Who I am
I was homeschooled a lot of my life and my parents "raised" me on soda and chips, had me stay up late every week, and never taught me emotional regulation so I was a weak stunted Manlet going into highschool with no previous social experience, didn't help my whole class was older than me. The first year I was too young to give a shit about girls but I cried most days because of how ruthless the other boys were.
As I got older I began trying to become a normie and had hope for an adult life with a wife exc exc but I was constantly humiliated by the stronger guys in my classes, it was particularly brutal when they fuckEd with me in front of the girls and the girls laughed because at this point I was more self aware about my state. Despite this I tried being generous and kind because I thought It would be returned to me, but most of the people I was nice to screwed me over (things like never returning lended cash, even to the point of making fun of me and saying I can't do shit about it, or just being jerks even when I am nice to them).
I Had only ever been interested in a girl once by the end of highschool and I was too afraid to approach directly because I knew I'd be rejected, lucky me because when I tried following their Instagram I got blocked. Still somehow had hope at this point
College
College was the breaking point. I realizEd that I was an ugly loser by now but I thought that there would be some woman deprived of attention like me who I could fall in love with and get married anyway. How wrong I was! Overtime I asked out two looksmatch (double chin +pimple) foids and was turned down by both, one even laughed at me for just trying! After this I knew it was a lost cause and I was already looking into blackpilled media and contemplated an incel life, but then something unexpected happened. There was one woman in college who was unreasonably nice to me, they would approach ME and talk to me for no reason, no other woman did that before so I thought it meant something. Long story short I was becoming a simp, after working up a LOT of courage and getting really stressed about what to do I got them some dessert and they made no attempt to reject me or say they had a bf so it was going well, but one day I got out to eat lunch and they are there. They come up to me, thanked me for the dessert again, and it looked like they might sit down with me. NOPE. They turned right around and sat with some 7'0 Chad right in front of me. Maybe this is my fault and I was in the wrong here but I was very disappointed, why hadn't they even hinted that they were taken????? I was an idiot for thinking I could register as a option for anyone anyways, so I gave up.
My rodgerdom
I Thought about all the times people hurt me, took advantage of me, laughed at me, exc exc every day and I decided I hated this species. I didn't even want to be human, I thought of myself as a mirror that would reflect all the wickedness of humanity back onto it, like a force of nature that could bring humanities wrath back onto itself. I also hated my own existence, I was angry at God and felt he had made me as some sort of sick joke, I planned on hurting him in the only way I could think of: making him weep over his blessed children. I concluded that I was not human like everyone else, I was just a creature that was going to maximize suffering and pain for the devil in revenge against both God for making me deformed and society for having no empathy or mercy. Once me and everyone else was in hell we would be on an equal field where nobody could put me down anymore, and they deserved torture anyway! My whole life they fucked with me but they were rewarded for it, I always heard women complain about how violent and cruel men were but only those violent cruel men ever got the women! It was time for them to be punished, I hyper fixated on this plan and thought about what I was going to do basically every hour of every day. All the media I consumed centered around this: I was obsessed with people who got revenge, I spent hours on Eliot's diary and bought myself new outfits based off of kids like Dylan klybold and Eric harris, I learned what I could about the tactics and took inspiration from movies like rampage. It felt like a certainty at this point that I WAS going to do it and that it would simply be long due karma for a retarded species that deserved extinction. I couldn't even look at other people without feeling overwhelming disgust, resentment, and a need for cleansing their rot.
Current state
It is within only the recent weeks that I have realized my mistake: being an adult. What was my problem? Was it really that nobody would love me or that I was an ugly loser? I don't think so, the real problem was that I cared. I had obsessed so much over OTHER people than myself, what they thought of me, what they did to me or with each other, what they wouldn't do with me, exc exc. Basically a bunch of shit that I didn't care about as a kid. I've decided to completely stop caring about other people, I am the center of the universe, nobody elses thoughts or feelings can hurt ME, the only thing that matters is my enjoyment and everyone else and their nasty opinions of me can buzz off. Besides, why crave a foid? They are unloving, evil, will take advantage of you, will not benefit you, and generally only serve as a nuisance. The only reason anybody gives a shit about them is because they feel they need someone elses love, they think they are an ADULT who needs ADULT shit like ROMANCE and SEX from OTHER people. You don't need any of that baloney, I lived without it the entire time I was a kid and was content. As soon as you drop the expectations put into you by others, stop thinking about other people or thinking you are missing out, and start appreciating the things you enjoyed your whole life as a kid like Vidya games or nice food/drinks you will be happier.
Basically, I haven't felt a negative emotion in a record amount of time because I gave up being an obsessed, hateful, sad, scared adult and refound the simple life of a child, especially with the holidays here it's great to just drink eggnog and play some cool games like Roblox or Minecraft. Life isn't all that bad if you just think about yourself, block out every other person and the fetid shit they do, say, think, etc and just care about only what you enjoy. Not smoking weed excessively or watching porn could probably help with this, I never did that evil nonsense and I feel if I did then I'd be a lot more miserable.
Do you guys think this is just a short term cope I'm going to run out of and just reach the inevitable, or is this a genius way of living? can anyone else here try this and see if it works for them? Please do tell!
