Brutal I still get those feels from time to time

[svgmn1]

I just can't sleep right now because my mind and memory keep bringing up moments in which I was bullied by students and teachers alike all the way back to middle or elementary school and how most of my peers are now making it in life because I was at a high grade school, the whole experience was frankly traumatizing that I still dream about going to secondary education exams or being inferior to my peers in secondary school to this day.

I believe I lost it very early guys, the high school years I spent, I swear I tried to be cooler but the last years of my secondary education, maybe all high school years I was literally sitting alone, no one wanted to sit near me not even fugly truecel people like me, I rarely thought about it but that is really fucked up like, no one can be this horrible to be scrutinized and casted out like this, chad and normie existence ruined me since I was a kid.

what the fuck happened? I don't know what happened or how it happened but it happened.

I imagine going back in time in my current physical and mental state just to compete with those kids I think that's how far of a setback I was and still am.


best way to describe how bad it is goes like this: imagine a ranked vidya in which you are a noob who joined very lately to an old game filled with veterans and you constantly get shat on and you're not improving or maybe just slightly but never catching up, your only way is to waste more time with this game even though you know you'll never catch up, or think about using hax which isn't a possibility since this game has a godly anticheat system but you still think about the possibility.

what if you went back in time in your current physical and mental abilities, what could you do? will you do better? what if your parents were smarter people and injected roids in you as soon as you were a teenager to turn you into a labrat jock as early as 15 yo because they realized you're a failure and not going to make it anyways? that's the part that irritates me more than thinking about the bullying part because it's just a highly unrealistic possibility, it shows how fucking petty I am, matter of fact I still am, I am 28 yo and I'm still talking about this shit so there's no doubt that I am petty and sore as shit can be, I am still holding grudges until I die. I am one spiteful, envious and a hateful pettyass motherfucker.

 

[svgmn1]

@laanda thoughts?

 

[Xul]

Thats a cool analogy bro, a lot can change in a day. I doubt you will care this much forever. For reasons good or bad.

 

[svgmn1]

Thats a cool analogy bro, a lot can change in a day. I doubt you will care this much forever. For reasons good or bad.

bro that's been my whole life
people say "oh you know what you will grow and forget or care less" I frankly don't I mean I still remember every horrible detail and bum times I lived throughout my life from elementary and the problem is you just keep adding more horrible details to these memories so the thoughts of my horrible college days are slowly creeping into my life as well and later it's post grad and work life and it's never going to stop and I will never be able to not care or forget anything.

 

[Xul]

Mannn shit was recently like that for me to and im 29 so this is the only reason i say it. After enough nihilism and life getting real in bad ways i just quit caring about most stuff. i wouldnt call it growing. just not giving a fuck. I dont work though. Still have bad days, especially at night but there are less now.

 

[svgmn1]

Mannn shit was recently like that for me to and im 29 so this is the only reason i say it. After enough nihilism and life getting real in bad ways i just quit caring about most stuff. i wouldnt call it growing. just not giving a fuck. I dont work though. Still have bad days, especially at night but there are less now.

yeah it's not just growing up what I meant is generalized phrasing or thinking that time will pass and muddy things, you said you stopped caring really congrats brother because that's some horrible shit to deal with or think about but I am not seeing myself moving past anything.

 

[Xul]

yeah it's not just growing up what I meant is generalized phrasing or thinking that time will pass and muddy things, you said you stopped caring really congrats brother because that's some horrible shit to deal with or think about but I am not seeing myself moving past anything.

Its not time passing its events that happen that change your view on life. I cant promise anything obviously but from personal experience youd be surprised how different you can start thinking waking up 1 day. I have done quite a bit of drugs to tho

 

[Xul]

I just can't sleep right now because my mind and memory keep bringing up moments in which I was bullied by students and teachers alike all the way back to middle or elementary school and how most of my peers are now making it in life because I was at a high grade school, the whole experience was frankly traumatizing that I still dream about going to secondary education exams or being inferior to my peers in secondary school to this day.

I believe I lost it very early guys, the high school years I spent, I swear I tried to be cooler but the last years of my secondary education, maybe all high school years I was literally sitting alone, no one wanted to sit near me not even fugly truecel people like me, I rarely thought about it but that is really fucked up like, no one can be this horrible to be scrutinized and casted out like this, chad and normie existence ruined me since I was a kid.

what the fuck happened? I don't know what happened or how it happened but it happened.

