So we've installed a doorbell camera recently. It saves a short video of comings and goings in and out of the house. I had a look at the videos where I enter and leave the house and my body language was so abnormal. My posture is really really bad, like when I look down at something my whole body hunches over. I make sudden erratic l movements when turning my head to the side to see what traffic is coming. Small things that people do everyday like turning their head or looking down without thinking about, I look completely weird doing them. FFS, this shit is the cause of my isolation.
Same.
Sometimes I see myself walking in the reflection in shop windows and I am like a machine. I dont bounce while walking. I walk like robocop.
Sometimes, when I am uncomfortable, it becomes even worse, its like I forget how to move.
I seriously wonder if I am on the spectrum.
I feel like all my gestures and shit are unnatural, like I picked them up from movies or something, like an actor.
I have certain facial expressions that I copied from people on YT.
I also do the head thing. Its like when a deer gets scared and rapidly turns its head towards the threat. Its an anxiety thing.
I avoid looking at my reflection as much as possible. Its ok when I stand still in front of the mirror and brush my teeth. But when I move around...
People at school for example regularly laugh at me when they see me climb stairs and shit. My spine is deformed so it looks wonky.
I feel it bruh, fucking hell we are fucked.
