Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate

Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.

SuicideFuel I refused to see a childhood friend years ago that REALLY wanted to see me after years apart... found out he got killed, + another thing.

  • Thread starter SlutLiberationFront
  • Start date
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

██████████████████████████████████████████████████
★★★★★
Joined
May 6, 2021
Posts
11,665
Online
45d 10h 14m
I had so many memories with this dude and all the people in the "hood". All the fooball days, the mornings at the bakery eating stuff, late night talks at a sweet stuff store that was right by my house, and of course, the funniest memory of him one night when we were preparing a balloon and he almost set me on fire accidentally. It was fucking scary and terrifying at the time, but looking back it was a kinda funny shit. I arrived home with a lot of hair missing and no eyebrows, and of course you can imagine my parents' reaction, but everythin ended well, he was a long-time friend of everyone there. Dude was super funny with loose screws but always a very fun person to have around. He was WWAAAAY older than me and the other kids, as everyone there were friends ranging from all ages that mostly gathered for special days of football, barbecues, night talks, small talks for hours... we even named ourself Route Team, and we did many cool stuff such as balloons, custom kites with our names and the team name on it... time went on and we drifted apart and lost contact as I had to move in 2007. A few years ago, my mom told me she found him randomly again and he immediately asked for me, I told her that my mental state was far too degraded to talk to anyone and I wouldn't like to see my childhood friends seeing what I was at the time and still am today, physically depleted by years of mental illness and heavy, uncontrollable depression. I refused all the hundreds of times she asked me to talk to him, but I really really wanted to talk to him and reminisce about the good times we had years ago.

Well... fast forwards a while later I find out he got killed, executed. He was not involved in crime, drugs, or anything. I keep thinking about it all the time and it keeps stinging me. I should have talked to him. All I have now are extremely faint memories of him and the fun times at the field that was literally the center of the neighborhood where everyone would gather. I should have talked to him... I should have... I lost the only opportunity to talk to someone I had good memories with, but I refused because of what kind of impression I would cause on him given my mental and physical condition due to illness and depression. What would I tell him? That I was suicidal? That was sinking in a bottomless pit of depression? That I have nowhere to go at life? i didn't want to disappoint him. I thought he would have the idea that the quiet, yet still talkative kid when I was comfortable was still the same person, still the "genius" they all thought I was... but I was not, and thus refused, for fear of worrying him about my state, and that he would get sad seeing what I've become.

Now I have to live with these thoughts... only of the only few people from my early life that was still alive and I could have contacted, is dead. And he is not the only one. A good friend of my family and also a childhood friend that my mother almost considered a third son and an excellent person also got killed in 2014. He was here in our house all the time, having some coffee with us, gaming with my brother and I, just spending some good time talking and having fun, soda, pizza... he was like a much older brother, had a job and all, but he was still like a fun kid and pretty cool to be around and never looked down on me even though I am sub human. Unfortunately his life came to an abrupt ending in the middle of an argument with his family, where his father grabbed a gun an killed him right in the living room. I am still devastated by these losses to this day and always think about them. And can't stop thinking about all the other friends I lost somehow, to cartel life or just plain disappeared because they got involved in crime. I still remember one of my best friends that lived a couple blocks from me, he had epilepsy and died, drowned in a pool when he was swimming and had a seizure in a very unfortunate event. His brother was still growing up, almost abandoned by the parents, and I never knew what became of him, never heard of him again.

