My older brother was always a dick to me growing up and is in part why I have such low self esteem, but another reason I've grown to resent him is because he is superior to me in nearly every way.
He is taller than me (5'11), he has a more attractive face, he has better hair, and on top of that, he has no problem socializing and flirting with women. He has hooked up with numerous girls in the past, all of whom were attractive, thin, and white, and has had a girlfriend before who really loved him (also attractive, thin, and white). Despite him being ND like me, he has no issues making close friends and flirting with women. He struggled with it when he was a very young kid, but that seems to have gone away. People take him seriously and many people have respect for him, something which I've never really experienced at any point in my life.
When we were both young, we actually had the same IQ of 119, but recently we had testing done and his IQ increased a few points and mine decreased a few points. He went to a higher ranked college than me and graduated with good grades while I dropped out of my university and am now stuck in community college. He was never bullied in high school either, a little bit when he was in elementary school but again that didn't last long. He didn't go to his senior prom due to it being canceled by COVID, but he actually had a very hot date he was planning to go with. So when he asks girls out, there is actually a possibility he might succeed (which it has numerous times) but when I ask a girl out, she always either rejects me, gets very clearly uncomfortable, or sometimes downright laughs at me.
Every time I see him, he is a brutal reminder of how pathetic and subhuman I am. He's even rubbed the fact that I'm an incel in my face before because he enjoys it when others feel inferior to him. I'm quite a bit of a cunt now, but for most of my life I've been a much better person than him. All of my relatives and my parents' friends knew and would privately comment on how I was always much kinder and more well behaved than he was, yet HE is the one who gets to experience life's greatest luxuries and actually has the potential for a decent future while I rot alone every single day of my life.
I remember one time he had his girlfriend over and they were snuggled up on the couch and started making out right in front of me. Later in the middle of the night, I was walking to the kitchen and I passed by his room and I heard them both giggling so I thought they were probably having sex.
The next day after she left,
my brother confirmed my hunch when he told me that the two of them stayed up all night FUCKING EACH OTHER!!
THE STUPID BASTARD STRAIGHT UP TOLD ME!!!
I can't fucking do this anymore
He is taller than me (5'11), he has a more attractive face, he has better hair, and on top of that, he has no problem socializing and flirting with women. He has hooked up with numerous girls in the past, all of whom were attractive, thin, and white, and has had a girlfriend before who really loved him (also attractive, thin, and white). Despite him being ND like me, he has no issues making close friends and flirting with women. He struggled with it when he was a very young kid, but that seems to have gone away. People take him seriously and many people have respect for him, something which I've never really experienced at any point in my life.
When we were both young, we actually had the same IQ of 119, but recently we had testing done and his IQ increased a few points and mine decreased a few points. He went to a higher ranked college than me and graduated with good grades while I dropped out of my university and am now stuck in community college. He was never bullied in high school either, a little bit when he was in elementary school but again that didn't last long. He didn't go to his senior prom due to it being canceled by COVID, but he actually had a very hot date he was planning to go with. So when he asks girls out, there is actually a possibility he might succeed (which it has numerous times) but when I ask a girl out, she always either rejects me, gets very clearly uncomfortable, or sometimes downright laughs at me.
Every time I see him, he is a brutal reminder of how pathetic and subhuman I am. He's even rubbed the fact that I'm an incel in my face before because he enjoys it when others feel inferior to him. I'm quite a bit of a cunt now, but for most of my life I've been a much better person than him. All of my relatives and my parents' friends knew and would privately comment on how I was always much kinder and more well behaved than he was, yet HE is the one who gets to experience life's greatest luxuries and actually has the potential for a decent future while I rot alone every single day of my life.
I remember one time he had his girlfriend over and they were snuggled up on the couch and started making out right in front of me. Later in the middle of the night, I was walking to the kitchen and I passed by his room and I heard them both giggling so I thought they were probably having sex.
The next day after she left,
my brother confirmed my hunch when he told me that the two of them stayed up all night FUCKING EACH OTHER!!
THE STUPID BASTARD STRAIGHT UP TOLD ME!!!
I can't fucking do this anymore
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