SuicideFuel I haven't felt the touch of a human my entire life

[ColdPillow]

Recently, my roommate invited me to a board game event at his friend's house. I was very puzzled on the idea of going, but I said yes and met up with them.

I am extremely lonely and crave human interaction almost every day. I figured that the opportunity to be around other people was something I should take advantage of, for it could benefit my mental health.

However, when I got there, I immediately did not click with anybody. I hated the social interaction before I even met them. It's almost as if there's a demon within me that forces me to hate socializing, despite me craving it so much for whatever reason. I was on the outside watching in, silently rejected by everyone. The parents of the host didn't even see me or shake my hand. It LITERALLY felt like I was invisible.

I left early and went home where I spent my time on the incel discord as always. It got me thinking this morning how we crave human interaction, but hate when it comes to us. Loneliness has made me happier to be alone, but also horribly depressed about it all at the same time.

Tl;dr: I crave the touch of a human who cares for me, but I will hate it if it happens.

 

[IsolationHurts]

I know how you feel

 

[Zesto]

I want a mommygf to caress me.

 

[WithoutMe]

I know this feel.

Loneliness has made me happier to be alone, but also horribly depressed about it all at the same time.

There is no cure.

 

[SpringHeeledJack]

I want a mommygf to caress me.

 

[WithoutMe]

I want a mommygf to caress me.

 

[Six]

It hurts so much.

 

[ColdPillow]

I want a mommygf to caress me.

 

[Zesto]

Just like this.

 

[Rice Cel]

Go ER

 

[FlyFace]

The way I was bullied in High School made me afraid of talking and interacting with people.. now am I pretty much a loner who can't connect with anybody. My mental health isn't going well and I keep getting random bursts of anger and hatred towards my parents. I can never show it though.. I'm terribly afraid of expressing myself but at the same time I am tortured by the feeling that I need to.. then when I do express myself I always think did I say it wrong? Will they think me a freak? I'm secretly ashamed of myself and how I look. I'm so emotionally stunted and broken that it is insane that I am even alive. Makes me want to die. If I didn't look the way I do I would be happy.

 

[ManletHalfCurry]

The way I was bullied in High School made me afraid of talking and interacting with people.. now am I pretty much a loner who can't connect with anybody.

I am the exact same way tbh, thanks to bullying.

 

[FlyFace]

I am the exact same way tbh, thanks to bullying.

It feels horrible and you just can't escape it.

 

[ManletHalfCurry]

It feels horrible and you just can't escape it.

Yes like I am trapped within my own body, unable to express anything whatsoever because of fear of rejection. I fucking hate it.

 

[randomloli]

For me this longing was worse when I was in my 20s. These days I feel more numb than anything, but you can't escape the insane loneliness that sometimes hit you like a truck.

 

[FlyFace]

Yes like I am trapped within my own body, unable to express anything whatsoever because of fear of rejection. I fucking hate it.

For me this longing was worse when I was in my 20s. These days I feel more numb than anything, but you can't escape the insane loneliness that sometimes hit you like a truck.

I'm almost 25.. that's the hill. Don't know what I am going to do.

 

[wizardcel]

Maybe it is because you build a lot of expectations about those interactions, but when you actually have them, you realize it is not what you'd expected. It's just my guess.

 

[quinn24]

I like the idea of socializing but I hate actually doing it. I just feel a disconnect to everyone around me

 

[GeneticDysfunction]

Go ER