Now I got a new opportunity, a very special person from my childhood who was a mega expert at making custom gigantic kites that were bigger than me talked to my brother and asked for me all the time, reminiscing about the good times, and he asked a million times to see me, even his wife that also remembers me still as a kid. But I am afraid of seeing them and making them sad for what I've become. I don't want people to see what I am now, the pure state of a body that I am... just a body, no soul, no life. All they knew me as is gone. I don't want to disappoint them and shock them seeing what I am. What will they think? They will ask me what happened for me to turn out this way. They now a part, that is my father's death, but that is still not even 1% of all that happened. I don't want to tell them that I have no direction in life, that I am completely hopeless, aimless in this world, no prospects, projects, no idea or intelligence that could take me anywhere and give me an actual life. I don't want to tell them that I never have success at anything I tried, that my brain has rotten away to the point I can't understand social norms, cues, hints, anything, rotten to the point that I talk in a way that is pretty much whispering and one word answers or just nodding my head. I don't want to disappoint them. He is a dude that built his life hard and early, hard working dude that did everything he could to have his roof, his car, food, his family... he remembers the good times, all the laughs we had, but today for me there is anything but laughs... maybe if I see something funny for a few seconds, but I came to a point where nothing in life makes me laugh unless it's completely random. They will talk about the good times and I'm afraid I will break down in tears talking about all my problems that can't be fixed because they are in my head and body and I will ruin the mood. God damn I have so many memories with this dude and the crazy stuff he used to do, his old classic custom car, his loud, yet funny voice and jokes... I don't know what to do, I don't want to disappoint someone that gave me so many memories and remembers me as something good just to see my as the complete opposite now that is anything but a happy kid, dreaming in life. I am not what I was when I was there growing up. I am lifeless now. I don't want to ruin his memories of me, of an abnormal, yet quite around-all-the-time kid to see his crazy experiments in person such as the gigantic kites and hot air balloon projects. I can't even feel human at this point, I can't even see people as humans anymore. I look at someone and sometimes wonder what are they. Am I in the wrong reality? How would somoene react seeing me now so skinny and depleted physically (I was always naturally skinny, but some characteristics in my body now are blatant evident from very strong depression).
What they will tell me? That I am intelligent, smart? Capable of things? That I am strong? Evidently, I am not. If I was, I wouldn't be in this state now, I would have done something with my life and gone somewhere with it, with an objective, a dream, and I will say what? The only thing I will say is what I always say, the reality that I am inherently dumb, lost 2 years failing grades, gave up on school, can't comprehend basic logic, socialization, anything useful in this life and that would take me somewhere. What would be their reaction? Obviously get pissed off because they will refuse to admit that the person who was considered the genius of the region is nothing but a brainless idiot with nothing in his life except a computer to explore the world in some way and talk to people through a screen. Of course they will ask about girls and stuff, and what the fuck will I say? Blackpill them? That's fucking retarded. Imagine saying that I am THIS fucking age and didn't achieve anything apart from being a failure at anything I've ever tried, especially girls. It's shameful, disgraceful, I don't even think the know what an incel is.

I don't want to ruin the happy memories and thoughts of a friend I am still fond of to this day, 14 years later and I still think about every day, with an unfortunate present and aimless, prospectless future of someone who is just a chamber, a faint image of the person who I once was when I was around there. Someone that resembles anything but what a person should be. i have no success story to tell, nothing funny, nothing entertaining... nothing good, only disgraceful things and how miserable my whole life turned to be and how I can't get out of this.
I don't want to ruin and worry someone that still remembers me so much time later as someone who was everything I am not at this point in life.
 
Last edited:
Deleted member 36421

Deleted member 36421

Self-banned
-
Joined
Aug 26, 2021
Posts
277
Online
11d 2h 18m
I'm sorry bro, that sounds tough to deal with :feelsbadman:
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

██████████████████████████████████████████████████
★★★★★
Joined
May 6, 2021
Posts
11,665
Online
45d 10h 14m
AnilBashir said:
I'm sorry bro, that sounds tough to deal with :feelsbadman:
My life is such a fucking joke and unconventional that it sounds completely unreal to most people here. I still can't believe that I have to live this.
 
ballistictesticles

ballistictesticles

My eyes.
★★★
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Posts
702
Online
16d 18h 24m
Sorry to hear about that. I have a few close friends that I've known since childhood, but due to my mental health, I kept my distance from them because I'd hate for them to see me in this state.
 
Copexodius Maximus

Copexodius Maximus

Supreme Incel Commander in Chief
★★★★★
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Posts
20,577
Online
78d 19h 35m
SlutLiberationFront said:
I had so many memories with this dude and all the people in the "hood". All the fooball days, the mornings at the bakery eating stuff, late night talks at a sweet stuff store that was right by my house, and of course, the funniest memory of him one night when we were preparing a balloon and he almost set me on fire accidentally. It was fucking scary and terrifying at the time, but looking back it was a kinda funny shit. I arrived home with a lot of hair missing and no eyebrows, and of course you can imagine my parents' reaction, but everythin ended well, he was a long-time friend of everyone there. Dude was super funny with loose screws but always a very fun person to have around. He was WWAAAAY older than me and the other kids, as everyone there were friends ranging from all ages that mostly gathered for special days of football, barbecues, night talks, small talks for hours... we even named ourself Route Team, and we did many cool stuff such as balloons, custom kites with our names and the team name on it... time went on and we drifted apart and lost contact as I had to move in 2007. A few years ago, my mom told me she found him randomly again and he immediately asked for me, I told her that my mental state was far too degraded to talk to anyone and I wouldn't like to see my childhood friends seeing what I was at the time and still am today, physically depleted by years of mental illness and heavy, uncontrollable depression. I refused all the hundreds of times she asked me to talk to him, but I really really wanted to talk to him and reminisce about the good times we had years ago.

