Was at the gym today, Trying to workout as per usual but today the pain of an existence that is shrouded in loneliness was just too strong, I was without much energy and the sadness was too powerful, I tried to push through it but the 1st set of my 3rd workout, it took me over. I was holding back tears as i was reminded constantly of what i cannot have, Love. Couples everywhere, not just the gym but also the walk there.
I wish i could be bluepilled once again, too be so ignorant of it all. Not have my mind focus on these things that I lack. I used to be happy. I don't know how i did so long the delusions i had that a gf would just fall in my lap, That there was nothing wrong with my looks. I see the way people look at me like i am an ugly piece of shit. It crushes me, my soul is broken and nobody is coming to save me. I thought I could save myself but i can't even get a job, everywhere i am rejected by everyone. and what has working out done for me? I'm still an out of shape loser that no girl will ever love. I do everything to improve but it's just not enough, it's never enough. Liftmogging women?, it was always just a cope.
The pain is unreal, unbearable. I want to escape it, I plot these schemes to do so, but they are all longshots and i feel like i'm running out of time. I'm not suicidal but i feel one day after not seeing any progress once again after waking up i may just give up entirely slump over and rot away. I don't want that, i want to succeed but it's so impossibly hard.
I wish i could be bluepilled once again, too be so ignorant of it all. Not have my mind focus on these things that I lack. I used to be happy. I don't know how i did so long the delusions i had that a gf would just fall in my lap, That there was nothing wrong with my looks. I see the way people look at me like i am an ugly piece of shit. It crushes me, my soul is broken and nobody is coming to save me. I thought I could save myself but i can't even get a job, everywhere i am rejected by everyone. and what has working out done for me? I'm still an out of shape loser that no girl will ever love. I do everything to improve but it's just not enough, it's never enough. Liftmogging women?, it was always just a cope.
The pain is unreal, unbearable. I want to escape it, I plot these schemes to do so, but they are all longshots and i feel like i'm running out of time. I'm not suicidal but i feel one day after not seeing any progress once again after waking up i may just give up entirely slump over and rot away. I don't want that, i want to succeed but it's so impossibly hard.
