I went to AA and it made me feel even more alone

[the_only_ugly_YWG]

So I drink because it gives me a brief distraction from being autistic and ugly as fuck with absolutely no friends and absolutely no life, no job, no aspirations, no fucking nothing, I scare the shit out of people everywhere I go because I have tourettes on top of already being naturally bizarre looking, so I'm used to getting horrified looks from people even tho it never hurts any less, I also have severe OCD which makes me extremely hyper perceptive to peoples uncomfortable body language around me and the way they interact with others versus me, it's basically just fucking torture

I went to AA and all of the people there had fucking jobs and partners and friends and shit, I was the only there who has fucking nothing, no reason to stop drinking, those people had a reason to become sober, they had friends and partners and shit, they were completely average everyday folk aside from the alcoholism, I was the only one there with genuine physical and neurological issues, I'm not saying it's impossible to enjoy life sober with all of my issues I've just mentioned but it's definitely not gunna be as easy as someone with a fucking wife and a decent social support network, I basically have nothing except for people who pity me because of how autistic I am


And I'm hyper aware of the fact people pity me because of my autism which you've guessed it, makes me want to drink more, and every time I go outside I just get fucking stared at by everyone, which immediately makes me want to just get drunk so I can at least temporarily not be angry and upset about it anymore, I just don't think it's possible for someone like me to be sober, I would just end going ER or something, I already lashed out at someone last month for staring at me and almost got myself beat the fuck up, it cost my my phone and my backpack FFS, the anger about the stares and just being autistic and making everyone around me uneasy is it just whittling away at me to the point where literally all I need is just a big reason reason to rope, wether it's me getting called ugly in the street, some foid from my gym reporting me, it could be anything really

I'm at the point where drinking is actually physically starting to fuck my body up and I'm trying to reduce but it's not fucking working and I just keep getting drunk as fuck every time, idk wtf to do man, do I just roll the dice and fucking reincarnate at this point?

 

[Just say NIGGER!]

What's AA

 

[Animecel2D]

I think this calls for another drink

 

[AnApparentMyth]

What is AA, tho?

 

[Animecel2D]

What's AA

Alcoholics anonymous

 

[Just say NIGGER!]

Alcoholics anonymous

Is that where we talk about how much we love coming home drunk to a starving wife and kids?

 

[Animecel2D]

Is that where we talk about how much we love coming home drunk to a starving wife and kids?

yes

 

[ToBurble&Pine]

Just drink and post here no need to go outside

 

[Only_Perspective]

Same, I realized most people try to stay sober because they have a reason to stay sober, family, friends, a partner, etc.
If you have nothing there is literally no reason to stop.

Reading stories about crippling alcoholics and how much it irreparably damaged their bodies, helped me to reduce the amount a bit, but still is quite hard to quit.

 

[BornToLose]

I go sometimes and have experienced what you speak of. If you live in a city, try other groups because some can have more relatable people than others.

 

[Fire]

View: https://youtube.com/watch?v=SwqPYUXtAa0

 

[coping_manlet]

drinking is a great hobby for trucels. No friends or family to love, no real responsibilities. It’s just a good way to kill time

 

[Deep.Nest]

I've been once. They mostly talked about god so I didn't go back

 

[Pancakecel]

Yeah I made that mistake once, i had nothing in common with the normfags there, they all had healthy social lives, relationships etc.

Didn't help that i got the usual glares/ looks normfags give me when i go outside, as I got there, even before the shitty meeting had began.

Ultimately I just stopped drinking everyday cause I was sick of feeling hungover and crap all the time, and it was expensive. I don't need a muh higher power to tell me that jfl.

This site is the only place that helps me, there's nowhere else for subhumans.

 

[the_only_ugly_YWG]

Yeah I made that mistake once, i had nothing in common with the normfags there, they all had healthy social lives, relationships etc.

Didn't help that i got the usual glares/ looks normfags give me when i go outside, as I got there, even before the shitty meeting had began.

Ultimately I just stopped drinking everyday cause I was sick of feeling hungover and crap all the time, and it was expensive. I don't need a muh higher power to tell me that jfl.

This site is the only place that helps me, there's nowhere else for subhumans.

How do you deal with the glares and stares whilst sober? It fucking hurts me so much, my problem is I also have severe OCD on top of facially looking weird as fuck so any stares and shitty treatment I get just replays in my head over and over until I just absolutely NEED something to numb me, I just feel too much, I feel emotions very strong and intensely so the feeling I get when I see how disgusted people are with me is akin to a normies getting rejected by his crush

 

[curryboy420]

I feel you man I smoke weed instead and I'm actually looking forward to dying at this point I know it will suck really bad but fuck man I have nothing else now

I fucked my life up I should have just gone to school and work and been good

 

[Corvus]

I feel you man I smoke weed instead and I'm actually looking forward to dying at this point I know it will suck really bad but fuck man I have nothing else now

I fucked my life up I should have just gone to school and work and been good

Dying is painful but I imagine its worth it.

At my age I cant even smoke weed without getting heart problems

 

[j10009504]

spent a lot of time in AA. You are right, it is taken over by normies just like any other social event. It's just like everything else, a bunch of useless suggestions from people who are not like you and don't get it and never will.

Most of the 12 steps are a cope as well. A bad cope at that. If you can't believe in a "loving God" then there is no point to it.

 

[decapitation]

Just drink and post here no need to go outside

 

[Anthrofurrcel]

Brutal

 

[Pancakecel]

How do you deal with the glares and stares whilst sober? It fucking hurts me so much, my problem is I also have severe OCD on top of facially looking weird as fuck so any stares and shitty treatment I get just replays in my head over and over until I just absolutely NEED something to numb me, I just feel too much, I feel emotions very strong and intensely so the feeling I get when I see how disgusted people are with me is akin to a normies getting rejected by his crush

I don't know how to deal with it tbh, and yeah, i also do that thing of replaying stuff in my head over and over. I take Kratom most evenings, and my antidepressant makes me sleepy. Those two things help a bit i guess. I sometimes talk to AI about my shit, and other users here who's experiences are similar. That can also make me feel a little better.

 

[BornToLose]

I actually shared at a meeting yesterday. That shit can help.

 

[bathlete]

wrote out a long reply to this as it was most personally relatable but i got overly self-conscious. surely you feel the telepathic requiting affirmations and savior, brocel

i don’t drink but i really related to this