Well... fast forwards a while later I find out he got killed, executed. He was not involved in crime, drugs, or anything. I keep thinking about it all the time and it keeps stinging me. I should have talked to him. All I have now are extremely faint memories of him and the fun times at the field that was literally the center of the neighborhood where everyone would gather. I should have talked to him... I should have... I lost the only opportunity to talk to someone I had good memories with, but I refused because of what kind of impression I would cause on him given my mental and physical condition due to illness and depression. What would I tell him? That I was suicidal? That was sinking in a bottomless pit of depression? That I have nowhere to go at life? i didn't want to disappoint him. I thought he would have the idea that the quiet, yet still talkative kid when I was comfortable was still the same person, still the "genius" they all thought I was... but I was not, and thus refused, for fear of worrying him about my state, and that he would get sad seeing what I've become.

Now I have to live with these thoughts... only of the only few people from my early life that was still alive and I could have contacted, is dead. And he is not the only one. A good friend of my family and also a childhood friend that my mother almost considered a third son and an excellent person also got killed in 2014. He was here in our house all the time, having some coffee with us, gaming with my brother and I, just spending some good time talking and having fun, soda, pizza... he was like a much older brother, had a job and all, but he was still like a fun kid and pretty cool to be around and never looked down on me even though I am sub human. Unfortunately his life came to an abrupt ending in the middle of an argument with his family, where his father grabbed a gun an killed him right in the living room. I am still devastated by these losses to this day and always think about them. And can't stop thinking about all the other friends I lost somehow, to cartel life or just plain disappeared because they got involved in crime. I still remember one of my best friends that lived a couple blocks from me, he had epilepsy and died, drowned in a pool when he was swimming and had a seizure in a very unfortunate event. His brother was still growing up, almost abandoned by the parents, and I never knew what became of him, never heard of him again.

Now I got a new opportunity, a very special person from my childhood who was a mega expert at making custom gigantic kites that were bigger than me talked to my brother and asked for me all the time, reminiscing about the good times, and he asked a million times to see me, even his wife that also remembers me still as a kid. But I am afraid of seeing them and making them sad for what I've become. I don't want people to see what I am now, the pure state of a body that I am... just a body, no soul, no life. All they knew me as is gone. I don't want to disappoint them and shock them seeing what I am. What will they think? They will ask me what happened for me to turn out this way. They now a part, that is my father's death, but that is still not even 1% of all that happened. I don't want to tell them that I have no direction in life, that I am completely hopeless, aimless in this world, no prospects, projects, no idea or intelligence that could take me anywhere and give me an actual life. I don't want to tell them that I never have success at anything I tried, that my brain has rotten away to the point I can't understand social norms, cues, hints, anything, rotten to the point that I talk in a way that is pretty much whispering and one word answers or just nodding my head. I don't want to disappoint them. He is a dude that built his life hard and early, hard working dude that did everything he could to have his roof, his car, food, his family... he remembers the good times, all the laughs we had, but today for me there is anything but laughs... maybe if I see something funny for a few seconds, but I came to a point where nothing in life makes me laugh unless it's completely random. They will talk about the good times and I'm afraid I will break down in tears talking about all my problems that can't be fixed because they are in my head and body and I will ruin the mood. God damn I have so many memories with this dude and the crazy stuff he used to do, his old classic custom car, his loud, yet funny voice and jokes... I don't know what to do, I don't want to disappoint someone that gave me so many memories and remembers me as something good just to see my as the complete opposite now that is anything but a happy kid, dreaming in life. I am not what I was when I was there growing up. I am lifeless now. I don't want to ruin his memories of me, of an abnormal, yet quite around-all-the-time kid to see his crazy experiments in person such as the gigantic kites and hot air balloon projects. I can't even feel human at this point, I can't even see people as humans anymore. I look at someone and sometimes wonder what are they. Am I in the wrong reality? How would somoene react seeing me now so skinny and depleted physically (I was always naturally skinny, but some characteristics in my body now are blatant evident from very strong depression).
What they will tell me? That I am intelligent, smart? Capable of things? That I am strong? Evidently, I am not. If I was, I wouldn't be in this state now, I would have done something with my life and gone somewhere with it, with an objective, a dream, and I will say what? The only thing I will say is what I always say, the reality that I am inherently dumb, lost 2 years failing grades, gave up on school, can't comprehend basic logic, socialization, anything useful in this life and that would take me somewhere. What would be their reaction? Obviously get pissed off because they will refuse to admit that the person who was considered the genius of the region is nothing but a brainless idiot with nothing in his life except a computer to explore the world in some way and talk to people through a screen. Of course they will ask about girls and stuff, and what the fuck will I say? Blackpill them? That's fucking retarded. Imagine saying that I am THIS fucking age and didn't achieve anything apart from being a failure at anything I've ever tried, especially girls. It's shameful, disgraceful, I don't even think the know what an incel is.

