It was so liberating being able to think about and wish your own death all the time. It's like the mundane crap didn't matter, the grind and the various little problems were small in comparison to death. I always knew that I don't have the balls to kill myself, but even so, the idea of death and merely contemplating about it allowed the shit in my life to seem less urgent or important.
Nowadays I'm too busy with unimportant crap for my dead-end wageslaving job. Having to woke up early, commute to work, spend close to 9 hours there then commute back saps all my energy. All I can really do when I come home is watch tv shows, eat and eventually fall asleep. Shit, and the paycheck is spent on the shitty food I can afford and bills, and is spent by the time I get the next one. Nowadays, I only manage to pray for death for a few seconds before falling asleep. That's if I don't spend hours trying to fall asleep like I do some days.
Nowadays I'm too busy with unimportant crap for my dead-end wageslaving job. Having to woke up early, commute to work, spend close to 9 hours there then commute back saps all my energy. All I can really do when I come home is watch tv shows, eat and eventually fall asleep. Shit, and the paycheck is spent on the shitty food I can afford and bills, and is spent by the time I get the next one. Nowadays, I only manage to pray for death for a few seconds before falling asleep. That's if I don't spend hours trying to fall asleep like I do some days.
