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SuicideFuel I keep having nightmares that feel super real

curryboy420

curryboy420

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Recent one was incredible panic and dread because I needed to make money and couldn't figure out how. Jfl even my dreams are telling me im retarded and can't function in society and should probably just rope.
 
you fall asleep and you wake up. which creates the worse nightmare?
 
One of the most disturbing nightmares I've had (around a year ago I think):

I was in a poor neighborhood in Ecuador (during the morning) and I was trying to find my way back home (which doesn't make sense cuz I live in Uruguay). A couple of thugs approach me and one of them asks me for the time. I tell him I forgot my phone back home. They start to follow me and the same guy asks me for a cigarette. I tell him I don't smoke. I keep walking and I realize I am lost. The thugs keep following me while making derisive comments and laughing. I start to walk faster and I get to a massive public square where there are thousands of small children (around 5 yo) wearing white robes like this:
1614285560868

They're all running around playing and being loud, they're so full of life and joy they remind me of cherubs. As I make my way through the crowd I start to feel uneasy. I look around and there's an astonishing amount of children (only children), I look up to the sky and there's no sun, no clouds, just a weird combination of warm colors that look nothing like a sky. I look back and I see the thugs are still following me from a distance but now there are more of them and they're carrying large rusty knives. Then I notice there are a couple of adult male pedestrians being grabbed and overpowered by the crowd of children. The men are being pinned down to the concrete as they struggle and scream in terror and confusion. Then the thugs get on top of those men and start to commit the worst acts of violence and sexual depravity you can imagine. They are raping them, castrating them, disemboweling them, they're doing all kinds of fucked up shit to those poor men while the children hold them down and laugh. Suddenly I have the strong feeling that I am in another dimension, a hellish place where people are meant to suffer horribly. I realize I am surrounded by demons so I panic and I start to run trying to escape. Some children grab my clothes and I hit them as hard as I can. I punch them, I kick them in their small faces, try to escape but they're too many and I can't fight them all. I quickly look behind and I see the thugs walking towards me with big smiles on their faces. I scream as I continue to fight the little fuckers (who btw never stop laughing, even when I stomp on their heads) but they're too fucking many and I can't escape...

That's when I woke up (fortunately). Pretty fucked up dream.
 
During my studies/work I got to know an autistic girl and thought that this could finally lead to somewhere. We also had some of the same interests (like biology/medicine). We talked often about these subjects, it's rare to find someone remotely interested in that. Really thought that I had won the lottery.
Then the following quotes: "You should really get a life!" She thought that I was obsessing too hard about it and that I didn't have any remotely normal life at all. She unironically told me that it seemed like my life only consisted out of working/studying, watching TV, reading books about animals/medicine and sleeping and that I should get my life in order and do something else.
"Do you do something else except those things?" was unironically one of her questions, the honest answer was "No!", I do nothing in my life except those things, due to having motoric problems I never learned sports/dancing/playing instruments because the efforts were fruitless anyways, I also don't go out because of them (especially due to my way of walking/grabbing stuff with my hands), from my parents I only learned how to be a good/efficient worker and I only had one friend in my entire life. Jfl, made me extremely sad because not even autistic women could relate to anything I experienced (not even talking about my school experiences/12 years of bullying or the other stuff with major depression/no interest in living). Not only do autistic girls have it easier socially (despite worse social skills), but they also don't "suffer" from "obsessions" as much as males.
Even autistic women (who should be able to relate to my life experiences due to having the same problem) tell me that I am a fucking failure of a human being, was years ago and the last time I approached a woman. Even autistic women want NT chads. Not even she was interested in me/anything from me. This was the last time I ever approached a woman. Jfl, Autism is a joke when it affects women, the symptoms suddenly disappear when a tall NT chad appears. A meme disease in one gender, a death sentence in another.


A few years after that conversation my life is even more fucked up, nowadays I only listen to music the entire day, rarely put effort into anything anymore and have a completely fucked up sleep rhythm, mostly sit on the computer or learn the absolute basics for an education/job that doesn't even interest me anymore just to keep being employed, then I work out in the night after learning the basics of muscle training (am shitty in it, but do it due to feeling better afterwards) until I fall asleep and then I do the same thing the next day after suppressing my headaches with Aspirin, I cannot read anything anymore because my eyesight/attention span is fucked up (see things double/blurry) and if it came to me I would just watch TV all day, I also have compulsions (checking doors if they are locked/counting stuff). Hate everything about my life.

Recent one was incredible panic and dread because I needed to make money and couldn't figure out how. Jfl even my dreams are telling me im retarded and can't function in society and should probably just rope.

I seem to be having that dream irl.

Brutal. I often get optimistic dreams where I see my self all happy and successful with a beautiful gf and great grades at school, but then I wake up and realise how truly of a miserable life I live and feel roping:feelsbadman:

you fall asleep and you wake up. which creates the worse nightmare?

One of the most disturbing nightmares I've had (around a year ago I think):

I was in a poor neighborhood in Ecuador (during the morning) and I was trying to find my way back home (which doesn't make sense cuz I live in Uruguay). A couple of thugs approach me and one of them asks me for the time. I tell him I forgot my phone back home. They start to follow me and the same guy asks me for a cigarette. I tell him I don't smoke. I keep walking and I realize I am lost. The thugs keep following me while making derisive comments and laughing. I start to walk faster and I get to a massive public square where there are thousands of small children (around 5 yo) wearing white robes like this:
View attachment 415483
They're all running around playing and being loud, they're so full of life and joy they remind me of cherubs. As I make my way through the crowd I start to feel uneasy. I look around and there's an astonishing amount of children (only children), I look up to the sky and there's no sun, no clouds, just a weird combination of warm colors that look nothing like a sky. I look back and I see the thugs are still following me from a distance but now there are more of them and they're carrying large rusty knives. Then I notice there are a couple of adult male pedestrians being grabbed and overpowered by the crowd of children. The men are being pinned down to the concrete as they struggle and scream in terror and confusion. Then the thugs get on top of those men and start to commit the worst acts of violence and sexual depravity you can imagine. They are raping them, castrating them, disemboweling them, they're doing all kinds of fucked up shit to those poor men while the children hold them down and laugh. Suddenly I have the strong feeling that I am in another dimension, a hellish place where people are meant to suffer horribly. I realize I am surrounded by demons so I panic and I start to run trying to escape. Some children grab my clothes and I hit them as hard as I can. I punch them, I kick them in their small faces, try to escape but they're too many and I can't fight them all. I quickly look behind and I see the thugs walking towards me with big smiles on their faces. I scream as I continue to fight the little fuckers (who btw never stop laughing, even when I stomp on their heads) but they're too fucking many and I can't escape...

That's when I woke up (fortunately). Pretty fucked up dream.
Boyos if you ever get nightmares,just call on the name of the Lord and you will wake up every time
 

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