I don't want to ruin the happy memories and thoughts of a friend I am still fond of to this day, 14 years later and I still think about every day, with an unfortunate present and aimless, prospectless future of someone who is just a chamber, a faint image of the person who I once was when I was around there. Someone that resembles anything but what a person should be. i have no success story to tell, nothing funny, nothing entertaining... nothing good, only disgraceful things and how miserable my whole life turned to be and how I can't get out of this.
I don't want to ruin and worry someone that still remembers me so much time later as someone who was everything I am not at this point in life.
You should have just talked to him. Now you’ll never see him again for the rest of eternity, and the only proof of his existence you have now is in your memories. If someone wants to meet you, you should have done it for not only their sake, but yours as well. But now it’s too late, and he died never getting to even see or try to help his friend that kept calling all the time to be able to talk to. He was ignored by his childhood friend and now it’s over for him forever.
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

██████████████████████████████████████████████████
★★★★★
Joined
May 6, 2021
Posts
11,665
Online
45d 10h 14m
ballistictesticles said:
Sorry to hear about that. I have a few close friends that I've known since childhood, but due to my mental health, I kept my distance from them because I'd hate for them to see me in this state.
I keep distance from some because of that reason and for the reason that I would get envious of them for having what I don't have, doing what I have never done and achieving what I never will. It would be pure envy. They got somewhere and I'm stuck at the same place for 14 years.
Copexodius Maximus said:
You should have just talked to him. Now you’ll never see him again for the rest of eternity, and the only proof of his existence you have now is in your memories. If someone wants to meet you, you should have done it for not only their sake, but yours as well. But now it’s too late, and he died never getting to even see or try to help his friend that kept calling all the time to be able to talk to. He was ignored by his childhood friend and now it’s over for him forever.
I'm breaking down, man. Very heavy words. It just keeps stinging me endlessly every day for years. I regret not seeing him so much, and I can't go back in time.
 
Mentally lost cel

Mentally lost cel

Overlord
★★★★★
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Posts
7,036
Online
35d 38m
SlutLiberationFront said:
I had so many memories with this dude and all the people in the "hood". All the fooball days, the mornings at the bakery eating stuff, late night talks at a sweet stuff store that was right by my house, and of course, the funniest memory of him one night when we were preparing a balloon and he almost set me on fire accidentally. It was fucking scary and terrifying at the time, but looking back it was a kinda funny shit. I arrived home with a lot of hair missing and no eyebrows, and of course you can imagine my parents' reaction, but everythin ended well, he was a long-time friend of everyone there. Dude was super funny with loose screws but always a very fun person to have around. He was WWAAAAY older than me and the other kids, as everyone there were friends ranging from all ages that mostly gathered for special days of football, barbecues, night talks, small talks for hours... we even named ourself Route Team, and we did many cool stuff such as balloons, custom kites with our names and the team name on it... time went on and we drifted apart and lost contact as I had to move in 2007. A few years ago, my mom told me she found him randomly again and he immediately asked for me, I told her that my mental state was far too degraded to talk to anyone and I wouldn't like to see my childhood friends seeing what I was at the time and still am today, physically depleted by years of mental illness and heavy, uncontrollable depression. I refused all the hundreds of times she asked me to talk to him, but I really really wanted to talk to him and reminisce about the good times we had years ago.

Well... fast forwards a while later I find out he got killed, executed. He was not involved in crime, drugs, or anything. I keep thinking about it all the time and it keeps stinging me. I should have talked to him. All I have now are extremely faint memories of him and the fun times at the field that was literally the center of the neighborhood where everyone would gather. I should have talked to him... I should have... I lost the only opportunity to talk to someone I had good memories with, but I refused because of what kind of impression I would cause on him given my mental and physical condition due to illness and depression. What would I tell him? That I was suicidal? That was sinking in a bottomless pit of depression? That I have nowhere to go at life? i didn't want to disappoint him. I thought he would have the idea that the quiet, yet still talkative kid when I was comfortable was still the same person, still the "genius" they all thought I was... but I was not, and thus refused, for fear of worrying him about my state, and that he would get sad seeing what I've become.

Now I have to live with these thoughts... only of the only few people from my early life that was still alive and I could have contacted, is dead. And he is not the only one. A good friend of my family and also a childhood friend that my mother almost considered a third son and an excellent person also got killed in 2014. He was here in our house all the time, having some coffee with us, gaming with my brother and I, just spending some good time talking and having fun, soda, pizza... he was like a much older brother, had a job and all, but he was still like a fun kid and pretty cool to be around and never looked down on me even though I am sub human. Unfortunately his life came to an abrupt ending in the middle of an argument with his family, where his father grabbed a gun an killed him right in the living room. I am still devastated by these losses to this day and always think about them. And can't stop thinking about all the other friends I lost somehow, to cartel life or just plain disappeared because they got involved in crime. I still remember one of my best friends that lived a couple blocks from me, he had epilepsy and died, drowned in a pool when he was swimming and had a seizure in a very unfortunate event. His brother was still growing up, almost abandoned by the parents, and I never knew what became of him, never heard of him again.

