?
had added like 30kg in a few months the previous year completely ruining my body and i have strechmarks to this day and since the new year was coming i decided to stop
my parents were being neglectful and hating/fighting eachother for years and finally coming to the break point and my little retareded 15yo was blaming myself for years and coped with many ways
new school year starts im hopeful to make friends at my new school, instead i get bullied and having my bicycle fucking ruined after i tried to interact with a group of kids (they acted friendly and said yo i can i test your bicycle and ruined the tires on purpose) and they proceeded to discuss about robbing me (keep in mind i knew these guys and did so much stuff together and have done them favours too, but they decided to be complete assholes at my worst point, but the older guy aka the group leader told them not to rob me cuz even he could tell they were vbeing total assholes)
i went through many attempts of trying to make friends, but it wasnt as much as i could because people kept treating me weird and funny af
they just kept showing signs of wanting me to go away and that they werent interested in me becoming a friend or a part of their friend group so i just went away
my self esteem was destroyed and i started finding this one girl pretty so i tried avoiding her which only worsened shit cuz she could tell i was being a weirdo trying to avoid her so she started being creeped out
my best friend the previous year when i added 30kg when my family condition and my own health was at its worst than ever started being toxic asf to me, he always was toxic but this time he was trying to get heat of his chest on me i could tell. and he proceeded to do the same the next year(the worst mostfucked up year) but he made it even worse
so i couldnt take any more of his bullshit (mostly because he legit wouldnt stop hitting me and being annoying as fuck) and he proceeded to frame me as a snake and other bullshit like that and since we were sitting together he started messing with me to make the girls sitting behind me laugh, and he made friends with the more-popular kids and acted like such a different person just so he can get close to them and of course he said how im a fake ungrateful friend or some bullshit like that im not sure
then my brother installed a virus and made me lose a lot of money and i got doxxed on the web i was freaked out about my privacy and i had some vietnamese-russian fuckers coming after me on all social media
i was so desperate for a friendgroup i kept being overly nice and went for one group in my class, they showed many signs of wanting me to go away but i never stopped trying to make it up to them (god how fucking pathetic i was), i kept doing them favours, jobs, and giving one of the key-guys content of the girls in our class because they blocked him on instagram, so yeah i started to integrate because i was being useful handling their shit and giving the key-guy content
so id go and do jobs for them even at the principals office, and while im infront of the fucking teachers one day when i was handling one of their jobs, the girl i was avoiding was there and it was the last break so i HAD to go that exact moment, and i thought to myself "oh god whatever lets just hope nothing goes wrong and she thinks im not interested in her so shit can stop being weird"
i had to be next to her cuz there was no space but i still managed to make a big dinstance and i didnt even glance at her, not from the back not from the sides but she FUCKING RAN, its almost as if i was some fucking serial killer to her or as if i stinked like 2000000 piles of dogshit, she fucking RUN. shits not even sad its just funny tbh
and of course the teachers started asking me all sort of shit and i told them idfk and that they should get the job done (that i was there for) and i was using all my soul capacity to act non chalant and like i had no idea what was going on, and it worked because the teachers let me off the hook easily
and i was ready to lose it but ofc i acted happy to my friends that i got the job done and when i got in class i was being so expressionate with my face but i had no idea, and my friends told me how theyd never see me show so much emotion they said as if my parents died and asked what is wrong, of course i ditched my face and told them im tired, how could i possibly tell them i made a girl run? it will always be my fault
that shit left me fucking traumatised, i legit started being so weary of my self and my presence i legit couldnt walk in hall ways, or ANYWHERE with people because id feel so scared of looking weird or creepy, especially with women
and for so long i kept blaming my fucking self, my little foolish retarded dumb self thinking its my fualt for my parents being complete neglectful jackasses, women being so fucking cruel, and all that shit. and yeah ever since then i became a true fucking outcast, people near me started being weirded out and women straight up scared
i also added 10 years to my face, i had so many stress marks cuz i was scared of everything and everybody at every moment
i had lost like 10kg but after that incident i stopped eating and lost another 20ish and i became skinny again
i also changed my style completely to vibrant colours so i wouldnt look scary or intimidating, didnt really work
and i started getting haircuts almost every 2 weeks, and got expensive trendy clothjes like nike trainers etc, so i could fit in cuz i was so anxious of what others thought of me after that
holy fuck dude what a bunch of money wasting and i for real blamed myself, and after losing weight so fast i was left with the body of a fucking anorexic old man, so many marks and loose skin, and my face added 10 years too as i said previously
deadass everybody said how they thought i was like 30 although i was only 15, and my face went from average looking or below average looking to completely hideous, my facial muscles started getting deparalysed from trying to avoid so many faces
my brothers were also starting to be creeped out by me because of how weird and depressive i was prob, maybe crazy looking too for sure
and my cousins decided to visit us after 6 years and i loved them we had so many good memories and i was glad to be with them, but they avoided me because of how weird and mentally fucked i was. keep in mind i went through a depraved god-seeking phase and i thanked god for making my cousins come back after 6-7 years
just for me to be treated like the dirt i am
and ever since then i lost all my socialisation skills and any extroverted traits i had, and all sort of self esteem, but atleast im not as scared of weirding out people as i was, but i still feel uncomfortable around women,
i also proceeded to get messed with daily by the bitchy girls and my friend who wouldnt give me a single fucking break, always messing with me and hitting or pullying my hair etc. so yeah its almost as if i got fucking buttraped and knifed to death and still had those little kids messing with me, as if theyre flies around a dead body, but at that point i didnt care about anything