I imagine going back in time in my current physical and mental state just to compete with those kids I think that's how far of a setback I was and still am.


best way to describe how bad it is goes like this: imagine a ranked vidya in which you are a noob who joined very lately to an old game filled with veterans and you constantly get shat on and you're not improving or maybe just slightly but never catching up, your only way is to waste more time with this game even though you know you'll never catch up, or think about using hax which isn't a possibility since this game has a godly anticheat system but you still think about the possibility.

what if you went back in time in your current physical and mental abilities, what could you do? will you do better? what if your parents were smarter people and injected roids in you as soon as you were a teenager to turn you into a labrat jock as early as 15 yo because they realized you're a failure and not going to make it anyways? that's the part that irritates me more than thinking about the bullying part because it's just a highly unrealistic possibility, it shows how fucking petty I am, matter of fact I still am, I am 28 yo and I'm still talking about this shit so there's no doubt that I am petty and sore as shit can be, I am still holding grudges until I die. I am one spiteful, envious and a hateful pettyass motherfucker.

To answer your questions now i also thought of if i could go back in my current state and do way better, cool to see somebody else pondering the same shit. Actually i dont really think it means your petty, you just have ptsd.

 

[svgmn1]

youd be surprised how different you can start thinking waking up 1 day. I have done quite a bit of drugs to tho

Feels like it already been a lot, I'm trying to see when that day will come, I'm waiting on that day now.

 

[Xul]

Feels like it already been a lot, I'm trying to see when that day will come, I'm waiting on that day now.

It has been, sorry to insinuate that it may not have been. We sound similiar, i hope you have some days at peace brother. You arent only spiteful and hateful and all that horseshit, you were bullied and have trauma, you aint bad either way dude.

 

[laanda]

Thats a cool analogy bro, a lot can change in a day. I doubt you will care this much forever. For reasons good or bad.

i am 27, i still think about this shit, school is the only time people are forced to be around you they or you don't get a choice, often to shit consequences. it is an artificial social environment. even the most bullied kid is in it. if there are few or no people in your life after you leave, humans are social and will think about the last social web, even though it was not a 'social life'. thinking about school is a very common complaint here, you will think about it for decades while they all move on to more 'life'. when i was working and now i am not, i have had no social web since school. if you study you can be isolated, if you work they can avoid all but the professional, and depending on the work, often avoid all. it might be better, i don't get bullied at 27, but you are still lingering in that web.

 

[laanda]

there is a study posted here sometimes that bullying has as large or larger an affect than abuse and ofcourse, this means more likely to think about it.

 

[svgmn1]

I even sometimes forget how old I am, I'm born in 1998 so I'm 27 as well so that makes two of us

i am 27, i still think about this shit, school is the only time people are forced to be around you they or you don't get a choice, often to shit consequences.

maybe all high school years I was literally sitting alone, no one wanted to sit near me not even fugly truecel people like me

we had these in school but even larger that it could take three students even, I was sitting on one by myself, and I wasn't even a backseater my desk was in the middle and even though school is an environment that forces one to interact with the most I was left like that.
that alone is a wild thing to think about like those kids were fucking evil I mean besides the physical bullying that was the most twisted thing I could remember it's like psychological warfare, it even seems now that it's more twisted than the physical bullying that was done because casting someone out at this age is some nasty motherfucking shit.

to think I tried to better myself or my image for those kids when I was a kid makes me even more angry. I was foolish as shit

 

[laanda]

I even sometimes forget how old I am, I'm born in 1998 so I'm 27 as well so that makes two of us


View attachment 1474129

we had these in school but even larger that it could take three students even, I was sitting on one by myself, and I wasn't even a backseater my desk was in the middle and even though school is an environment that forces one to interact with the most I was left like that.
that alone is a wild thing to think about like those kids were fucking evil I mean that was the most twisted thing I could remember it's like psychological warfare, it hit harder than the bullying that was done because isolating and casting out is some nasty motherfucking shit.