Now I got a new opportunity, a very special person from my childhood who was a mega expert at making custom gigantic kites that were bigger than me talked to my brother and asked for me all the time, reminiscing about the good times, and he asked a million times to see me, even his wife that also remembers me still as a kid. But I am afraid of seeing them and making them sad for what I've become. I don't want people to see what I am now, the pure state of a body that I am... just a body, no soul, no life. All they knew me as is gone. I don't want to disappoint them and shock them seeing what I am. What will they think? They will ask me what happened for me to turn out this way. They now a part, that is my father's death, but that is still not even 1% of all that happened. I don't want to tell them that I have no direction in life, that I am completely hopeless, aimless in this world, no prospects, projects, no idea or intelligence that could take me anywhere and give me an actual life. I don't want to tell them that I never have success at anything I tried, that my brain has rotten away to the point I can't understand social norms, cues, hints, anything, rotten to the point that I talk in a way that is pretty much whispering and one word answers or just nodding my head. I don't want to disappoint them. He is a dude that built his life hard and early, hard working dude that did everything he could to have his roof, his car, food, his family... he remembers the good times, all the laughs we had, but today for me there is anything but laughs... maybe if I see something funny for a few seconds, but I came to a point where nothing in life makes me laugh unless it's completely random. They will talk about the good times and I'm afraid I will break down in tears talking about all my problems that can't be fixed because they are in my head and body and I will ruin the mood. God damn I have so many memories with this dude and the crazy stuff he used to do, his old classic custom car, his loud, yet funny voice and jokes... I don't know what to do, I don't want to disappoint someone that gave me so many memories and remembers me as something good just to see my as the complete opposite now that is anything but a happy kid, dreaming in life. I am not what I was when I was there growing up. I am lifeless now. I don't want to ruin his memories of me, of an abnormal, yet quite around-all-the-time kid to see his crazy experiments in person such as the gigantic kites and hot air balloon projects. I can't even feel human at this point, I can't even see people as humans anymore. I look at someone and sometimes wonder what are they. Am I in the wrong reality? How would somoene react seeing me now so skinny and depleted physically (I was always naturally skinny, but some characteristics in my body now are blatant evident from very strong depression).
What they will tell me? That I am intelligent, smart? Capable of things? That I am strong? Evidently, I am not. If I was, I wouldn't be in this state now, I would have done something with my life and gone somewhere with it, with an objective, a dream, and I will say what? The only thing I will say is what I always say, the reality that I am inherently dumb, lost 2 years failing grades, gave up on school, can't comprehend basic logic, socialization, anything useful in this life and that would take me somewhere. What would be their reaction? Obviously get pissed off because they will refuse to admit that the person who was considered the genius of the region is nothing but a brainless idiot with nothing in his life except a computer to explore the world in some way and talk to people through a screen. Of course they will ask about girls and stuff, and what the fuck will I say? Blackpill them? That's fucking retarded. Imagine saying that I am THIS fucking age and didn't achieve anything apart from being a failure at anything I've ever tried, especially girls. It's shameful, disgraceful, I don't even think the know what an incel is.

I don't want to ruin the happy memories and thoughts of a friend I am still fond of to this day, 14 years later and I still think about every day, with an unfortunate present and aimless, prospectless future of someone who is just a chamber, a faint image of the person who I once was when I was around there. Someone that resembles anything but what a person should be. i have no success story to tell, nothing funny, nothing entertaining... nothing good, only disgraceful things and how miserable my whole life turned to be and how I can't get out of this.
I don't want to ruin and worry someone that still remembers me so much time later as someone who was everything I am not at this point in life.
I feel you and very relatable , not relatable that someone actually wants to meet me:(
 
highinhibition

highinhibition

Banned
-
Joined
Jul 2, 2021
Posts
5,237
Online
46d 5h 21m
normies wont understand the craving for affection while also being scared of it
 
L

Lebensmüder

Proud failed male, proud PUA-Hater
★★
Joined
Aug 21, 2018
Posts
5,189
Online
183d 4h 7m
Izayacel

Izayacel

V L O V "
★★★★★
Joined
May 5, 2018
Posts
9,150
Online
30d 14h 52m
You still have an Ego

YES

you still want to Appeal to Others and Not Accept that , what you Always where or have become.
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

██████████████████████████████████████████████████
★★★★★
Joined
May 6, 2021
Posts
11,665
Online
45d 10h 14m
Izayacel said:
You still have an Ego

YES

you still want to Appeal to Others and Not Accept that , what you Always where or have become.
Like I said at the end, I didn't want to disappoint people that remembered me in good faith rather than bullying target like many others. They would never recognise me. None of them would ever imagine I would imagine I would end up as what I am now, maybe without success with girls, but not uncontrollably depressed, suicidal and having absolutely no direction or prospect in life, that spent half of his life away rotting in his room.
 
