Venting I went to my dermatologist today. Now I'm sitting in my room, alone, while pitying myself.

[Curious0]

This is the meanest doctor I've ever seen. Why does he have to tell me that my skin is one of the worst he has ever seen? I have been living with a face full of pimples and acne scars for five years now. Seeing my fucked up skin is so normal to me that I don't even recognize it as a major flaw anymore.
I did not realize how offputting it is to other people. The first thing people notice about me is my acne. This girl sitting in front of me in the waiting room had the clearest facial expression of disgust I have ever seen in my entire life.
I have to accept the fact that I will have noticeable scars for my whole life.
Being truly ugly is so much worse than merely being a lonely guy that's incapable of attracting a woman.
All you normal looking people that claim that hypergamy is responsible for the fact that normal looking men cannot get girlfriends anymore, how can you not be content? Looking into the mirror and feeling sexy or at least good looking certainly must be satisfying. Looking normal or good is what makes a person confident. Financial success and all that other shit won't make a person truly confident. It's about looks. I will never be confident unless I completely stop looking into the mirror, the faces of people when they see me or my phone gallery.

The only thing that comforts me with that realization is that I would also be ugly without acne. If I was good looking without acne, it would be depressing to know that this disease is what causes my suffering. Acne is just the cherry on top of my ugly cake. I'm in the process of accepting my looks, but it also depresses me at the same time.
I feel my motivation to follow my dreams regarding career, relationship to family and general life building fade away whenever I look into the mirror. Why try so hard when I will still be ugly and inferior at the end of the day?

 

[ThereIsYourGod]

is it worse than that?

 

[Brahcel]

So what did the doc do to help? Get accutane. Im getting older and started breakin out again. Wtf. Like im a fuckin teenager again

 

[Curious0]

View attachment 41300
is it worse than that?

Of course man. It's easily four times worse.

So what did the doc do to help? Get accutane. Im getting older and started breakin out again. Wtf. Like im a fuckin teenager again

I'm on month 3 accutane.

I feel you bro

Yesterday was a shit day. Today was so much worse. I have a feeling that it's successively going farther down for me now. It's over. Acne is only one of so many problems I have.

 

[Brahcel]

damn 4x worse? Accutane is good but it makes u depressed and crazy so just LDAR until its over. Do cardio

Sucks being ugly and acne though. But it will get better

 

[Curious0]

damn 4x worse? Accutane is good but it makes u depressed and crazy so just LDAR until its over. Do cardio

Sucks being ugly and acne though. But it will get better

Don't know if it is because of accutane or just because of the realization that my life won't ever be as I imagined it as a child, but today I'm feeling depressed as fuck and today was the first time I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. I'm not considering committing suicide at this point, but I'm thinking about "What if". That's a bad sign.

Yeah it is much worse. I'm actually surprised that people don't stare at me in public.

 

[Brahcel]

Don't know if it is because of accutane or just because of the realization that my life won't ever be as I imagined it as a child, but today I'm feeling depressed as fuck and today was the first time I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. I'm not considering committing suicide at this point, but I'm thinking about "What if". That's a bad sign.

Yeah it is much worse. I'm actually surprised that people don't stare at me in public.

If they don't stare then its good. Just study/work and hobbies until it clears up.

Accutane fucks with your head. You will be suicidal and depressed and aggressive. Make sure u don't do nothing. I was very close to getting in big trouble on it

 

[Curious0]

If they don't stare then its good. Just study/work and hobbies until it clears up.

Accutane fucks with your head. You will be suicidal and depressed and aggressive. Make sure u don't do nothing. I was very close to getting in big trouble on it

When it's cleared up, I will still have my entire face covered in scars, so it's not that motivating to be honest but I'll do my best.
Now that you mention the side effects you experienced, I realize that I experience all of them too, but only since the last two weeks or so. I was on a really small dose (10mg) so it took more time for side effects, not including dryness, to become obvious. I'm now on 20mg by the way.
I feel so aggressive even though I am usually a really calm person. Today I had the urge to beat up people that make bad comments, before I just ignored and forgot it. However, the positive effect of increased aggression is decreased inhibition. I was very high inhibition before, now my inhibition is low as long as I'm in the aggression-mode. When I'm in a calm mood, my inhibition goes up.
I hope accutane induced depression won't fuck up my life too much. The next two years are very important ones for me because I have to make decisions and take risky steps to create a good future for myself.

 

[Brahcel]

When it's cleared up, I will still have my entire face covered in scars, so it's not that motivating to be honest but I'll do my best.
Now that you mention the side effects you experienced, I realize that I experience all of them too, but only since the last two weeks or so. I was on a really small dose (10mg) so it took more time for side effects, not including dryness, to become obvious. I'm now on 20mg by the way.
I feel so aggressive even though I am usually a really calm person. Today I had the urge to beat up people that make bad comments, before I just ignored and forgot it. However, the positive effect of increased aggression is decreased inhibition. I was very high inhibition before, now my inhibition is low as long as I'm in the aggression-mode. When I'm in a calm mood, my inhibition goes up.
I hope accutane induced depression won't fuck up my life too much. The next two years are very important ones for me because I have to make decisions and take risky steps to create a good future for myself.

accutane should be good in the long term...but u only do it for 5 months I think. or 6. go to acne forums

I think there is stuff for scars now. If they can make a chad into a woman.....Im sure there are solutions

 

[Curious0]

accutane should be good in the long term...but u only do it for 5 months I think. or 6. go to acne forums

I think there is stuff for scars now. If they can make a chad into a woman.....Im sure there are solutions

I have to take it for 18 months.
Yes there are solutions that will make them less obvious, but I cannot afford it.