I was mulling over things like I do while working and suddenly it struck me.
All my suffering and pain in life was caused by others. Some people have abusive parents, others are unlucky enough to end up with bullies and bad peers, and some are disliked by their teachers. But I had the whole royal flush going on for me. Childhood was like the entire universe conspiring to make my life as miserable as possible. And for the longest longest time I wondered , why me? I blamed everything and everyone, from past life sins, to my meek nature, looks, shit luck, to God's trying to fuck with me. Getting fucked over by one group is understandable but by all of them?
But now I've realised why it is so. What's the common thread between all of these disparate happenings? All of these people, in their own ways tried to change me. But I simply did not relent. The teachers and school system wanted me to be an ideal student, the one who does his homework on time but I couldn't care, so they punished me. My parents wanted to be the kind of kid they wanted, who did things as he was told. And when I didn't I was tortured but it changed nothing. Even all the bullying and ostracization I faced was because I was not like them. If I "wisened up" and started acting like them I would've been accepted into the group.
But it was simply impossible to mould me into something that could fit in better. I'm in a way too much of a free bird
All my suffering and pain in life was caused by others. Some people have abusive parents, others are unlucky enough to end up with bullies and bad peers, and some are disliked by their teachers. But I had the whole royal flush going on for me. Childhood was like the entire universe conspiring to make my life as miserable as possible. And for the longest longest time I wondered , why me? I blamed everything and everyone, from past life sins, to my meek nature, looks, shit luck, to God's trying to fuck with me. Getting fucked over by one group is understandable but by all of them?
But now I've realised why it is so. What's the common thread between all of these disparate happenings? All of these people, in their own ways tried to change me. But I simply did not relent. The teachers and school system wanted me to be an ideal student, the one who does his homework on time but I couldn't care, so they punished me. My parents wanted to be the kind of kid they wanted, who did things as he was told. And when I didn't I was tortured but it changed nothing. Even all the bullying and ostracization I faced was because I was not like them. If I "wisened up" and started acting like them I would've been accepted into the group.
But it was simply impossible to mould me into something that could fit in better. I'm in a way too much of a free bird
