It’ll hit me out of nowhere. If I’m riding the waves of cope into the gym, or maybe I’m just going about my day at work. I can remember it word for word, the condescending pity. You know that one exchange summarizes how you are perceived in general. At 5’6 we were the same height. I literally got a sad emoji and a ‘good luck though’.
I didn’t reply because what’s the point, this person likely forgot I exist 30 seconds after calling me out for straying from my lane. But I’ll think about it every day, it kind of makes everything I do seem pointless. Like no matter how impressive it might be, it’s all just over compensation and distraction from the reality of it all.
I screenshotted the message, and I hold onto it as a kind of reminder of what the black pill looks like beyond the data and theory. Just an unanswered open wound, seeping and worsening every passing day.
I used to fantasise and daydream about an exciting life. Now I fantasize about having so much money nobody ever has to see me and I can stay indoors indefinitely.
Above all else I hate that I was never told the truth and we are not given any meaningful way out. Cosmetic surgery is withheld rather than encouraged, whilst we are expected to carry the guilt and shame of being ‘bad people’.
I didn’t reply because what’s the point, this person likely forgot I exist 30 seconds after calling me out for straying from my lane. But I’ll think about it every day, it kind of makes everything I do seem pointless. Like no matter how impressive it might be, it’s all just over compensation and distraction from the reality of it all.
I screenshotted the message, and I hold onto it as a kind of reminder of what the black pill looks like beyond the data and theory. Just an unanswered open wound, seeping and worsening every passing day.
I used to fantasise and daydream about an exciting life. Now I fantasize about having so much money nobody ever has to see me and I can stay indoors indefinitely.
Above all else I hate that I was never told the truth and we are not given any meaningful way out. Cosmetic surgery is withheld rather than encouraged, whilst we are expected to carry the guilt and shame of being ‘bad people’.
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