Permaban - Me no like
I don't know how this post will be received here, but here it goes.
Recently, I befriended a women from one of my university classes. We hung out a couple times outside of class too. She is one of those rare women who is smart and desires to pursue a respectable profession (veterinarian), and this meant a lot to me. I know that she was romantically interested in me too.
But I could only find flaws in her. Whether it was how she looked, dressed, or acted, I could only find things about her that I did not like. It bothered me to the point of ending my relationship with her.
To clarify, I did not engage with her physically. It was a platonic relationship, but I know that if I had desired I could have made it not one. Many might say that this invalidates my title as being an incel, but I disagree. I think that inceldom only applies if you are celibate with women whom you want to be non-celibate with.
I realize that my perception of women has been fundamentally warped by years inceldom. I can only see women as a means to an end -- and that end is sexual and romantic happiness. I can only see them as transactional in nature, their ability to make me happy in exchange for my service. As such, I can't help but notice all the things that will get in the way of this goal. The issue with this is that people are flawed, and a part of being in a relationship (I think) is recognizing those flaws and learning to live with them. But I can't do that. I can only see women as transactional because for so long they have only been a source of sadness and disappointment, and I have come to think of them insofar as how well they can improve that sadness and disappointment.
I keep asking myself, "Have I waited this long for this? Have a suffered this long for this?" The truth is that I have not. Everything that I have had to endure should not be in vain. But I think that it inevitably will because women always seem to disappointment me.
I have fantasied about women for years; and years have passed for me to realize that fantasy is better than reality, that I will always be disappointed in women because I want them to be something that they simply aren't and can never be. I built it in my head for long, what would happen if I met a women and she showed interest. I was not ready for what would happen when what did happen did not conform with these preconceived expectations.
The one thing that I want most in the world I cannot have. Not in the way that I want it. That's all that matters.
I guess what I am really trying to get at is that perhaps inceldom has affects that extend beyond the immediate "I can't attract women" and will come to affect you even if you can attract women. It just feels hopeless.
Recently, I befriended a women from one of my university classes. We hung out a couple times outside of class too. She is one of those rare women who is smart and desires to pursue a respectable profession (veterinarian), and this meant a lot to me. I know that she was romantically interested in me too.
But I could only find flaws in her. Whether it was how she looked, dressed, or acted, I could only find things about her that I did not like. It bothered me to the point of ending my relationship with her.
To clarify, I did not engage with her physically. It was a platonic relationship, but I know that if I had desired I could have made it not one. Many might say that this invalidates my title as being an incel, but I disagree. I think that inceldom only applies if you are celibate with women whom you want to be non-celibate with.
I realize that my perception of women has been fundamentally warped by years inceldom. I can only see women as a means to an end -- and that end is sexual and romantic happiness. I can only see them as transactional in nature, their ability to make me happy in exchange for my service. As such, I can't help but notice all the things that will get in the way of this goal. The issue with this is that people are flawed, and a part of being in a relationship (I think) is recognizing those flaws and learning to live with them. But I can't do that. I can only see women as transactional because for so long they have only been a source of sadness and disappointment, and I have come to think of them insofar as how well they can improve that sadness and disappointment.
I keep asking myself, "Have I waited this long for this? Have a suffered this long for this?" The truth is that I have not. Everything that I have had to endure should not be in vain. But I think that it inevitably will because women always seem to disappointment me.
I have fantasied about women for years; and years have passed for me to realize that fantasy is better than reality, that I will always be disappointed in women because I want them to be something that they simply aren't and can never be. I built it in my head for long, what would happen if I met a women and she showed interest. I was not ready for what would happen when what did happen did not conform with these preconceived expectations.
The one thing that I want most in the world I cannot have. Not in the way that I want it. That's all that matters.
I guess what I am really trying to get at is that perhaps inceldom has affects that extend beyond the immediate "I can't attract women" and will come to affect you even if you can attract women. It just feels hopeless.
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