to think I tried to better myself or my image for those kids when I was a kid makes me even more angry. I was foolish as shit

makes me grateful my school had anime setup where everyone was separate desk i can imagine looking around the class seeing guys and girls casually touching, getting conciously excluded where they chose to run from you. reminds me of sitting alone at lunch.

sorry if make you sad brocel, i often find myself spiralling threads into depressing territory

 

[svgmn1]

makes me grateful my school had anime setup where everyone was separate desk i can imagine looking around the class seeing guys and girls casually touching, getting conciously excluded where they chose to do it

sorry if make you sad brocel, i often find myself spiralling threads into depressing territory with replies such as this one

ykw there weren't even females to compete over, it's a shithole muslim sandland so it's seperate schools for boys and girls.

I wouldn't like to imagine what would've been done to me as a teenager in secondary school if foids were involved with normies and chads acting 100% on the chimp hormone, I would probably be fucking massacred or nailed on cross or burnt like the motherfucking whore of arc

 

[laanda]

ykw there weren't even females to compete over, it's a shithole muslim sandland so it's seperate schools for boys and girls.

I wouldn't like to imagine what would've been done to me if foids were involved, I would be fucking massacred or nailed on cross or burnt like the motherfucking whore of arc

it happened in my school sometimes (both gender school). i remember in a class called graphics they would flirt by touching eachothers stationary while me and the bottom of the ladder future cels sat with nothing to say to one another

 

[svgmn1]

it happened in my school sometimes (both gender school). i remember in a class called graphics they would flirt by touching eachothers stationary while me and the bottom of the ladder future cels sat with nothing to say to one another

I remember those teenagers were already boasting about having gfs even in this early age in an islamic shithole I always refused to believe this deep inside and one time I even coped by pretending like I am chatting with a foid (in which I was horribly bullied and ridiculed for)
until I saw these motherfucking kids posting their pictures with teen foid hugging and shit.
you can't stop this cuckold experience from knocking on your door, life forces you to watch other people become successful and have partners while you sit and watch the shit unfold knowing you can't get the same experience, as if you're sitting on a motherfucking hotel cuck chair.

 

[Xul]

i am 27, i still think about this shit, school is the only time people are forced to be around you they or you don't get a choice, often to shit consequences. it is an artificial social environment. even the most bullied kid is in it. if there are few or no people in your life after you leave, humans are social and will think about the last social web, even though it was not a 'social life'. thinking about school is a very common complaint here, you will think about it for decades while they all move on to more 'life'. when i was working and now i am not, i have had no social web since school. if you study you can be isolated, if you work they can avoid all but the professional, and depending on the work, often avoid all. it might be better, i don't get bullied at 27, but you are still lingering in that web.

I also have no social web or friends since being bullied all of school. School is fucked. Im just saying its possible for that pain to numb to some extent. Im still human so thoughts can catch me, but you can push that shit down to not every day lingering thoughts. I think realizing those people are nothing more than dead fish caught in the wave of society helps. Most of them arent necessarily better off in life.

I also avoid everything non professional, it used to bother me until it didnt. Not everyone will have the same experience i know, but it is possible to stop giving a shit about the human mass.

 

[ROBOCOCK]

what if you went back in time in your current physical and mental abilities, what could you do? will you do better? what if your parents were smarter people and injected roids in you as soon as you were a teenager to turn you into a labrat jock as early as 15 yo because they realized you're a failure and not going to make it anyways?

honestly I’d just blackpill myself earlier, I used to go on looksfags in my late teens when I thought I’d still have a chance but nothing helped me get above LTN unless I started surgerymaxxing. I wish I had embraced the blackpill sooner instead of wasting so much time kicking a dead horse

 

[svgmn1]

honestly I’d just blackpill myself earlier, I used to go on looksfags in my late teens when I thought I’d still have a chance but nothing helped me get above LTN unless I started surgerymaxxing. I wish I had embraced the blackpill sooner instead of wasting so much time kicking a dead horse

Going back with the same mental and physical state you have right now including all the knowledge you gained in your teen body is what I meant.
besides going in on crypto I would roid myself at teenhood even if it means cutting my lifespan in half, I double on the no looxmaxxing because it is futile for my genetics.

 

[blackpillednigga]

relatable. my past experience with bullying is the main reason that caused me to join this forum