No happiness, nothing to look forward to, nothing. I try my hardest to sleep as many hours as I can, but I can only sleep 12 hours or so and then be awake for the rest of the day. I just wish I could have medication or something to make me sleep for atleast 20 hours a day. I don't want to exist for so long, I feel like I have gushing wounds in my upper torso that just wont go away and no matter how many hours spent in therapy, nothing fixes it. I could try to end my life again, but if I fail then I will end up at the psychiatric ward again and be tortured for months on end, having to lie about how im feeling better, etc, even though no improvement has been made. I just want a pleasant death, but the government wont ever support it. I accept that I am not entitled to anything, but cant I atleast have the power to stop playing this game that is life? I dont want to play anymore.