I was homeschooled a lot of my life and my parents "raised" me on soda and chips, had me stay up late every week, and never taught me emotional regulation so I was a weak stunted Manlet going into highschool with no previous social experience, didn't help my whole class was older than me. The first year I was too young to give a shit about girls but I cried most days because of how ruthless the other boys were.
As I got older I began trying to become a normie and had hope for an adult life with a wife exc exc but I was constantly humiliated by the stronger guys in my classes, it was particularly brutal when they fuckEd with me in front of the girls and the girls laughed because at this point I was more self aware about my state. Despite this I tried being generous and kind because I thought It would be returned to me, but most of the people I was nice to screwed me over (things like never returning lended cash, even to the point of making fun of me and saying I can't do shit about it, or just being jerks even when I am nice to them).
I Had only ever been interested in a girl once by the end of highschool and I was too afraid to approach directly because I knew I'd be rejected, lucky me because when I tried following their Instagram I got blocked. Still somehow had hope at this point
College
College was the breaking point. I realizEd that I was an ugly loser by now but I thought that there would be some woman deprived of attention like me who I could fall in love with and get married anyway. How wrong I was! Overtime I asked out two looksmatch (double chin +pimple) foids and was turned down by both, one even laughed at me for just trying! After this I knew it was a lost cause and I was already looking into blackpilled media and contemplated an incel life, but then something unexpected happened. There was one woman in college who was unreasonably nice to me, they would approach ME and talk to me for no reason, no other woman did that before so I thought it meant something. Long story short I was becoming a simp, after working up a LOT of courage and getting really stressed about what to do I got them some dessert and they made no attempt to reject me or say they had a bf so it was going well, but one day I got out to eat lunch and they are there. They come up to me, thanked me for the dessert again, and it looked like they might sit down with me. NOPE. They turned right around and sat with some 7'0 Chad right in front of me. Maybe this is my fault and I was in the wrong here but I was very disappointed, why hadn't they even hinted that they were taken????? I was an idiot for thinking I could register as a option for anyone anyways, so I gave up.
My rodgerdom
I Thought about all the times people hurt me, took advantage of me, laughed at me, exc exc every day and I decided I hated this species. I didn't even want to be human, I thought of myself as a mirror that would reflect all the wickedness of humanity back onto it, like a force of nature that could bring humanities wrath back onto itself. I also hated my own existence, I was angry at God and felt he had made me as some sort of sick joke, I planned on hurting him in the only way I could think of: making him weep over his blessed children. I concluded that I was not human like everyone else, I was just a creature that was going to maximize suffering and pain for the devil in revenge against both God for making me deformed and society for having no empathy or mercy. Once me and everyone else was in hell we would be on an equal field where nobody could put me down anymore, and they deserved torture anyway! My whole life they fucked with me but they were rewarded for it, I always heard women complain about how violent and cruel men were but only those violent cruel men ever got the women! It was time for them to be punished, I hyper fixated on this plan and thought about what I was going to do basically every hour of every day. All the media I consumed centered around this: I was obsessed with people who got revenge, I spent hours on Eliot's diary and bought myself new outfits based off of kids like Dylan klybold and Eric harris, I learned what I could about the tactics and took inspiration from movies like rampage. It felt like a certainty at this point that I WAS going to do it and that it would simply be long due karma for a retarded species that deserved extinction. I couldn't even look at other people without feeling overwhelming disgust, resentment, and a need for cleansing their rot.
Current state
It is within only the recent weeks that I have realized my mistake: being an adult. What was my problem? Was it really that nobody would love me or that I was an ugly loser? I don't think so, the real problem was that I cared. I had obsessed so much over OTHER people than myself, what they thought of me, what they did to me or with each other, what they wouldn't do with me, exc exc. Basically a bunch of shit that I didn't care about as a kid. I've decided to completely stop caring about other people, I am the center of the universe, nobody elses thoughts or feelings can hurt ME, the only thing that matters is my enjoyment and everyone else and their nasty opinions of me can buzz off. Besides, why crave a foid? They are unloving, evil, will take advantage of you, will not benefit you, and generally only serve as a nuisance. The only reason anybody gives a shit about them is because they feel they need someone elses love, they think they are an ADULT who needs ADULT shit like ROMANCE and SEX from OTHER people. You don't need any of that baloney, I lived without it the entire time I was a kid and was content. As soon as you drop the expectations put into you by others, stop thinking about other people or thinking you are missing out, and start appreciating the things you enjoyed your whole life as a kid like Vidya games or nice food/drinks you will be happier.
Basically, I haven't felt a negative emotion in a record amount of time because I gave up being an obsessed, hateful, sad, scared adult and refound the simple life of a child, especially with the holidays here it's great to just drink eggnog and play some cool games like Roblox or Minecraft. Life isn't all that bad if you just think about yourself, block out every other person and the fetid shit they do, say, think, etc and just care about only what you enjoy. Not smoking weed excessively or watching porn could probably help with this, I never did that evil nonsense and I feel if I did then I'd be a lot more miserable.
Do you guys think this is just a short term cope I'm going to run out of and just reach the inevitable, or is this a genius way of living? can anyone else here try this and see if it works for them? Please do tell!
