To remind me that i did everything right and i was a lost cause from day 1, i will be on my deathbed within a few years so being reminded that i was destined for faliure kills all my regret. The emphysema amplifies my suffering times a million, it's like drowning under a lake of ice but no matter how hard i try i cant surface. I have been having dreams lately about the life i will never experience, this existence is hell on earth. Why god why
