Life is so boring, this rotting just kills me... I have quit weed one week ago, and it's so depressing just to be here, stay in my room do NOTHING while knowing that normies are having FUN with their friends, their dopamine levels are at the top. Yesterday I did acid + alcohol + weed combo(I have quit weed but decided to do it yesterday, I didn't buy today) and it was so good, I did not care about my low status, about lack of friends or lack of girlfriend, it was really good and I actually enjoyed being in yesterday's moment. Today it was so boring that I went to the store just before it closed, just to buy some whiskey and right now I am drunk as fuck, alcohol is bad because it hurts your body a lot and you feel "depressive" yet you don't really give a fuck, it feels good because I actually sense the enjoyment of life, I sense what normies sense too but without any friends. Acid is so good, you enjoy the nature, you find things enjoyable that you did not find enjoyable before. With weed you don't really give a fuck about your current situation, but you enjoy the present moment of being high and it feels good, my dopamine levels go up. Being sober? YOU DON'T FEEL ANYTHING, you feel fucking sadness while knowing how pathetic you are. You know what I want? A fucking TRUE friend who would be relatable to me, even then I wouldn't give a fuck about not having sex, because having a true friend is GREAT, I miss those days when I was younger than 12 years old, I actually had true friends and it was so fun. Sadly my friends turned away from me when I was 12 years old, I blame puberty because that's when blackpill TRULY starts to kick in(it kicks in before you hit puberty but it's just more severe after puberty because of hormones). Fuck, I just wish I had a friend just like you guys, you all are so relatable to me, it would be great with you. I would buy a cool car and we would hang out everyday, driving around and doing fun stuff, and actually talk about relatable stuff. Fuck I am actually crying right now after I wrote the last sentence because it's truly saddening how we are all connected yet I don't have you guys, you would be my best friends. Just FUCK genetics, when I was a young kid, I did not expect to have a life like that. I just want a good friend, just ONE who would understand me, we would have so much fun. I will drop 500UG of acid on October, I know that's an extremely high dosage but it might change my perspective on life, it might help me find some enjoyment in it. After I have quit weed, all I do all day is play DotA2 and do absolutely nothing, it's so fucked up having your dopamine and serotonin levels so low, it fucking kills me. I am not depressed or anything, I am just bored living this life because drugs provide me happiness and rotting doesn't. It is not only my looks but my personality as well, mainly looks tho because if I was good looking I wouldn't need to do anything to find a friend or a girlfriend, all I would need is just exist, but I am 4/10 with recessed chin and blonde hair as well a lower eyelid retraction, shit lip area, NCT, low set cheekbones and bad skin, I am just omega by nature's standards. Why were we born to suffer, WHY? This life is just so unfair. Why is it so hard to make friends after puberty? Oh, yeah, because of fucking hormones and instincts that control us and EVERYONE is selfish, including me because that's the nature of humans and a survival instinct I guess. I just wish I had a friend like you...