lord

lord

My ban shall come
★★★
Joined
Sep 4, 2021
Posts
1,234
Online
16d 8h 30m
Sorry for asking, but are you 100% sure he wasnt involved in crime/drugs ?
I had some friends back in the days that are fucked, and you never would guess that this was their future.
Last year a guy from my HS have called me, wanted to talk but i just send some one word messages and after the talk, i just ghosted him, thats life man, nothing really matters, the blame, the shame, the feelings...
All from your head.
I will say something, may hurt or not, but its the truth, its doesnt matter if you talked with him or not, it wouldnt save his life, he must have dozens of other friends that he was talking daily and he would never remember about you if he didnt see your mother, it doesnt really matters at all because its all from your head, now he is gone and you will have to move on, time will take its toll.
 
SlutLiberationFront

SlutLiberationFront

██████████████████████████████████████████████████
★★★★★
Joined
May 6, 2021
Posts
11,665
Online
45d 10h 14m
lord said:
Sorry for asking, but are you 100% sure he wasnt involved in crime/drugs ?
I had some friends back in the days that are fucked, and you never would guess that this was their future.
Last year a guy from my HS have called me, wanted to talk but i just send some one word messages and after the talk, i just ghosted him, thats life man, nothing really matters, the blame, the shame, the feelings...
All from your head.
I will say something, may hurt or not, but its the truth, its doesnt matter if you talked with him or not, it wouldnt save his life, he must have dozens of other friends that he was talking daily and he would never remember about you if he didnt see your mother, it doesnt really matters at all because its all from your head, now he is gone and you will have to move on, time will take its toll.
He got a girlfriend, her ex was mad and killed him in front of her in their house with at least 12 gunshots.
 
Deleted member 36421

Deleted member 36421

Self-banned
-
Joined
Aug 26, 2021
Posts
277
Online
11d 2h 18m
Copexodius Maximus said:
You should have just talked to him. Now you’ll never see him again for the rest of eternity, and the only proof of his existence you have now is in your memories. If someone wants to meet you, you should have done it for not only their sake, but yours as well. But now it’s too late, and he died never getting to even see or try to help his friend that kept calling all the time to be able to talk to. He was ignored by his childhood friend and now it’s over for him forever.
no need to rub it in, he already feels bad about it
 
Mecoja

Mecoja

fuck society
★★★★★
Joined
Aug 28, 2020
Posts
11,200
Online
128d 8h 10m
I can relate very much, im sorry for you, im sorry for all of us. Many people around me died my family members and all i have now are regrets, also dont have the energy to hang out with my cousins with whom i grew up with and of course eventually the talking about girls would come up and i woulnt know what to say to that.
 
cvury

cvury

Bright Future
★★★★★
Joined
Sep 11, 2021
Posts
1,954
Online
18d 15h 42m
Reminds me of this summer I got in contact with an old childhood friend, man I used to have a decent amount of friends, I used to look back at my early middle school years with anger but now I miss them. Moving schools was the worst thing to ever happen to me. He asked to take me out on his boat and I said yes, we barely talked. I thought it would be just like old times but it was all so awkward. I’m devastated, I still can’t stop thinking about it even though it was months ago.
 
Mecoja

Mecoja

fuck society
★★★★★
Joined
Aug 28, 2020
Posts
11,200
Online
128d 8h 10m
Im so sick and tired of this life, if i had a gun i would bite the bullet and buy myself a ticket to hell.
I like how you write, your narration is beautiful.
 
Last edited:
suigin

suigin

schizoidcel
★★
Joined
Feb 24, 2019
Posts
2,636
Online
56d 2h 33m
Escthectrler

Escthectrler

Veteran
★★★★
Joined
Mar 12, 2021
Posts
1,302
Online
28d 2h 7m
FlyFace

FlyFace

Memento Mori
★★
Joined
May 3, 2018
Posts
4,605
Online
29d 1h 48m
My life is similar but instead of wearing my emotions I keep them locked away where nobody can see them. Nobody ever cared about my emotional or mental health. Now I refuse to let anyone ever get close enough to me to figure out what kind of person I am. It would cause too many problems.
cvury said:
Reminds me of this summer I got in contact with an old childhood friend, man I used to have a decent amount of friends, I used to look back at my early middle school years with anger but now I miss them. Moving schools was the worst thing to ever happen to me. He asked to take me out on his boat and I said yes, we barely talked. I thought it would be just like old times but it was all so awkward. I’m devastated, I still can’t stop thinking about it even though it was months ago.
That'll be with you forever. All my failures are so fresh even though they are 10 or more years ago. Every failure. Every mistake. All here with me.
highinhibition said:
normies wont understand the craving for affection while also being scared of it
I've been abused so much I see no value in affection. I only exist to be a social chameleon. Always being what people want me to be. Everyone hates me when I express myself. The resentment and hate I feel for everyone is a struggle.
lord said:
I will say something, may hurt or not, but its the truth, its doesnt matter if you talked with him or not, it wouldnt save his life, he must have dozens of other friends that he was talking daily and he would never remember about you if he didnt see your mother, it doesnt really matters at all because its all from your head, now he is gone and you will have to move on, time will take its toll.
People always remember me.. because I look so grotesque. :feelsUgh:
 
