I’m stuck in this state of being that I don’t want to get out of. It’s one that I’m accustomed to, which is not wanting to live. But I also don’t want to die. I wanna just be like this. Forever. If my entire life was like right now I would be ok with it. I don’t want to have the “ups” of society (that aren’t even gonna happen) not obviously do I want the downs of it either, I just am existing. Typing some garbage out mindlessly here and there. I’m just living. I’m breathing. I’m not alive though. I’m a husk. I’m so tired. All I do is sleep but my eyes still bag. I am alive but I am not living life.
it’s not a bad feeling, it’s just the feeling of no feeling. I don’t want to die. That would go against the biological urge to live. What’s after death anyway? Who wants that risk? I don’t. I don’t want death. It’s not a suicidal feeling. I would have no qualms about it, but I’m not actively seeking it yet.
Maybe it’s just me sinking deeper into emotional nihilism, or maybe it’s me having taken myself out of my ego and I’m now looking in at the state of what I’m used to. Like if your room stinks, you know it stinks, you’ve got over it, and you finally start realizing it stinks again.
Dunno. I’m gonna sleep probably. Maybe I won’t. I feel like I’m asleep all the time anyway.
it’s not a bad feeling, it’s just the feeling of no feeling. I don’t want to die. That would go against the biological urge to live. What’s after death anyway? Who wants that risk? I don’t. I don’t want death. It’s not a suicidal feeling. I would have no qualms about it, but I’m not actively seeking it yet.
Maybe it’s just me sinking deeper into emotional nihilism, or maybe it’s me having taken myself out of my ego and I’m now looking in at the state of what I’m used to. Like if your room stinks, you know it stinks, you’ve got over it, and you finally start realizing it stinks again.
Dunno. I’m gonna sleep probably. Maybe I won’t. I feel like I’m asleep all the time anyway.
