Finally.
To clarify, i never threw tantrums as a kid and i just stayed there crying silently while they scolded me. Later i can tell the story when i ragequitted to my dad for the first time a year ago.
Today i had an appointment with a neuropsychologist (they aren't giving me any therapy/advice/gaslighting, they are just studying me trough tests to see where i'm standing in the autism spectrum among other things). It was at 12:00 pm so it required me to wake up at 10 am to get dressed, take the bus, etc. It means a sacrifice because i usually wake up at 2 pm
, but it's ok because after i return to my house i can just ldar all day.I have been sick these last few days and i have barely recovered. Runny nose, joint pain and moderate fever that comes and goes. Last night was the worst, couldn't sleep from the fever and ended up having a weird ass dream before waking up.
The alarm went off. My eyelids felt so heavy and my whole body was aching. I struggled for 15 minutes to open my eyes and decided that i wasn't going so i took my cellphone and dragged myself downstairs and i called my mom handing her the cellphone with the psychologist number for her to call, i didn't had credit in my cellphone (incel trait lmao).
I was standing there trying to show in my face how i was feeling like dying and she shrugged it off saying that "You know, you are going to a place with lots of doctors, they'll tell you what to take". AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
so i dragged myself upstairs again getting dressed as fast as i could despite the pain, but i was already getting late. I took a big piece of kind of expensive cloth that i use as blanket or scarf because the material gives a comfortable thermal equilibrium, and wrapped it around my neck and mouth because it was windy outside and if I took a breath of that my tonsils would be wrecked AGAIN.I went downstairs again feeling more awake and i was taking my stuff to finally go out when mom saw how i was wrapped in fabric and approached me insisting that i should wear a surgical mask/facemask instead. I told her that no, it was cold outside and i wasn't taking any chances. But she insisted that a facemask was enough to keep warm the air that i was breathing. NO, IT'S NOT, it's a thin piece of shit that let's all of the air in. Probably she thought that people would stare or make fun of me for going out so covered but fuck that, just the first breath and my tonsils would immediately get swollen, i wasn't taking any chances.
She insisted and i just started feeling the anger boiling inside me. She said that if i didn't wanted to go i just shouldn't, that it was my choice.
My choice, my fucking choice? Like the one that i took minutes ago and she just shrugged it off? After i had to keep myself in one piece after a sleeples night to dress myself because she insisted in me going to my appointment? I opened my eyes as wide as possible and stared at her face with utter rage. She stuttered "D-don't, don't get angry at me..." She immediately looked really concerned.
She kept telling me that it was ok if i just stayed at home and that i should go and lay down on bed in her bedroom, so i started walking backwards staring at her with the gaze of a mad man. I was sitting on the bed when she said "Just relax in here" and i couldn't take it anymore. I started screaming or more like growling.
She then looked about to cry and told me that i was scaring her. It was a really liberating sensation and took a big weight off my chest.
So, i finally lied down on her bed and she started praying to her god Jehovah and rubbed my wrists and forehead with a homeopathic remedy and left.
I stayed there for a few minutes completely paralyzed in disbelief that i got pushed over the edge. Then i went to my room, lurked .co and closed my eyes. I slept until 3:30 pm.
