K
And no, it's not the rope; well not after what happened the last time I tried that...
As of late, I did a lot of research on the most effective ways to end yourself. At first i thought overdose, but the success rate isn't great. Gun is clean and would be ideal but - considering my country's legislation - difficult to get your hands on, plus the time I tried one year ago, I failed the psychology test (it was quite clear that I intended to procure a gun only for committing suicide).
So then I thought: why not just stop putting fuel in the machine? I already am at a point of near starvation every day (for the last 3 weeks or so, since the exam session has begun), so why not?
Ignoring hunger isn't difficult, especially with mediation - and the peculiar hypothalamic condition I suffer. Problem most people have is that with starvation you also lose the ability to feel thirst, and death by dehydration is very painful indeed. (Terminal dehydration implies immense cephalic pain that without pain suppressors is highly unlikely I will be able to go trough and not give up)
I've read peer reviewed articles on suicide claiming that as long you stay hydrated starvation is absolutely painless - especially in the later days. As your body becomes more and more energy deficient, fatigue becomes ever more prevalent and in the end your nevrax or your myocardium just fails.
I might take some anorectic drugs with me to help, and lock myself in my room - in the apartament in which I already live alone.
I have a secure location and a method, all that remains is basically the most important question: when? I have no intention of telling anybody - in real life - and as nobody really suspects my plans, the moment I will have started this, it will be too late. I doubt I'll bother with a short note, as I'm fearful people will take that as fishing for sympathy, which I really hate. I just want to go with what little dignity I have left. However, my philosophical treatise that I have been working for months is where I shall explain the why and - probably - how I shall end myself. I only need to finish that.
At this very moment it is not a question of if, but of when...
As of late, I did a lot of research on the most effective ways to end yourself. At first i thought overdose, but the success rate isn't great. Gun is clean and would be ideal but - considering my country's legislation - difficult to get your hands on, plus the time I tried one year ago, I failed the psychology test (it was quite clear that I intended to procure a gun only for committing suicide).
So then I thought: why not just stop putting fuel in the machine? I already am at a point of near starvation every day (for the last 3 weeks or so, since the exam session has begun), so why not?
Ignoring hunger isn't difficult, especially with mediation - and the peculiar hypothalamic condition I suffer. Problem most people have is that with starvation you also lose the ability to feel thirst, and death by dehydration is very painful indeed. (Terminal dehydration implies immense cephalic pain that without pain suppressors is highly unlikely I will be able to go trough and not give up)
I've read peer reviewed articles on suicide claiming that as long you stay hydrated starvation is absolutely painless - especially in the later days. As your body becomes more and more energy deficient, fatigue becomes ever more prevalent and in the end your nevrax or your myocardium just fails.
I might take some anorectic drugs with me to help, and lock myself in my room - in the apartament in which I already live alone.
I have a secure location and a method, all that remains is basically the most important question: when? I have no intention of telling anybody - in real life - and as nobody really suspects my plans, the moment I will have started this, it will be too late. I doubt I'll bother with a short note, as I'm fearful people will take that as fishing for sympathy, which I really hate. I just want to go with what little dignity I have left. However, my philosophical treatise that I have been working for months is where I shall explain the why and - probably - how I shall end myself. I only need to finish that.
At this very moment it is not a question of if, but of when...
