and bleed to death on the floor, or get coronavirus and destroy my body from the inside. I hate myself. I just want it all to end.
I hate the way I look in the mirror. I’m all blotchy with spots and redness. It’s visible on cameras so I take no photos of myself. I have high cheekbones but they aren’t noticeable enough to be an attractive trait. My nose bridge isn’t long or thin enough so it makes my nose look all horrible. My jaw isn’t chiseled enough, and my flabby cheeks block what jaw I do have. My chin is not strong enough and I can’t even grow a beard. I’m terrified of my hair falling out, it’s one of my few assets. I’m blonde, but girls see me as ugly (hence why they don’t respond to me, ghost me after they do or just ignore me completely) and I act feminine, probably due to low T. I’m a short, ugly manlet who will never be tall and will get mogged by others who are 6’.
And then there’s my autism. I’m a weird, abnormal autistic freak who says stupid shit or doesn’t say anything at all and looks like the weirdo, quiet, introverted loser. I’m a horrible person, my personality is abysmal, I’ve treated others like fucking dirt and I’ve said shit that I didn’t mean to others and regretted it later.
I lost the genetic lottery and I fail at being a human being. I’m not even human. I’m a subhuman freak show who needs to die.
Life is all just one big miserable struggle where you get mogged by those with superior genetics and there isn’t a single thing you can do about it, and then you die. Alone. Because no woman liked you due to unattractiveness. You get bullied for being inferior, you’re an easy target. Like I was when I was in education.
I was mocked, ridiculed, shamed, laughed at, even physically assaulted one time and I could do nothing about it because I was outnumbered and the person doing it was stronger than me and had a tall friend backing him up. Nobody helped me out. Why would they? I’m a genetic lottery loser. And im a man. I’m supposed to just man up and accept it or fight back and get beaten the shit out of.
I got no help in college and little help outside of college for my mental health. When I was diagnosed with autism, I got given the diagnosis and basically was told to go fuck myself and fend for myself.
My life is a wreck. It won’t get better so just let it end. I want to ask God why he let me suffer, if he exists.
I’m an awful person. A subhuman, a non-human entity even. Nobody will miss me, my family will probably see my death as a release. They don’t have to keep me then. I’m the useless, failed dreg of the family despite most of my family being attractive and successful. I wish I could cut my face off with a knife and bleed to death on the floor, or get coronavirus and destroy my body from the inside. I hate myself. I just want it all to end.
I hate the way I look in the mirror. I’m all blotchy with spots and redness. It’s visible on cameras so I take no photos of myself. I have high cheekbones but they aren’t noticeable enough to be an attractive trait. My nose bridge isn’t long or thin enough so it makes my nose look all horrible. My jaw isn’t chiseled enough, and my flabby cheeks block what jaw I do have. My chin is not strong enough and I can’t even grow a beard. I’m terrified of my hair falling out, it’s one of my few assets. I’m blonde, but girls see me as ugly (hence why they don’t respond to me, ghost me after they do or just ignore me completely) and I act feminine, probably due to low T. I’m a short, ugly manlet who will never be tall and will get mogged by others who are 6’.
And then there’s my autism. I’m a weird, abnormal autistic freak who says stupid shit or doesn’t say anything at all and looks like the weirdo, quiet, introverted loser. I’m a horrible person, my personality is abysmal, I’ve treated others like fucking dirt and I’ve said shit that I didn’t mean to others and regretted it later.
I lost the genetic lottery and I fail at being a human being. I’m not even human. I’m a subhuman freak show who needs to die.
Life is all just one big miserable struggle where you get mogged by those with superior genetics and there isn’t a single thing you can do about it, and then you die. Alone. Because no woman liked you due to unattractiveness. You get bullied for being inferior, you’re an easy target. Like I was when I was in education.
I was mocked, ridiculed, shamed, laughed at, even physically assaulted one time and I could do nothing about it because I was outnumbered and the person doing it was stronger than me and had a tall friend backing him up. Nobody helped me out. Why would they? I’m a genetic lottery loser. And im a man. I’m supposed to just man up and accept it or fight back and get beaten the shit out of.
I got no help in college and little help outside of college for my mental health. When I was diagnosed with autism, I got given the diagnosis and basically was told to go fuck myself and fend for myself.
My life is a wreck. It won’t get better so just let it end. I want to ask God why he let me suffer, if he exists.
