Venting I think im used to gettin laughed at in public now

[Deleted member 22572]

Between the age of 13-15 i would cry so often due to people making fun of my appearence and the fucked up situation in which someone making fun of you for being ugly isn't seen as a problem by anyone, no one even virtue signals about this kinda stuff. No one could help me cuz they either didn't care, thought it was funny and enjoyed me being bullied or didn't think it was a real problem for me. I was trapped.

Well now I'm completely numb. I haven't had tears out of my eyes since. Only like twice n that's it. I feel physically depressed and heavy and tired as hell still but in terms of visible emotions like crying I'm completely numb now.


And I guess this is what has happened with people laughing at me in the street now. Normally whenever it would happen (70% of the time I went outside I'd say) I would have no energy for the rest of the day or feel rage and then that energy ends up going nowhere so I'm forced to LDAR for the rest of my shit day.

Today tho, two normies in a shop pointed and sniggered at me and I literally felt nothing. Not angry not sad. Absolutely nothing. So I guess my subconsciousness or whatever is used to it now. I don't know how to explain it but on the outside I feel like I'm supposed to feel angry or sad but on the inside I'm completely fucking empty. Dunno if this is a good thing or bad thing or it just means nothing.

Guess I'm just used to this now and one I will be void of every single one of my emotional reactions to ugly male oppression. All my emotions are being stolen from me by normies.

 

[randomcel92]

Yeah the same thing happened to me. Once I accepted that I’m just an ugly freak of nature that no one will ever want or love, life got easier. Acceptance is key.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

Yeah the same thing happened to me. Once I accepted that I’m just an ugly freak of nature that no one will ever want or love, life got easier. Acceptance is key.

I've accepted it conciously but I guess I haven't accepted it subconsciously yet. Once all these emotional reactions of mine have faded then I probs will have.

 

[Tenshi]

that's brutal, were they kids?

this is very uncommon among adults. Not that they won't find you ugly or anything, but it's pretty unethical to do so. Not the kind of behavior you'd expect from an adult.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

that's brutal, were they kids?

this is very uncommon among adults. Not that they won't find you ugly or anything, but it's pretty unethical to do so. Not the kind of behavior you'd expect from an adult.

It actually happens more with adults than kids.

Most of the time it's young adults in their 20s or 30s.

And then other than that it's mostly teenagers and then very rarely children or boomers will point me out.

 

[Tenshi]

It actually happens more with adults than kids.

Most of the time it's young adults in their 20s or 30s.

And then other than that it's mostly teenagers and then very rarely children or boomers will point me out.

damn that's messed up.

are you sure they're pointing you out? I'm saying cuz I'm a pretty anxious person myself and sometimes my mind would trick me into think people are noticing or judging me. I mean, usually people this age are so self-centered they're barely notice other people. Like we'll have blur on our faces tbh

 

[Deleted member 22572]

damn that's messed up.

are you sure they're pointing you out? I'm saying cuz I'm a pretty anxious person myself and sometimes my mind would trick me into think people are noticing or judging me. I mean, usually people this age are so self-centered they're barely notice other people. Like we'll have blur on our faces tbh

I get what Ur saying about the anxiousness thing. Hearing ppl laughing makes me nervous cuz I b thinking it's likely to be about me for understandable reasons

There will be situations where I'm not 100% it's me they're laughing at and those moments don't affect me.

Other than that it will either be blatantly obvious or I'm 90% sure they're laughing at me, and whether they really are laughing at me, it happens anyway.

 

[Idotms]

 

[Deleted member 22572]

Init

 

[Tenshi]

I get what Ur saying about the anxiousness thing. Hearing ppl laughing makes me nervous cuz I b thinking it's likely to be about me for understandable reasons

There will be situations where I'm not 100% it's me they're laughing at and those moments don't affect me.

Other than that it will either be blatantly obvious or I'm 90% sure they're laughing at me, and whether they really are laughing at me, it happens anyway.

ikr I used to be like this as well. Try to work this thing out, you can definitely improve. Nowadays even if they're actually laughing at me it wouldn't bother me in the least.

 

[Deleted member 22999]

I’m not numb tbh it still pisses me off a lot when that happens (Not usually pointing but giggling happens a lot)