gymletethnicel

gymletethnicel

Retarded sandnigger
★★★★★
Joined
May 8, 2019
Posts
20,555
Online
402d 12h 8m
SlutLiberationFront said:
He got a girlfriend, her ex was mad and killed him in front of her in their house with at least 12 gunshots.
Man, sometimes I am glad I will never have to deal with that shit
 
S

sarpedjsrhinogenio

Recruit
★★★★
Joined
Aug 31, 2021
Posts
315
Online
2d 20h 28m
SlutLiberationFront said:
My life is such a fucking joke and unconventional that it sounds completely unreal to most people here. I still can't believe that I have to live this.
at least u dont have to suffer public humilation. i can take everything except humiliation by relatives and close family. that i can't live with
 
mortyposter

mortyposter

Banned
-
Joined
Oct 24, 2021
Posts
491
Online
2d 15h 9m
Wow. This story definitely made my day.
 
FuRed

FuRed

Commander
Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Posts
3,085
Online
28d 7h 51m
FlamingCel

FlamingCel

Luminary
★★★★★
Joined
Jan 5, 2019
Posts
11,681
Online
130d 14h 4m
Copexodius Maximus said:
You should have just talked to him. Now you’ll never see him again for the rest of eternity, and the only proof of his existence you have now is in your memories. If someone wants to meet you, you should have done it for not only their sake, but yours as well. But now it’s too late, and he died never getting to even see or try to help his friend that kept calling all the time to be able to talk to. He was ignored by his childhood friend and now it’s over for him forever.
No bro.We are eternal beings
 
Copexodius Maximus

Copexodius Maximus

Supreme Incel Commander in Chief
★★★★★
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Posts
20,577
Online
78d 19h 35m
Emba

Emba

Jarjar Sphinx
★★★★★
Joined
May 19, 2019
Posts
32,346
Online
124d 14h 14m
My condolences
 
Deleted member 34729

Deleted member 34729

RopeyRopeBoy
-
Joined
May 16, 2021
Posts
116
Online
1d 3h 23m
SlutLiberationFront said:
I had so many memories with this dude and all the people in the "hood". All the fooball days, the mornings at the bakery eating stuff, late night talks at a sweet stuff store that was right by my house, and of course, the funniest memory of him one night when we were preparing a balloon and he almost set me on fire accidentally. It was fucking scary and terrifying at the time, but looking back it was a kinda funny shit. I arrived home with a lot of hair missing and no eyebrows, and of course you can imagine my parents' reaction, but everythin ended well, he was a long-time friend of everyone there. Dude was super funny with loose screws but always a very fun person to have around. He was WWAAAAY older than me and the other kids, as everyone there were friends ranging from all ages that mostly gathered for special days of football, barbecues, night talks, small talks for hours... we even named ourself Route Team, and we did many cool stuff such as balloons, custom kites with our names and the team name on it... time went on and we drifted apart and lost contact as I had to move in 2007. A few years ago, my mom told me she found him randomly again and he immediately asked for me, I told her that my mental state was far too degraded to talk to anyone and I wouldn't like to see my childhood friends seeing what I was at the time and still am today, physically depleted by years of mental illness and heavy, uncontrollable depression. I refused all the hundreds of times she asked me to talk to him, but I really really wanted to talk to him and reminisce about the good times we had years ago.

Well... fast forwards a while later I find out he got killed, executed. He was not involved in crime, drugs, or anything. I keep thinking about it all the time and it keeps stinging me. I should have talked to him. All I have now are extremely faint memories of him and the fun times at the field that was literally the center of the neighborhood where everyone would gather. I should have talked to him... I should have... I lost the only opportunity to talk to someone I had good memories with, but I refused because of what kind of impression I would cause on him given my mental and physical condition due to illness and depression. What would I tell him? That I was suicidal? That was sinking in a bottomless pit of depression? That I have nowhere to go at life? i didn't want to disappoint him. I thought he would have the idea that the quiet, yet still talkative kid when I was comfortable was still the same person, still the "genius" they all thought I was... but I was not, and thus refused, for fear of worrying him about my state, and that he would get sad seeing what I've become.

