(I'll eat unhealthy, not work out – I very rarely workout, even if I have dumbbells, a pull up bar, a treadmill and a rowing machine at home, not only do I hate doing it, but I see no point. I'm only 5'3", weight 107 pounds, and I'm so ugly people ALWAYS react in some sort of negative way when I venture outside. Like laugh, talk about me, or stare at me, some have even taken pictures of me. Something I wouldn't accept next time someone takes a pic of me. So I have those "hopeful" moments, where I tell myself I'll workout, eat healthy, drink water, ... it works for about 2 days, and then I'm back to the same-old same-old routine of "it won't change anything anyway." I can get muscles, my skin has improved already but will never be perfect – but my ugly ass face and head will never be good, not even surgery is possible (I checked with 4 surgeons). I'm colossally fucked. If I'm honest to myself, living the healthy men's lifestyle won't do me any good personally. Because I'm short, and much much worse, insanely ugly. So, I'll change my opinion again tomorrow, but deep down, I know it does no good. I keep on slipping back into this "whatever-attitude", but that's ok. Because it can't get worse than it already is. But it also can't get better. Either way I'm bitter and sad. Although my antidepressants don't do shit, they do numb my feelings a bit. I just feel a numb sense of sadness, last time I experienced true joy was when I was like 11. Definetly not later on.