my parents were being neglectful and hating/fighting eachother for years and finally coming to the break point and my little retareded 15yo was blaming myself for years and coped with many ways
new school year starts im hopeful to make friends at my new school, instead i get bullied and having my bicycle fucking ruined after i tried to interact with a group of kids (they acted friendly and said yo i can i test your bicycle and ruined the tires on purpose) and they proceeded to discuss about robbing me (keep in mind i knew these guys and did so much stuff together and have done them favours too, but they decided to be complete assholes at my worst point, but the older guy aka the group leader told them not to rob me cuz even he could tell they were vbeing total assholes)
i went through many attempts of trying to make friends, but it wasnt as much as i could because people kept treating me weird and funny af
they just kept showing signs of wanting me to go away and that they werent interested in me becoming a friend or a part of their friend group so i just went away
my self esteem was destroyed and i started finding this one girl pretty so i tried avoiding her which only worsened shit cuz she could tell i was being a weirdo trying to avoid her so she started being creeped out
my best friend the previous year when i added 30kg when my family condition and my own health was at its worst than ever started being toxic asf to me, he always was toxic but this time he was trying to get heat of his chest on me i could tell. and he proceeded to do the same the next year(the worst mostfucked up year) but he made it even worse
so i couldnt take any more of his bullshit (mostly because he legit wouldnt stop hitting me and being annoying as fuck) and he proceeded to frame me as a snake and other bullshit like that and since we were sitting together he started messing with me to make the girls sitting behind me laugh, and he made friends with the more-popular kids and acted like such a different person just so he can get close to them and of course he said how im a fake ungrateful friend or some bullshit like that im not sure
then my brother installed a virus and made me lose a lot of money and i got doxxed on the web i was freaked out about my privacy and i had some vietnamese-russian fuckers coming after me on all social media
i was so desperate for a friendgroup i kept being overly nice and went for one group in my class, they showed many signs of wanting me to go away but i never stopped trying to make it up to them (god how fucking pathetic i was), i kept doing them favours, jobs, and giving one of the key-guys content of the girls in our class because they blocked him on instagram, so yeah i started to integrate because i was being useful handling their shit and giving the key-guy content
so id go and do jobs for them even at the principals office, and while im infront of the fucking teachers one day when i was handling one of their jobs, the girl i was avoiding was there and it was the last break so i HAD to go that exact moment, and i thought to myself "oh god whatever lets just hope nothing goes wrong and she thinks im not interested in her so shit can stop being weird"
i had to be next to her cuz there was no space but i still managed to make a big dinstance and i didnt even glance at her, not from the back not from the sides but she FUCKING RAN, its almost as if i was some fucking serial killer to her or as if i stinked like 2000000 piles of dogshit, she fucking RUN. shits not even sad its just funny tbh
and of course the teachers started asking me all sort of shit and i told them idfk and that they should get the job done (that i was there for) and i was using all my soul capacity to act non chalant and like i had no idea what was going on, and it worked because the teachers let me off the hook easily
and i was ready to lose it but ofc i acted happy to my friends that i got the job done and when i got in class i was being so expressionate with my face but i had no idea, and my friends told me how theyd never see me show so much emotion they said as if my parents died and asked what is wrong, of course i ditched my face and told them im tired, how could i possibly tell them i made a girl run? it will always be my fault
that shit left me fucking traumatised, i legit started being so weary of my self and my presence i legit couldnt walk in hall ways, or ANYWHERE with people because id feel so scared of looking weird or creepy, especially with women
and for so long i kept blaming my fucking self, my little foolish retarded dumb self thinking its my fualt for my parents being complete neglectful jackasses, women being so fucking cruel, and all that shit. and yeah ever since then i became a true fucking outcast, people near me started being weirded out and women straight up scared
i also added 10 years to my face, i had so many stress marks cuz i was scared of everything and everybody at every moment
i had lost like 10kg but after that incident i stopped eating and lost another 20ish and i became skinny again
i also changed my style completely to vibrant colours so i wouldnt look scary or intimidating, didnt really work
and i started getting haircuts almost every 2 weeks, and got expensive trendy clothjes like nike trainers etc, so i could fit in cuz i was so anxious of what others thought of me after that
holy fuck dude what a bunch of money wasting and i for real blamed myself, and after losing weight so fast i was left with the body of a fucking anorexic old man, so many marks and loose skin, and my face added 10 years too as i said previously
deadass everybody said how they thought i was like 30 although i was only 15, and my face went from average looking or below average looking to completely hideous, my facial muscles started getting deparalysed from trying to avoid so many faces
my brothers were also starting to be creeped out by me because of how weird and depressive i was prob, maybe crazy looking too for sure
and my cousins decided to visit us after 6 years and i loved them we had so many good memories and i was glad to be with them, but they avoided me because of how weird and mentally fucked i was. keep in mind i went through a depraved god-seeking phase and i thanked god for making my cousins come back after 6-7 years
just for me to be treated like the dirt i amand ever since then i lost all my socialisation skills and any extroverted traits i had, and all sort of self esteem, but atleast im not as scared of weirding out people as i was, but i still feel uncomfortable around women,
i also proceeded to get messed with daily by the bitchy girls and my friend who wouldnt give me a single fucking break, always messing with me and hitting or pullying my hair etc. so yeah its almost as if i got fucking buttraped and knifed to death and still had those little kids messing with me, as if theyre flies around a dead body, but at that point i didnt care about anything
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