Now I have to live with these thoughts... only of the only few people from my early life that was still alive and I could have contacted, is dead. And he is not the only one. A good friend of my family and also a childhood friend that my mother almost considered a third son and an excellent person also got killed in 2014. He was here in our house all the time, having some coffee with us, gaming with my brother and I, just spending some good time talking and having fun, soda, pizza... he was like a much older brother, had a job and all, but he was still like a fun kid and pretty cool to be around and never looked down on me even though I am sub human. Unfortunately his life came to an abrupt ending in the middle of an argument with his family, where his father grabbed a gun an killed him right in the living room. I am still devastated by these losses to this day and always think about them. And can't stop thinking about all the other friends I lost somehow, to cartel life or just plain disappeared because they got involved in crime. I still remember one of my best friends that lived a couple blocks from me, he had epilepsy and died, drowned in a pool when he was swimming and had a seizure in a very unfortunate event. His brother was still growing up, almost abandoned by the parents, and I never knew what became of him, never heard of him again.

Now I got a new opportunity, a very special person from my childhood who was a mega expert at making custom gigantic kites that were bigger than me talked to my brother and asked for me all the time, reminiscing about the good times, and he asked a million times to see me, even his wife that also remembers me still as a kid. But I am afraid of seeing them and making them sad for what I've become. I don't want people to see what I am now, the pure state of a body that I am... just a body, no soul, no life. All they knew me as is gone. I don't want to disappoint them and shock them seeing what I am. What will they think? They will ask me what happened for me to turn out this way. They now a part, that is my father's death, but that is still not even 1% of all that happened. I don't want to tell them that I have no direction in life, that I am completely hopeless, aimless in this world, no prospects, projects, no idea or intelligence that could take me anywhere and give me an actual life. I don't want to tell them that I never have success at anything I tried, that my brain has rotten away to the point I can't understand social norms, cues, hints, anything, rotten to the point that I talk in a way that is pretty much whispering and one word answers or just nodding my head. I don't want to disappoint them. He is a dude that built his life hard and early, hard working dude that did everything he could to have his roof, his car, food, his family... he remembers the good times, all the laughs we had, but today for me there is anything but laughs... maybe if I see something funny for a few seconds, but I came to a point where nothing in life makes me laugh unless it's completely random. They will talk about the good times and I'm afraid I will break down in tears talking about all my problems that can't be fixed because they are in my head and body and I will ruin the mood. God damn I have so many memories with this dude and the crazy stuff he used to do, his old classic custom car, his loud, yet funny voice and jokes... I don't know what to do, I don't want to disappoint someone that gave me so many memories and remembers me as something good just to see my as the complete opposite now that is anything but a happy kid, dreaming in life. I am not what I was when I was there growing up. I am lifeless now. I don't want to ruin his memories of me, of an abnormal, yet quite around-all-the-time kid to see his crazy experiments in person such as the gigantic kites and hot air balloon projects. I can't even feel human at this point, I can't even see people as humans anymore. I look at someone and sometimes wonder what are they. Am I in the wrong reality? How would somoene react seeing me now so skinny and depleted physically (I was always naturally skinny, but some characteristics in my body now are blatant evident from very strong depression).
What they will tell me? That I am intelligent, smart? Capable of things? That I am strong? Evidently, I am not. If I was, I wouldn't be in this state now, I would have done something with my life and gone somewhere with it, with an objective, a dream, and I will say what? The only thing I will say is what I always say, the reality that I am inherently dumb, lost 2 years failing grades, gave up on school, can't comprehend basic logic, socialization, anything useful in this life and that would take me somewhere. What would be their reaction? Obviously get pissed off because they will refuse to admit that the person who was considered the genius of the region is nothing but a brainless idiot with nothing in his life except a computer to explore the world in some way and talk to people through a screen. Of course they will ask about girls and stuff, and what the fuck will I say? Blackpill them? That's fucking retarded. Imagine saying that I am THIS fucking age and didn't achieve anything apart from being a failure at anything I've ever tried, especially girls. It's shameful, disgraceful, I don't even think the know what an incel is.

I don't want to ruin the happy memories and thoughts of a friend I am still fond of to this day, 14 years later and I still think about every day, with an unfortunate present and aimless, prospectless future of someone who is just a chamber, a faint image of the person who I once was when I was around there. Someone that resembles anything but what a person should be. i have no success story to tell, nothing funny, nothing entertaining... nothing good, only disgraceful things and how miserable my whole life turned to be and how I can't get out of this.
I don't want to ruin and worry someone that still remembers me so much time later as someone who was everything I am not at this point in life.
Our stories are very similar. Idk how much longer I can take it before I really lose my shit.
 
Mulattocel

Mulattocel

Veteran
★★★★★
Joined
Apr 21, 2019
Posts
1,413
Online
36d 19h 13m
Sorry for your losses friend
 
Incelius Savage

Incelius Savage

Fuck
★★
Joined
May 28, 2021
Posts
1,645
Online
19d 10h 7m
Good and Long Read.
 
shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape7
shape8
Top