I remember the most suicidal period in my life. I was having a walk in the morning when I came to the supposed realization that God just wanted me to suffer and because God is the most powerful being, then there was nothing I could do to change that and that the only right answer I could do was to kill myself. Still, I refused to die. My mind now is not as negative as that time though. I was severely withdrawing that time because I stopped taking my medication.