After crushing a full Red Barron frozen pizza, voltage mountain dew, and sour patch kids, my stomach started fucking killing me for some reason. I honestly can’t imagine why that is. Anyway I decided that I wanted to be a little bit more adventurous today so instead of using my toilet I took a short walk to the nearest dumpster and let out an unrelenting volcanic eruption of hot shit magma forcing itself out of my asshole. It immediately splattered across the floor of the dumpster, causing multiple droplets of hot diarrhea to ricochet back onto my ass cheeks. In case you’re wondering, the dumpster was in the backside of an Arby’s and there was actually another pile of diarrhea from someone else not far from where I was shitting with remnants of roast beef in it, poor bastard probably couldn’t handle the meats. After I finally let out the last few drops of my mountain dew-red barron pizza infushed feces, I let out a massive ass ripper of a fart that had caused the entire dumpster to shake, and I stunk up the entire block. I’m now writing this from a jail cell as there were apparently a stray pack of kittens in the dumpster as I was shitting, so I’m being charged with both animal abuse and indecent exposure since I had my pants off the entire way there.
