You dont feel like you belong on this site? i know digital companionship or forums are no real substitute for IRL relations. But is better than nothing.
And for mess of ideologies, share em and i can help you figure out ways to make em coherent or less contradictory
Of course I do, yet still, I just wish that I could go outside and know that there were people who viewed me and knew that I was one of them. I lack a culture, and will always be viewed as an 'other.'
As for my ideologies that led to this feeling, it comes from the fact that I truly do love my country, America, and yet I myself am an immigrant here. Or at least, I have always personally considered it to be my country, although I know other people disagree and think I don't belong here, which is understandable. It's difficult for me to go outside and know that people view me as being this type of person, based off the very fair stereotypes, who is violent, stubborn, hedonistic, and individualistic. It also doesn't stop when I go online, either.
It feels like I have to preface everything I say with a complete denouncement of like 20 things just so that people don't automatically assume I'm debating in bad faith with them, or that I have an inherent disrespect for them. I'm categorized as being this type of person that I never want to appear as, and it's super demoralizing.
As someone who holds allegiance to another country,
As someone who sees the 'way of life' here as being 'incompatible' with my beliefs,
As someone who puts his own race before his nationality,
As someone who wants to erase the culture we've had here for hundreds of years,
As someone who is arrogant and prideful,
And so on. In the best-case scenario, someone might see me as having dual-loyalty to America and a different nation, which is blatantly untrue, but at least they think I have SOME loyalty. I have no other country, there is no where else I would want to be even if I did—America is my home, I have never seen it any other way.
How tiring.
