Nothing feels real to me. I feel like my life is long, drawn-out prank that never ends because the mastermind behind it doesn’t know when enough is enough. I feel like I am spectating myself getting punked. Yes, many of you here feel constant emotional pain, but atleast you can feel something. I have slowly developed chronic numbness since puberty, and it shows no signs of ceasing. I envy those who feel pain. All I feel is emptiness, like there is a hole in my face and chest. That’s literally the only emotion I can experience. I wish I could still suffer. This is what happens when you experience extreme emotional neglect when you are young: your body numbs itself in order to survive. It’s a self-preservation mechanism. It sucks because I have tried everything and nothing reverses my numbness. I have endured the misery of life for too long. Humans can’t live like this. They need contrast. They need good with the bad; it makes the horrors of he world somewhat bearable. I need more. Endorphins from working out won’t work, playing video games won’t work, meds won’t work. I need to experience the opposite of my current state. I want it all. Ascension or rope. There is no in between.
